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Original poster

Is this normal or am I a mug?

90 replies

jumpingjaque · 27/09/2025 22:34

Am I in the wrong?

Parrtner is away for a boys weekend. No issues whatsoever but his niece’s 18th was planned for tonight afterwards.

I went, lovely evening with his family etc. I’ve sent him videos and pics of his niece. Nothing back?

He’s commenting on the family chat but not to me directly?

We are both mid to late 40’s so this is not some sort of childish behaviour.

I’m pissed off that I’ve gone out of my way to sort out childcare for an evening to spend with his family and he cannot even acknowledge me? Is this normal?

OP posts:
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NewDayNewColour · 02/10/2025 22:58

jumpingjaque · 27/09/2025 22:56

Really? Right ok. Obviously on a different wavelength here. If the tables are turned and I was away, he made the effort to go to a family celebration (for whatever reason) I’d be highly grateful and asking how it went etc? Would you not?

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Ah but he wouldn't would he? Honestly, would he go to YOUR nieces party with your family? No, I bet he wouldn't. Next time he's away, don't do his job for him, he can do it when he gets back.

Doubledenim305 · 02/10/2025 22:51

Id personally be hurt/annoyed.
Stop investing in him and his family so much. Go out with your friends and do what you want.

Don't make him your world and it's less painful.

ButSheSaid · 01/10/2025 09:24

nomas · 30/09/2025 12:14

You wouldn't know how to reply to seeing picture's of your niece's birthday party celebrated with her family, i.e. your mum and dad and siblings?

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I as I said, no. Why ask me a question that I already posted the literal answer to this question?

Onceisenoughta · 30/09/2025 18:13

Are you a mug? Well you maybe feel like one or you wouldn't be asking the question 🫤. Does he do other things that make you feel like a mug or is it just this one thing in isolation?

Based only on what you've said so far, I think he's an absolute twat to blatantly ignore you - unless you have form for texting him while he's away and he doesn't like it. Have you experienced it before?

SimplyAFolly · 30/09/2025 16:19

jumpingjaque · 27/09/2025 22:34

Am I in the wrong?

Parrtner is away for a boys weekend. No issues whatsoever but his niece’s 18th was planned for tonight afterwards.

I went, lovely evening with his family etc. I’ve sent him videos and pics of his niece. Nothing back?

He’s commenting on the family chat but not to me directly?

We are both mid to late 40’s so this is not some sort of childish behaviour.

I’m pissed off that I’ve gone out of my way to sort out childcare for an evening to spend with his family and he cannot even acknowledge me? Is this normal?

yep, in the wrong. The man needs to reset and refresh and your still pecking his head?

warmapplepies · 30/09/2025 15:13

Verv · 30/09/2025 13:03

Every day I am thankful for having the common sense to turn off read receipts on WhatsApp.
People should try it, it nips all of this patrolling in the bud.

Same. All these dramas could be resolved so easily if people couldn’t see whether you’d read their messages!

warmapplepies · 30/09/2025 15:12

nomas · 30/09/2025 13:08

Random? If you don't know how to respond to pictures of your niece with your parents and siblings then that is very odd indeed.

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Oh well, I’m not particularly fussed if some internet random thinks I’m odd 🤣

I have no interest in seeing photos of parties I didn’t attend. I would of course be polite in person but if someone just sent me a load of unasked for photos on WhatsApp I’d think they were the ones being a bit odd.

Cakeandcardio · 30/09/2025 14:31

OP it's weird. You know it is. But I can see already the usual mumsnet shite of 'of course not, why would you expect your husband to acknowledge you? Why sbould he ruin his weekend to message you?' is already in full swing

TheOtherAgentJohnson · 30/09/2025 14:20

jumpingjaque · 27/09/2025 23:13

Quite possibly! Thank you, we shall see, I’m sure it will be fine and I’m overthinking it but I just hate being ignored x

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I'm not going to be ignored, Dan!

Boil the fucker's rabbit, that'll teach him.

Owly11 · 30/09/2025 14:08

Sounds like he is feeling guilty. I think you shouldn’t have gone to his niece’s party. If he’s not there it’s not your job to fill in for both of you. However much you didn’t mind, it’s the principle of it. I suspect he knows that it will have made him look very bad. His absence wouldn’t have been as noticeable if you hadn’t gone.

RubiesandRose · 30/09/2025 14:03

Maybe the question you should ask yourself is whether this is his normal behaviour, if he’s away for the weekend. Is he usually less responsive on acknowledging messages. If he’s away is, then it’s probably par for the course but maybe he feels more obligated to comment on a family group chat.

if he’s normally equally responsive to you when he’s away and this is a change in behaviour and messaging frequency, then I would question what prompted the change in behaviour and be a bit pissed off.

nomas · 30/09/2025 13:08

warmapplepies · 30/09/2025 12:34

I’m not the poster you responded to but honestly? No. Most people aren’t all that interested in seeing photos of random parties they didn’t attend.

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Random? If you don't know how to respond to pictures of your niece with your parents and siblings then that is very odd indeed.

Verv · 30/09/2025 13:03

Every day I am thankful for having the common sense to turn off read receipts on WhatsApp.
People should try it, it nips all of this patrolling in the bud.

Hankunamatata · 30/09/2025 12:57

You sent him pics and videos, he looked at them.
Why does he need to reply?

warmapplepies · 30/09/2025 12:34

nomas · 30/09/2025 12:14

You wouldn't know how to reply to seeing picture's of your niece's birthday party celebrated with her family, i.e. your mum and dad and siblings?

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I’m not the poster you responded to but honestly? No. Most people aren’t all that interested in seeing photos of random parties they didn’t attend.

jonthebatiste · 30/09/2025 12:27

The issue is that the OP “just hates being ignored”. I think that’s all anyone needs to know, really, in judging reasonableness.

LoveWine123 · 30/09/2025 12:20

Maybe I'm missing something but I don't really see the issue. He is away, but is texting and acknowledging his niece's birthday in the family chat. You are part of the family chat so he knows you are seeing his messages. He is nit ignoring you, he is responding in the other chat instead of the private one. I don't think you are a mug (what does that even mean in this context?) but I do think you sound very insecure and needy. Is there history of him ignoring you? Do you have a problem with him being on the trip?

nomas · 30/09/2025 12:14

ButSheSaid · 30/09/2025 12:11

I know. My reply was written knowing that.

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You wouldn't know how to reply to seeing picture's of your niece's birthday party celebrated with her family, i.e. your mum and dad and siblings?

ButSheSaid · 30/09/2025 12:11

nomas · 30/09/2025 11:57

It's HIS niece, not hers.

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I know. My reply was written knowing that.

Treeseys · 30/09/2025 12:10

Sounds like he is taking the piss with all these trips and you rightly feel like a mug.

If you feel like a mug, you generally are, IMO.

LittleBitofBread · 30/09/2025 11:58

Clueless12389 · 27/09/2025 22:39

He’s probably just having fun with his mates. I wouldn’t have contacted my DH at all other than just a text to say he’d landed safely wherever he is.

when’s he home?

But he's finding the time to comment on the family chat.

nomas · 30/09/2025 11:57

ButSheSaid · 30/09/2025 11:54

If someone sent me photos and videos of a nieces birthday I would wonder why, and have no idea what to reply.
You're included in the group messages.

It's HIS niece, not hers.

nomas · 30/09/2025 11:56

Do you feel like he takes you for granted?

You need to have equal time for you, where he does the childcare and you go spend time with friends, siblings, family.

He shouldn't think it's your job to sort family occasions whilst he goes off with friends.

What you see as kindness, he may see as your job.

ButSheSaid · 30/09/2025 11:54

If someone sent me photos and videos of a nieces birthday I would wonder why, and have no idea what to reply.
You're included in the group messages.

warmapplepies · 30/09/2025 11:50

I wouldn’t feel the need to respond to bunch of texts or videos about my nieces 18th either - in fact I’d be wondering why on earth my partner was bothering to send them in the first place.

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