DS got engaged and never told me

The very existence of this thread indicates that they aren’t close.

If you’re tired of repeating yourself, you’re free to stop. Nobody is making you say anything 50 times. ‘Tis a choice.

great news!! Too bad your son’s plan didn’t work out… but you get to see them next week and celebrate together. That’s lovely!

Read your fab update OP.
Happy times ahead. Enjoy the occasion.

@Yadsevet Some young adults need more parental contact than others. The OP’s son is in a serious relationship and his fiancée will be his primary person for emotional support, etc.

I met my DH around the same age as the OP’s son did, and I rang my parents once a week in the pre-texting era. My DD (20) isn’t in a serious relationship - we text a few times a week and she calls when she feels like it. I know that’ll change when she has a serious partner.

I don't think that's fair or accurate. Maybe he was waiting to announce it but he told his mate who told his mum who then told his mum by chance.
Let it go OP.

It’s also possible that there’s a miscommunication and they are planning to get engaged but haven’t actually done it yet.

Everyone is different. I speak to my DM once a month and would say we are closer in many ways than my DP is to his DM and DF who he sees once a fortnight and speak to almost daily. Sounds like you and your son have a relationship that works well for you OP and it’s lovely that he wants to celebrate a special anniversary with you. Have a terrific joint celebration!

I’d try not to over think until you speak to him there’s a few potential reasons-

1, friend got wrong end of stick
2, he wanted to tell you in a specific way and friend has accidentally spoilt it
3, it’s not that big a deal to him/chilled about it so thought he would just mention it ext time he rings

from what you describe it’s highly unlikely you have been spurned so whatever this is it’s accidental.

I knew there was an explanation!

Congratulations to you both, next weekend will be a double celebration! 🎉

I'm pleased to hear they hadn't deliberately chosen to keep you all in the dark and hopefully you will have a nice time together next weekend.

In the meantime obviously you need to instigate daily phone calls to improve your relationship or risk not being invited to the wedding.

Jeez, that sounds so overbearing!!

@Mumsier - phew!! That's a relief! Good news!

I have a 23 year old son. I speak to him at least 3 times a week and text daily. To me that’s more normal. He speaks to his grandparents more than once a month

My guess is that he wanted to tell the entire family at the same time and his friend has blown it by blabbing to his Mum!

It’s understandable though, his friend presumed that your DS would tell his family first and had no idea that this wasn’t the case.

No point dwelling on it @Mumsier, let your DS get in touch and be ready to congratulate them. Ultimately, it’s wonderful news, isn’t it!

I expect that your DS will learn a life lesson from this- that once you share something, news travels fast!

Sometimes families with awful dynamics have lots of contact with one another
My SIL sees and calls her mum a lot and they are heavily enmeshed- I wouldn't want that for me and my daughter
Conversely, my mum and I speak less than once a month, so you're doing pretty well, op!

For what feels like the 50th time speaking to someone frequently is not the only way to ensure a close relationship. The OP has not said anything to indicate that her and her son are not close so I'm not sure why people are continuing to make the point with such confidence.

Perhaps his best friend is wrong?

The most likely scenario is he told his best friend before he went on holiday he wanted to propose and the friend checked up on him afterwards, or perhaps even assumed it happened when it didn't.

I wouldn't say a childhood best friend finding out before parents is necessarily a terrible thing. Especially given his brother has just had a break up and your due a family call. There's no indication he's told everyone, and he's probably waiting on the family call to announce the news.

When me and DH got engaged we didn't tell anyone for a couple of weeks as we enjoyed it just being us two, and we were chosing a ring together so were waiting on that. One of DHs friends knew he was going to propose before my parents found out, and one of my friends as they saw us ring sshopping. We are quite private people, is your DS normal quick to share news?

How often do you call him?

My parents live on a different continent and I speak to them more than you speak to your DS. You’re not close.

A once a month phone-call is very good at 26 (especially for a man)
The posters saying otherwise generally only have young kids (or none at all)

Exactly. I might drop a WA every 10 days but every 3/4 weeks we talk for two solid hours. My family don't do a quick 5-10 minute phone calls.

Utterly ridiculous of those assuming anything but at least weekly phone calls, means folk aren't close.

I wouldn’t call this close but I also do think he was very unreasonable to not let you know! Is there any chance the friend is mistaken?? Seems odd.

When you say the family group chat is active every day... how often does he actually participate in it? If he's messaging and/or reacting to things, fine, but if everyone else is chatting and he has the group on mute, it's not a way to demonstrate he's close.

It sounds like maybe he told his mates in London and didn't occur to them one of them would tell his mum back home, and you'd find out that way? If so, just him being a bit thoughtless rather than actively excluding you from the news.

Not sure why people are commenting on how often you speak to your DS. I rarely phoned or visited my mum (whole host of logistical reasons, including her amazing social life, lol) but she was still one of the first I called when my ex and I got engaged. I’m sorry you are hurt op, and hope you speak with him soon.

Well, he might have thousands of reasons.

Obviously not your situation, but I (45 yo) only went low contact with my parents when it suited me.
You never crawl into the head of your (adult) child.