I’m so angry on my friends behalf

This level of pettiness is hateful. He’s testing how far he can push her. It sounds like he’s broken her quite a bit already.

If it was just a case of being right, free-bleeding might get the message through. But I fear he may escalate to worse treatment .

i will tell her i feel this has become financial abuse

@lessee167 I find asking questions can be helpful, with a view to guiding her to articulate what he is doing. It should make her (a) think about it rather than just close her ears to "he's abusive" because he might be allowing her a 'good' spell at that moment and it's easier than facing up to it; and (b) say it out loud. Which can be referred back to during her wobbles, if appropriate.

@Merryoldgoat It can take a woman up to seven attempts to leave her abuser. It can be extremely frustrating for those on the outside, especially when we are not in her position and even if we have an understanding of it, but calling her an idiot only relieves you of your frustration for a few minutes, it does nothing to help.

Probably his goal - to leave her humiliated.

Lots of excellent points above.

I find it beyond shocking that he deleted the sanitary towels from the order and didn't even say he'd done it. She could easily have been caught out without any luxury items pads.

What an utter arse.

He is disgusting and doesn't love or respect her but also is an abusive coward that wants her to leave so everyone will know how fantastic he is and how horrible she is because she broke the family.
I wonder if he is cheating or have someone else in the queue.
Disgusting man.

This is the crux for me. A bit of moaning is normal, no relationship is perfect and it’s expected to vent to friends.

If a friend was continually defending an abusive man (and this is abusive) then I’d lose my patience. It’s one thing to be trapped and unable to leave, it’s another to stick one’s head in the sand and say ‘he’s a bit tight’ when the reality is clearly different.

I wouldn’t be able to listen to this without telling her she was being an idiot staying with him.

She obviously needs to leave him, but if she continues to defend him after this, I'd be frustrated with her, as well. I'd have a limit, personally, to how long I'd be willing to listen to her complain about him without taking some kind of action. She's lucky you're patient enough to bite your tongue.

SHOW YOUR FRIEND THIS POST

I was in her position around eight years ago, it took other people’s opinions for me to see the light.
Like you’ve said, it starts so subtle, you don’t notice, and then he builds on it…it will get worse.

I’d use his fucking cut up clothes as my sanitary towels.

What a despicable individual!
Out of interest, do they have any daughters? If so, would he have the same attitude when they start needed sanitary products?
Actually, this post has made me very sad and angry……..the very thought that someone could be so spiteful and miserly just beggars belief.

I know his sort. She'll need a forensic accountant when/if she decides to divorce him to find his money. What an utter cunt. I really hope this will make her realise that he's an abusive cunt.

No, HE needs to go . . .

Op why have you put her story online? Does she know you've put this on mumsnet?

That’s horrible. I hope she bleeds out all over the bed, his towels and the bathroom and then tells him, well you said sanitary products are luxuries…

This is the second thread today that I have seen, that illustrates a ghastly, tight-arsed, 'man.' How depressing.

This man clearly doesn't even like his wife, let alone love her. She has a very low bar if she's tolerating this shit. I'd rather be single for life than be with a pathetic excuse of a man like this. He sounds repugnant and revolting.

Makes me glad to have my own husband to be honest. He can be a PITA sometimes (like all men LOL!) but he isn't - and never has been - so ludicrously petty and tight fisted.

Men like your friend's husband @lessee167 never do anything around the house either, they never do any childcare, and they're always shit in bed. (Selfish and boring.)

Seriously, tell her to leave him. No woman deserves this! As other posters have said, he is a controlling, abusive, misogynist. I don't know what's worse, if she has daughters - with a horrible sexist pig for a father - or sons, because they may end up like him.

Tell her to get out now, and take the children.

He's an arsehole. Luxury ! No. Necessity.

He's a nasty character. No decent human being would do that. I hope she finds the strength to end their marriage and be free of him.

That is truly shocking.

It’s not petty and mean. It’s abusive and deliberately humiliating. I feel sick reading this. Such joy awaits her in life once she gets rid of this cunt.

i understand your anger- it’s hard to believe men like this exist.

OP does your friend have sufficient money to buy sanitary products without him being aware of it?

How did she actually seem when she told you what he'd done? Was she mad, did she try and make light of it, or did she say something like I can't put up with this much longer?

I know you say that as her friend you listen, but have you ever indicated to her that in your opinion his behaviour toward her is unacceptable, and that perhaps she should think about ending the relationship? I know that if one of my friends told me their DH had done this, I wouldn't have been able to hold back, and would have told them what a disgusting, misogynistic pig they're married to, and encouraged them to leave a.s.a.p.

Thats awful - I hope your friend doesn’t have teen daughters ?!?

controlling, abusive and a misogynist who is clearly repulsed by women's bodily functions. Glad she has you for a friend

The friends and family who the OP can turn to help for need to be aware of this, so together with the OP they can make sure if it does end in separation, he does not get away with hiding any income or savings that could be hers.