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Original poster

Should I rake up the past or leave it where it is? ***Trigger warning added by MNHQ: contains content about CSA***

38 replies

Lookingback29 · 27/09/2025 22:58

When I was 15 (20 years ago) I was doing work experience in a local hospital.

One of the care assistants had asked me to do the blood pressures on all the patients so I did but I did the scoring system incorrectly (obviously I should never have been doing this as basically a child with no training!!) the ward manager was extremely cross with me and I was very upset

One of the drs (he was about 30 at the time) saw me and gave me a hug and said I could work with him instead. Basically from then on he flattered me, messaged constantly, and kept asking to meet up. One day he insisted on meeting me in a wood. He told me we should have sex (I was a virgin) I didn’t want to but he proceeded to anyway and all I can really remember is it hurting, seeing a deer (!!!) being cold and then worrying I was pregnant.

After that he harassed me with 100s of text messages a day. When I started college I showed my tutor the messages and he said to go to the police but I was too scared and by this point he had moved away. I changed my number and of course everything then stopped.

I often wonder about what he’s doing now. He’s a successful doctor and I’m really furious with him for what he did to me. Would you try and contact him? I will most likely just not do anything but I never ever told anyone about it and it’s felt nice to write it down!

OP posts:
Absentosaur · 28/09/2025 15:31

WiggyPig · 27/09/2025 23:51

When you say 20 years ago is that exactly 20 years ago i.e. 2005? If it was after 2003, then he was committing a serious sexual offence (abuse of a position of trust) having offered for you to work with him instead, and that's before you get on to the harassment with the hundreds of messages. Even if in his head it was "consensual" (or he claims to believe it was) that's not a defence, he knew you were 15 and he had offered to take over supervision of your work experience.

If it was pre-2003 then he was an absolute pig but there's probably little to be gained from reporting him.

Age 15. This would always be rape of a child.

Absentosaur · 28/09/2025 15:30

Maddy70 · 27/09/2025 23:38

For your own mental health put it down to a growing up experience and put it behind you (if you can ) he wax on a position of trust and used that to his advantage. Yes you could go to the police but in my experience, let it go. It really isn't worth the emotional turmoil.

Being raped isn’t ’a growing up experience’. It’s sexual violence and should be reported.

Absentosaur · 28/09/2025 15:28

You can report it. You may find that the police already have his name on record. I would.

NoCommentingFromNowOn · 28/09/2025 15:27

Maddy70 · 27/09/2025 23:38

For your own mental health put it down to a growing up experience and put it behind you (if you can ) he wax on a position of trust and used that to his advantage. Yes you could go to the police but in my experience, let it go. It really isn't worth the emotional turmoil.

put it down to a growing up experience

Excuse me? Older man rapes child and harasses her until she changes her number and this is your take?

WiggyPig · 27/09/2025 23:51

When you say 20 years ago is that exactly 20 years ago i.e. 2005? If it was after 2003, then he was committing a serious sexual offence (abuse of a position of trust) having offered for you to work with him instead, and that's before you get on to the harassment with the hundreds of messages. Even if in his head it was "consensual" (or he claims to believe it was) that's not a defence, he knew you were 15 and he had offered to take over supervision of your work experience.

If it was pre-2003 then he was an absolute pig but there's probably little to be gained from reporting him.

surprisebaby12 · 27/09/2025 23:44

if you’ve got to the stage you could tackle this legally, I say go for it. Yes it might come to nothing without evidence, but it may also reveal a pattern of behaviour. Every report adds up

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/09/2025 23:44

Only you know if reporting will make you feel better or worse. Without evidence solely your testimony may not do anything. But there might be many more and we know from all the predators that you need 20 women to say something. Maybe there are already 19 and it would make a difference.

Maddy70 · 27/09/2025 23:38

For your own mental health put it down to a growing up experience and put it behind you (if you can ) he wax on a position of trust and used that to his advantage. Yes you could go to the police but in my experience, let it go. It really isn't worth the emotional turmoil.

crazeekat · 27/09/2025 23:32

You can see if he is still
practicing on the GMC. Then I think you can speak to the police, they will have liason who can give you advice. Have you looked him up on social media? A doctor where I live has just been stuck off for sexual contact with a minor. They are not above the law hun. I hope you do what is right for you. He abused you and is still in a position of trust. It would be difficult but never believe you can’t do anything. I’m sorry you had to go through this.

Ikeameatballs · 27/09/2025 23:29

Please report him to the police

Givenupshopping · 27/09/2025 23:26

Even though years have gone by OP, I really do think you should go to the police about this. With someone like a doctor, who may well be dealing with vulnerable women every day, he should definitely be investigated. For all you know, another young woman may have reported him and not been believed, however, if you were to report what happened to you, it may just lead to the first accusation being taken seriously, and action taken against him. Please have the courage to report this man.

Allthatshines1992 · 27/09/2025 23:13

Please report him. You're safe now and away from him and any harm he could do to you and by reporting you could help to protect others.

huffdragon · 27/09/2025 23:06

I’m sorry this happened to you. I was also sexually assaulted by someone in the hospital where I worked age 18. I think about it from time to time and am pretty sure I wasn’t the first or last. I think you have to decide what you want to get out of contacting him. If he denies it, or blocks you, how is that going to make you feel? If you think he is doing it to other people, would you think of going to the police? I’ve thought about it myself but realise it is incredibly difficult to prove anything all these years later and he is probably an old man by now. I don’t know what the answer is but understand your dilemma.