AIBU to be a little sad at the idea of dd not believing in Father Christmas anymore?

I got in trouble at a similar age in an RE lesson for saying God doesn't exist, ha. I also have ASD.

Absolutely, I didn't say he was being malicious. But all the more reason to tell him firmly never to say that. Not a laughing emoji matter. A very serious matter, your son could make someone very angry.

This, to me, is completely irresponsible parenting.

"It's good to believe in things we can't see" is a fatuous and nonsensical position to take. Why are you teaching something so stupid to your child?

Seriously, what's good about believing in things we can't see? Surely that depends on whether those things are good or real or true. Is it good to believe in homeopathy? Is it good to believe in the devil? Is it good to believe in magnetism or in ley lines or in both?

We absolutely 100% know how and why the sun rises every day. It's not magical or mysterious or made up like Santa or God. You might as well have said "it's good to believe in things we can't see, like farting and the chimes of an ice cream van and the back of your own head."

My DS (36) has NEVER admitted Santa isn't real. Now OBVIOUSLY we know he knows, probably around 9ish but he kept the magic going for us. Even now when our fs(15) says something about us getting him stuff for Christmas our son will say 'you mean santa?' with wide eyes. DFS will say , with overly sarcasm, really slowly 'yes....I mean Santa....' and laugh.

It's a lovely balance of the lads pretending and having fun over it.

Obviously you dont want a child really believing when going to comp and if they ask you should tell the truth, but talk about keeping it safe for younger siblings, friends and family to still have that belief.

He’s 8 and has ASD he says things there’s no malicious intent behind it just what he thinks is fact

You don't need to spill the beans at all (unless the child is senior school age!) IME what happens is that they realise themselves but like to go along with it for a while longer until they let you know that they know! Let it come to a natural end.

I think it can depend how ‘deep’ you go into it all. I never thought I’d be one of those crunchy ‘it’s lying to your child’ parents, but actually I found it all a bit uncomfortable when DD1 started asking about Santa and it started requiring ever more elaborate lies to make it make sense, so we kept it all really vague and didn’t really go massively deep into the whole thing or give specifics, and when she asked outright we told her right away. So that surprised me I suppose; pre-kids I definitely would have scoffed at the idea it was lying to your kids, but when I actually was the one doing it, I didn’t like it because it did feel like that!

DD2 is only 3, so not sure how it will go with her. DD1 (6 now) knows not to spoil it for other children or her sister, but again I don’t feel comfortable if I have to come up with elaborate scenarios or outright fibs, so it’ll all be very vague and non-specific again.

Why? 🤔

OK so I'm not sure whether op's daughter genuinely thinks fairies are literally real or is thinking of them as figurative allegories or whatever. If the latter, then yes, I go back to my original suggestion that she is just playing along as most 7/8yos do, I think

My Daughter was 10, my son 3, he was beyond petrified by the belief that Santa would visit from aged 1, it was cruel to continue lying.
He is 10 and still enjoying the fun, he use to get really excited waiting for Santa, who was his DGF or me, my point is he enjoyed the moment when he knew it was fake.

I think you're misunderstanding me and getting defensive.

I'm saying a child acquiring new knowledge and skills is a cause for happiness and celebration, not sadness.

Some cognitive steps are required to realise fairies are not real.

"Have I ever seen one in real life? Have I seen anything similar to one? In terms of the sources that claim fairies are real, are they reputable? Do all the sources agree or are their descriptions contradictory?"

These critical thinking skills are useful for all aspects of life.

Children start with the "appeal to authority" logical fallacy. Ie "my mum says fairies are real, so they are real". Round about KS1-3, most children develop critical thinking skills and start to think "my mum says fairies are real, but she might be mistaken or not telling the truth, for a variety of reasons (eg keeping magic alive). Let me think for myself whether they are real."

There's no need to be defensive about it, but your daughter has not yet reached that developmental stage (or she has but is playing along).

My 8 year old was asking what he wanted Father Christmas to get him this year. I wondered if he was pulling my leg but I played along. Yep it goes so fast does it OP!

Did you really believe in Father Christmas at 10 years old?

I’d wonder where my parenting had gone wrong if I had an 11-12 year old in tears over Father Christmas, honestly.

I don’t think it’s quite the same thing though.

If you’re watching a scary film it doesn’t mean you lack critical thinking skills if you jump and feel tense and afraid. You know that it’s not real but you’re able to suspend reality. That’s what belief in fairies etc is. I know you weren’t being critical of the DD, but I do think they are different sort of views / skills.

Op, i remember having 'the conversation' with ds and it was bittersweet. When I explained, I took advice from my mum. Santa is real, but he's the personification of giving - a feeling, an idea, rather than just one person. I said that once children get to a certain age, it's their job to help pass that feeling on to smaller children. They therefore become 'Santa'. Ds then helped me with his little sister. He helped me buy her presents, ate the mince pie and drank the milk, helped sprinkle flour in the hallway to make footprints etc.

It worked with him quite nicely, because he understands more abstract concepts like this, but may not work with some kids. I can't see my autistic dd understanding it in the same way because she's very literal. Ds liked the idea that Santa is an idea passed from generation to generation. Giving is magic, isn't it? It's a wonderful feeling.

I was actually relieved when my dd2 found out. She kept it going for 3 years though as it meant more presents 🤣. But I got fed up of having to hide the presents from Santa. I had about 12 years of it!

Noooo my son is 8m old and I was sure I had at LEAST 10 years of Santa. You’re telling me it’s 5?! 😭😭😭😭

I would be more concerned than proud if a NT kid genuinely still believed at 10. Think I would keep that to myself.

God - it’s a secondary school, so I’d be a bit worried if FC started a riot! Although there are always lots of posters adamant their twelve year olds still believe, so who knows!

Why was the other child “horrible” for telling the truth?

Sorry to sound harsh but if she also believes in fairies and such like, you can't claim she has plenty of critical thinking.

This is a genuine problem in society, where a lack of critical thinking leads to proliferation in conspiracy theories, anti-medicalism and so on.

Of course your DD is only 8 so it's fine for her not to have these skills yet, but I'm saying when she does acquire them, that's a reason to be happy and proud not sad.

Most twig when they clock the disparity between their own and their friends gifts from FC. FC is supposed to be the ultimate kind giving person and most kids have an acute sense of fairness. So when they see Lily got an x box and they got a book and some chocolate they start to cotton on ….