DS got engaged and never told me

I wonder if he is waiting to get more certain plans before telling you. With a friend it’s a bit more casual, they ask less questions so you don’t need to think about all details, if it makes sense.
I told my best friend that DH and I were going to marry before we told parents, but it wasn’t an announcement, it was more like a conversation.
It was wrong that his friend told his mum. I wonder if DS didn’t answer your text because he wasn’t plan it to happened this way and now he’s upset.

It could be something like this. Or perhaps she didn't say yes!

Why do so many people struggle to accept that not all families are the same?!

I live in a different country to my mum. We see each other approx twice a year. Some weeks we WhatsApp daily, other times a few weeks can pass. We haven’t spoken on the phone for years.

Personally I couldn’t imagine speaking to her daily. What the fuck
do people have to chat about?

I don’t know how old you are, but comparing contact years ago when phone calls were pretty much the only way of contact to today when people can message constantly on social media, a phone call has far less significance. A monthly phone call between people who message frequently sounds perfectly reasonable.

My DB did this except I found out he’d got married via a random acquaintance in the supermarket (DBs step daughter was friends with her daughter). It was mortifying because I had no idea what she was talking about. Until that point I thought me and DB were close - turns out I was completely wrong, and he only needed me as childcare for his kids and he viewed our relationship as completely transactional. Our relationship has never recovered. DB lives less than a mile from me and he’s never been able to explain why he didn’t tell us. There were never plans for a big reveal to the family. I’ve a horrible feeling your DS may be the same OP.

Spose it's individual. I work 40-67h a week/volunteer with a charity etc (34yo), speak to my mum at least twice a week, often 3x

It is hurtful that he didn’t tell you Op but hopefully it will have been for a good reason (as others have said, like wanting to speak / tell you in person etc) whereas it’s easier to tell friends via text. He should have asked those friends not to tell anyone though until you guys had been told.

FWIW, I live in another country to my mum & consider us to be close but we don’t even speak monthly (life is hectic, kids, work etc etc) although do message regularly.

Try to not let this spoil your feelings when he does tell you.

Then your cousin is pathetic

Totally understandable to be hurt, but I’m inclined to think he’s planning to tell you and is waiting to see you or for time for a longer phone call or a group call. It probably hasn’t occurred to him you could hear it from someone else. Try not to let it spoil your enjoyment of his exciting news.

That is indeed hurtful. I disagree with those who say he is waiting to meet you in person. How difficult would it have been to do a video call and share the happy news? Is he not close to his siblings either? Because, sorry, you don't sound that close if you talk only once a month.

I got engaged while living overseas and bounded into work post holiday with such a grin / sparkly new ring everyone there knew. It was then four weeks before we were able to get to the uk and we held off telling both families for that time so we could do it in person.

It could be worse. My cousin and his wife have 4 daughters and they are all really close. Lots of regular get together, all the boyfriends get on, big family meals etc. One day, out of the blue, one if the daughters snd her boyfriend went on holiday and got married then told everyone when they got back. Lots of nice pictures of them in a beach but just the two of them. My cousin was livid snd didn't speak to his daughter or her new husband for 6 months.

I knew my best friend was engaged before his mum did as he had a very particular plan for how he wanted to tell her, but also wanted to tell me to keep the day free. However he did also tell me that she didn't know so I knew to keep shtum about it to ensure it didn't get back to her through the grapevine.

Oh op I would be very upset too. Ignore the people saying you’re not close or they speak to their dc daily. Your family is doing what it does and you’re all happy with it. People on mn are never able to understand that not everyone is the same as them.

I hope your DS comes back with an answer that makes you feel better.

I’d be hurt too. Hope it’s resolved soon.

Sorry OP. I would be very saddened and hurt by this.

Every family is different. Did you have more contact with your parents as an adult?

To be honest I don’t know anyone who has such low contact with their parents - even in our party focused twenties. I have friends in Australia and Canada and Singapore and they speak to their parents about once a week on the phone - plus annual visits.

are you close to your other children?

You’re not a very close family, hence he doesn’t feel any real need to share the news with you.

I’m also in my late twenties & can’t imagine only seeing my parents twice a year with a call every month. My husband has about that level of contact with PIL & isn’t close to them whatsoever, never has been, so the very low contact as adults was never a shock.

Who’s ’all sorts of people? Her DS’s best friend knew and he told his mum. That’s not telling ‘all sorts of people’.

The best friend may have helped pick out a ring, with proposal advice etc.

I think it’s a possibility then. Yes, it’s rough to find out from someone else, but you can’t win sometimes with how you communicate news.

Wow all these people who speak to their parents/ adult children daily. I would find that unbearable. Like the OP, regular keeping in touch on a WhatsApp group is absolutely fine with me

It is, however, very odd to get engaged, tell all sorts of people, but not mention it to your parents.

Everyone is different. One of my DC lives in the EU - probably not much longer a flight time from London that the flights to Aberdeen. Its still a long way. They come over a couple of times a year, I go to them usually in the Autumn. Sometimes its more, sometimes its only twice. In the event of need, either of us would and have dropped everything and travel to the other, as I imagine you would.

We generally Facetime a couple of times a month, sometimes more depending on what there is to talk about or if we are planning something which is more easily done face to face. Like you we are in pretty constant contact via messaging, which is generally much more popular with my DC generation.

The idea that you need to speak near daily or be constantly hopping on the plane to maintain a relationship these days is for the birds.

Is it possible that they wanted to announce in person at Hogmanay but a schoolfriend who knew has spilled the beans early? Honestly if it were one of mine I’d just call or message them and find out what was going on - you don’t even know for sure that its true.

How has he passed on other big news - new job, new house, etc? It sounds like you all love each other, but from what you’ve described I’m not particularly surprised he didn’t think “I must call mum” immediately. Honestly I’d wait to hear from him, see if he had a particular way of communicating this in mind before you get too upset.

Its almost certainly that.

Recall your text if you can to give them the opportunity to do it their way x

What random people on the internet??