To wish I’d known how crap and miserable being a lone parent is?

If only we could do the same! Mine just came back from a 2 week all inclusive holiday and told me on Friday I was lucky he was having dc1 this weekend as he was tired from all of his travelling! I’ve learned to just grit my teeth now as I’m sure he says things to wind me up on purpose.

I’m glad you’ve met a nice man now. I was briefly seeing a single dad for a while and was also very pleasantly surprised how much of a good dad he was. I’ve just turned 28 but have given up meeting anyone for now. I only seem to attract cheats or users anyways. 😫

I was initially dismissing the posts that suggested some mental health issues as tactless but these latests revelations are casting a completely new light into the situation. OP has opened threads with other names with more specific details about her situation that now make me genuinely worried about the well being of the children.
Paging MNHQ for them to take a look to the thread and do anything in their power to help this person and the above all her children.

Multiple people registered to the address will provide the investigators with evidence!

Not if it is cash, which is highly probable.

The thread is basically I Will Get Pissy Because You Ignored My Helpful Advice.

If he’s not declaring rental income of over £7,500 per year (which presumably it must be if it’s sufficient for him not to work and he’s renting out multiple rooms in his house) then this is tax evasion and you should report him to HMRC. They will investigate and once he’s forced to declare his true income (plus pay a fine) he’ll also be forced to pay some maintenance via CMS.

If he’s not declaring rental income of over £7,500 per year (which presumably it must be if it’s sufficient for him not to work and he’s renting out multiple rooms in his house) then this is tax evasion and you should report him to HMRC. They will investigate and once he’s forced to declare his true income (plus pay a fine) he’ll also be forced to pay some maintenance via CMS.

All of the things I suggested and many that others have suggested were to help the OP to fundamentally change her situation over time. Nobody’s going to have a magic bullet to miraculously make everything easy immediately but there are certainly steps she can take to improve things significantly and gradually address the issues she’s raised about having no time to herself, little money, etc. Ultimately wallowing will make the situation worse whereas taking positive steps to improve her situation will improve things both objectively and most likely also improve how she feels about her life over time.

She doesn’t want to meet up with you and the kids their cousins ?

People who say they feel sorry for children just want to make women feel bad? That's your perception of things, not reality.

I posted lots of ways OP can get support for her and her children and from her replies, it does make me feel sorry for her children ( and her ) that she has such a negative view on life and won't seek support for herself...

Hi OP
I know how crushingly lonely and isolating single parenthood is.
Only you doing the parenting. In the mean time, you see friends and family surrounded by partners with support.
You are not alone but it is so important that you take one day at a time.
Step by step x

I used to take y kids on pontins weekends. Often the accomodation was free ad took the food we would've ateat home anyway and they had a reusable cups at entertainment venue that I put water or squash in for them.

Could use the swimming pool see entertainment etc and they were kept occupied. Icould sit and have a drink while they burned off energy . On face one ofthem was so good atthe competitions etc she ept winning us free weekends accomomodation
Still get deals with Sun holidays etc fr weekends away cheay

I think that's the point people are making though, nothing will fundamentally change her situation. She needs to take positive steps and small changes that she implements to help herself and her children.
Small steps can include many things such as doing 20mins of yoga everyday, getting out for a walk, speaking to a gp etc.
Being miserable and letting the years pass by until she can date again is not going to help her. We cannot change many things in life and no doubt shes been dealt a bad hand but what shes doing now and for the last decade hasnt helped and will be affecting her children.

Because it's the small things that can make a difference and sometimes if lucky they can add up to make a real positive difference.. Please don't underestimate having a good hour here or there and how it can lift someones spirits.

Sitting at home with a blank refusal to get any help, no matter how small, in order to even try to make life better smacks of depression. So that's the point.

Sadly we are the ones in charge of our own happiness, our own situations (within reason) and our own mindset to deal the utter crap that life sometimes brings. Nobody else in the OP's life seems to give a rats which is just awful so all that is left is it boils down to her.

What is the other thread, can someone link it?

OP I do honestly feel very sorry for you and cant imagine what it's like BUT I do think it's very naive to have children and assume you will always have a partner. I mean anything can happen in life and its been a decade and you still seem stuck in the same place. Lots of people are in your situation and manage to find some joy in life, you seem to be holding on to the fact that eventually you will get to date again but you need to find some happiness and contentment within yourself or that will never workout either.

Do you get out everyday? Do things with your children? Meet up with friends? Exercise? You tick sooooo many boxes for depression and denying it or saying it's all situational or to do with tiredness isnt doing yourself any favours. I used to always say the same thing, "if only my situation was different I'd be fine....." but when life/situation doesnt/isnt going to change then you owe it to yourself and your children to try EVERYTHING. Your children will pick up on your mood and loneliness.

Theres lots of things you can do but one of the main things is to stop comparing your situation to everyone elses and assuming everyone goes on holidays/spa breaks and lives much more happy lives or that dating will bring you anything. Happiness doesnt come from any of that, you could be on a dessert Island and still be completely miserable.

MN seem to agree it crossed a line; it’s been removed.

IMO it should be against talk guidelines but it isn’t. But something doesn’t have to be against talk guidelines for you to know it’s just a really unpleasant thing to do.

There's no rule against it, AFAIK. And as you say, it isn't dangerous in this case, or I wouldn't have done it.

Yes, you’re correct. Immediately recognisable.

It sounds like a really difficult and shit situation OP! You sound like you're completely spent. Your ex is bloody vile and sounds like he's a waste of space. I have so much contempt for "fathers" like him, who just piss off and leave their DCs high and dry. They make my blood boil.

I don't have a clue about what help (if any) is available in your area - I know it varies wildly across the board, and often many hoops to jump through. I have many friends whose DC are ND and they have similar struggles. Some use a local family hub (which does days out for kids, along with clubs for kids who are ND and NT). This however doesn't give parents a long break (though I understand that they have taken the kids for a few hours)! I guess you're in a similar situation. For one of my friends, I've offered to help and to watch her younger kids but there are very few who can watch them (friend's youngest needs 1:1 - I believe SS have helped or signposted with that for short breaks - like a half day). Her eldest is good friends with my DD and I've taken her away with us on holidays and days out....but again, that is still leaving her with the younger kids. What is good though, is that she (and my other friends) has supportive mates and family about who do and can help. Do your NT kids get to go on playdates? It's not the same as a break but makes a bit of a change. My DC have mates who are ND (as well as NT) and we'd always happily have them over for playdates (and sleepovers if they were up to it). I wish I could make it easier for her (and you, and others!).

I'm betting you've already looked for all the above, but if you haven't in a while, would it be worth having another search? x

PS I hope that I am using the correct terminology (i.e. when I say ND/NT). I don't mean any offence if I am not, and please someone correct me if I'm not!

You don’t need telling that it’s cruel to say ‘I feel sorry for your kids.’

People who say that don’t give a shit about children. All they care about is making women feel bad.

If you genuinely cared about the children you’d be starting with the mother.

It’s out of order to link to previous threads under a NC and while I get this isn’t one of those instances it could be really dangerous. It’s just a dickhead thing to do. Don’t do it.

Oh, it's her ok.