To wish I’d known how crap and miserable being a lone parent is?

There are definitely tough bits - we have to carry everything, 24/7, providing everything.

On the other hand, at least we don't have to deal with crappy and needy (or abusive) partners.

Don't look at the social media images of perfect relationships. They aren't real, every relationship has positives and negatives.

I agree about talking to your GP if you are never happy. Even at the most stressful DD made me smile (mostly 😁) and be happy that I was her mum.

I'm a widow so it's probably completely unacceptable for me to say that I bloody love being a single parent. But there we are. Your feelings are just as valid as mine.

I’m not a lone parent (my ex has her for 8 hours on a sat with no parenting whatsoever) and I do find it hard that I’m the bad guy that has rules and boundaries. I find it hard to never have a night off and that I have no option of a relationship as I’m tied to the house/my DD. But…it won’t be like this forever, this too will pass and I am very grateful I’m self-sufficient and have my lovely DD.

hi OP, single parent for 12 years now, no family locally and a useless ex who isn't around. I know how hard it is and empathise. All I can say is, it is a rollercoaster. some months I think things are getting easier then I get back down in the pits again. but it is a bit better now my child is older and at secondary. the loneliness is endless and does a number on your mental health, death by 100000 cuts, the longer it goes on the more it feels eternal! I improve things by focussing on my career and booking little breaks away when I can afford it (cheap ones) to give us something to look forward to and break up the monotony. You need little things to look forwards to if you are able to find them - anything. And enrol on some free courses you can find. Perhaps find an afternoon once a month to do some volunteering, anything where you can be around others. I feel like i lose the will to be social and it makes everything worse, but it's so important to keep trying. Also, therapy. I know it is hard on the NHS to get but please give it a go, even if you only get a few sessions it can help so much.

I was a single parent for a long time 8years completely no family support.
What made life a little more enjoyable I think was having things to look forward to, days out, holidays. That side got easier as I progressed work wise.

That said, I do remember how difficult it was when my DD was ill or I was ill with no back up, lonely birthdays, quiet Christmas. Not something I'd wish on anyone else.
I did go onto meet someone and we married. I do look back with some happy memories of those 8 years though.

Is there anything you could change in your life, do you work could you improve work prospects train up in something different, if you can't work do you mix with anyone else in other areas? Not thinking about meeting anyone just being around others can be good for your own wellbeing especially if you are isolated.

I agree with the PP who said there might be more going on with your mental health than just being a lone parent. Lots of people parent alone and dont recognise the feelings you describe of not enjoying anything in life. I'm a single parent and know how hard it can be, but it is also extremely enjoyable and rewarding. Maybe you should think about speaking to your GP?

It must be hard OP. What would make you feel happier about your situation, maybe someone else has experience in it and can offer advice!

I’m a single mum to a 16 year old, fuck all family support but have built a friendship network over the years. I now have cancer and he is a complicated kid with sen and medical needs. I love being a single parent and am so glad I don’t have to manage the complication of another person in our home. It doesn’t have to be crap and miserable. Really sounds like you could do with talking to your GP, you really do sound depressed and if you can address that the rest will be so much easier

I can just about imagine how hard it is, it must be unrelenting.

You can't change the past, what do you think you can do? Are you OK? Are you actually coping?

Hey I'm m in your boat too. In my 12th year now and so damn tough. Your feeling miserable because your in a miserable situation, no one knows how hard it is unless they have been in your shoes. Just keep going, sounds like you are doing amazing in very trying circumstances.

If you've managed 10 years, you've done the hard bit already

Depends, surely? For all we know her child(ren) may have additional needs or may be struggling above and beyond. I agree broadly speaking it gets easier but this isn’t a given for everybody.

I know from experience that it is hard being a mum of primary aged children when in a sound relationship but away from social and family networks due to relocation.

So it must be incredibly hard when you have neither the social or familial support, nor a supportive spouse, nor the financial support of a second earner in the household.

I feel for you.

Do try to connect / reconnect with friends, read, and minimise social media use to protect your mental health. Try to be active in your downtime even if it seems that you don't have the energy.

And remember, it will get better. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

I think you might be quite badly off mental health wise, OP, and could benefit from talking to a professional? I'm lone and it's quite hard sometimes but I really don't recognise the idea of nothing bringing you happiness (and it's not family support making the difference for me, they're across the sea - I have worked hard on friendships though).

Honestly, you sound depressed. Have you considered that? If you are, getting treatment might help things feel less hopeless, and help create the drive to put more things for you into your life. It sounds like you need something that is "for you" rather than "for your children".

Even with a partner, parenting can feel like an unrelenting slog. I have no idea how anyone manages to do it along, and find it very hard when I do have to do it solo.

However, there are things you could do to make every weekend feel a little less groundhog day, and to make a plan for your birthday or Christmas that doesn't mean you feel so lonely. Not being able to see that option is what makes me think you're ground down to the extent its an illness.

If you've managed 10 years, you've done the hard bit already.

Really sorry to hear this.

What specifically are you struggling with? What would help?
There are lots of single parents in the same boat. Do you think it might help to find others in a similar situation? I see posts on Facebook asking about get togethers and ours has a co ordination page for toys and clothes which has loads of volunteer’s helping lots of women.

@RibenaRibena

what would/could you have done differently if you had known YOU'Dfeel
like this (not everyone does)

I have never been in your position. I’m glad some are happy being single on this thread but your feelings are very valid.