I’m so angry on my friends behalf

Oh sweet mother of all that is good and sane in the world!!!!

He is a prick, pure and simple. I am angry for her and I don't know her.

That's just plain nasty..Have you suggested that maybe she'd be better off on her own. Does she show signs that he is abusive in other ways. I'd never stay with a man like that. What a pig.

What the hell have I just read?!! omg what a petty little man this is!! When was bleeding every month a luxury!!?? Reading things like this makes me feel so grateful I'm with my hubby who would say “ add anything you like to the basket”.
poor lady leave him now!!😞

My son’s dad once refused to get me conditioner. Because “the women in my country don’t use such luxuries” (we’d move to this godforsaken hellhole)

a part of me died that day and it was the very beginning of the end

Actually feel repulsed reading this. Poor woman.

Well she can start by wearing his undies/ stuffing them in her pants then go on to his socks, leaving him to wash them. Bleeding on the bed/furniture will create more work for her

Dear God, this sounds so reminiscent of my abusive ex its given me goosebumps.
I left mine over 30 years ago and can still remember the feeling of hopelessness like it was yesterday.
Thank god she has you to confide in @lessee167 .

I couldn’t live my life with a man like this. Cripes, I hope she sees the light.

🤣🤣

I would too. Luxury item? My arse!

That is very calculated cruelty. I suppose he sees loo roll as a necessity to wipe his arse with yet sanitary products are luxury items!? What a piece of shit.

Personally I don't get relationships that operate like 'your money, my money' anyway.

It will not teach him if she removes his shaving foam from the shopping list. It will put her in danger, whether physically or emotionally, perhaps both.

We put up with morons like this because they were not morons to begin with. They charmed us, made us laugh, made us fall in love with the nice person they were portraying.

Then they bought us the wrong drink one day. They must have made a mistake but we don't say anything so as not to hurt or embarrass them. Without our knowing we've ticked their first box.

However many years later they're taking a necessary for our wellbeing off the shopping list having ground us down to accepting all manner of shit because whenever we have tried to call them out on some of their behaviour they've told us it's our own fault, that we're mad and need help and we soon learn that life is easier if we don't rock the boat. We have no control at all over that boat.

It can be very hard to see what you are enduring when you're in an abusive relationship. They keep your brain filled with them and their highs and lows precisely so you don't have the headspace to see their behaviour for what it is. It's often not until we are away from them that we can see what we've been through.

It does beggar belief, not that we have "put up with it" but that they have behaved like that.

He does not feel she is his inferior, he knows he is her inferior, that's why he has behaved the way he has. He is not a strong man.

My genuine advice to her is to free bleed for this cycle. When he comments she should say ‘ah, I agree that they are a luxury item and not essential in anyway!’. He certainly wouldn’t ever kick up a fuss in the future and would probably be straight down the shop to get her the items she needs.

I had a friend in a similar situation but it took her far too long to wake up and see him for the person he was and not what she wanted him to be. I had to step back at one point as he was emotionally abusive to their DC as well as her, and it was just too horrific to keep having to listen to without her doing anything. She had great support from her family and friends, I'd add.

Gently support her but don't wade in too deep. Abusive relationships are complex and deeply layered.

That's not just about financial mean-ness, it's misogynist and humiliating. Using his power to leave her without sanitary protection when she needs it.

Emotional abuse

I agree with @GreyCarpet above.

Do not encourage her to engage in any of the passive aggressive tit for tat suggestions above, gently encourage her to explore what emotional abuse is on the Women's Aid and other websites.

And just be there for her.

Do not underestimate the courage it has taken your friend to tell you this. If you live with someone abusive so much energy can be spent trying to pretend everything is normal. Keep offering her your ear and the promise of a safe place when she needs it

Agree

Thats deep into LTB territory. I don’t really understand how anyone can think otherwise?

Are any of her young teenagers girls?

Would he consider their periods to be a luxury?

Complete arsehole.

He sounds awful. Fingers crossed this is what is needed for her to wake up and leave him.

Oh how awful ☹️. Very challenging for you to know how to help.
Do they have children?

I want to punch him in the face. Repeatedly. Please show her this thread so she knows how utterly abhorrent his behaviour is.

He despises her. I don’t think there is any coming back from that.
The cruel treatment will continue and may escalate even if it’s not violent.
Your support sounds wonderful and I think will be invaluable to her. You are a good friend.