To wish I’d known how crap and miserable being a lone parent is?

I was a lone parent, but had family support so I was never alone. And I worked full time so had a moment in my life whereby my child wasn’t front and centre and I could just be adult me.

It sounds like your world is just you and your children, and I can imagine that being hard.

I will say that those of us that enjoy single parenting, mainly had a miserable time with a man. My life was much much better when it was me and my DD than when it was the 3 of us, because I was miserable and he was a terrible partner. I spent lockdown with my DD and yes, it was hard, but I really enjoyed her company (she was about 7).

Do you work? Is your work fulfilling in any way? My career was interesting to me, and challenged me. If work isn’t the place that gives you some “you time”, then what about hobbies? I ended up starting my own local craft clubs, and it meant that when I didn’t have a sitter I could bring my DD along because I made up the rules(ish) - but through getting involved in child friendly community troupe events, I have met lots of people and parenting felt less lonely.

My advice to you is to find a way to spend a few hours without your children - and maybe you need to start by asking someone to babysit - grabbing coffee with a mum after the school run - anything that gives you a sense of purpose.

It is hard - but I hope you find you time.

There’s some really unhelpful posts on this thread. Parenting is hard and can feel overwhelming and unrelenting, but that’s how many of us feel when we have a partner and family (mine aren’t local but will help where they can). Add in no partner to tag team with or leave dc for a night out, single income and a dc with additional needs and of course it’s going to be lonely and hard. That’s not the op being depressed, that’s the op struggling to be mum and dad on minimal money feeling exhausted and lonely.

I’m really sorry it’s like this for you op. I wonder if you could venture into online dating just for chat and company even if you’re not looking to actually go on a date? Be prepared for some horrors but if you’re not planning to meet them you could use it as a form of human interaction and amusement. I’d say that in 5 years your life will look different as dc will be that much older. In the mean time, don’t be hard on yourself and set unrealistic expectations (you’re not 2 people so don’t compare), and try to aim to get out of the house each day - it’s less claustrophobic and mess you can’t see isn’t there.

Why doesn’t your ex see the children or pay maintenance

Ohhh lovely I was a lone parent for many years and still kind of am. The lone you are speaking of. I met someone through a hobby. I was doing the hobby for myself though. We live in two diff countries because of work and kids school but huge difference is his support of me, thats such a huge help to share and any moment spare, we fly to each other. I'm in the UK to see my family during kids time off and he's here random weekends etc when work allows. It's so hard but please do things you enjoy because you never know!

I don't think you're depressed. As a previous poster said, you are just at the end of your tether thanks to your situation. The fact that you are keen to get out there and date shows you are optimistic for the future. I am glad you are here and feel safe enough to discuss the problem. It must feel so overwhelming. What are your cleaning/shopping/cooking routines like? Maybe making a few small changes here and there could make a bit of a difference to your every day. Wishing you the best 💐

So if you out and out ask your mum, explain that you're really struggling, she'd not help you?

Can't you find other single parents and get a bit of a network going ?

It was hard enough with financial support and regular contact. I cannot even imagine how much harder it was without. It honestly feels painful even imagining that. Your feelings are totally valid.

mine are now both adults but I did all but 2 years of it alone. Even before then he worked away. Writing this has made me realise I genuinely have and will never have experience of what it’s like to co parent.

OP this sounds incredibly hard. You have explained in your post that you did not choose to be a single parent, you have no support network, no money, no opportunity for a break and children with additional needs. . Yet a lot of posters can’t seem to understand your pain is understandable but seem to think there is a psychological diagnosis. I’m sorry your life is so difficult and everything you’re writing is valid

Why not? Couple hours here and there add up, it's a break. Caring is hard work, those hours here and there can be invaluable if you look at it from a different angle.
Have you no family around at all that you can talk to? Friends, explain how your feeling?

I know, but nothing is going to change, so all you can do is change your mindset. I'm sorry to be blunt. Your just going to have to accept that this is how life is for now and find the joys in what you have

I have friends and family who have nights out and weekends away ect, nice holidays..... I wouldn't swap lives with them, their partners bring them nothing but stress and upset

Everyone paints their relationships and lives to be perfect but their not. My friend is currently on holiday with her partner and their children. On face value it looks like she's having an incredible time. But she's not. She's miserable and she doesn't want to be with him anymore because she does all the mental load of life / household chores and he does literally nothing.

My sister looks happily married on the surface. Posts instagram style photos and nice days out. No one knows her husband has lost his job 3 times and now their having to move into a caravan.... when she does tell people she will paint it as a chosen adventure....

The days are long but the years go fast. In a few years your youngest will of started school and you'll be able to have some time to yourself during the day hopefully then

Honestly, just try to look at the positives of it all.

Well, taking you at your word, I went back to see if I missed something, and this is what I see:
It’s completely miserable and lonely and I think people kid themselves saying how great it is! I am lonely, miserable, have no money, getting old and feel old beyond my years, no free time to myself ever, haven’t even had sex in a decade! Facing another birthday and Xmas alone, every weekend the same old. I know people say it isn’t forever but it’s a bloody long time.
I don't see anything about her singleness there, and I'm not going to bother sifting through to see if she added more later.

I have no family that helps and I'm also a lone parent as child's dad lives in another country now.

I'm not saying it's not hard, the teen years are just as bad as the toddler years but I don't find it all hard.

The parenting I don't find an issue, it's the factbthat when they're being an ass I sint have anyone else that can step in and say yes you're being out of order etc.
The fact that when you're I'll you're still having to do everything. Bills are all in you. House upkeep, gardening, working, cooking, cleaning... basically ALL decision making stops with you.
That's what I find the most hard

Personally even without kids I'm not the kind of person ot go on spa breaks or weekends away with friends etc so don't feel like I'm missing out there, it's more the exhaustion of having No-one to fall back on when you really need it. That's what I struggle with

Good - and yes, being a parent is stupidly hard, let alone on your own for the whole journey. You do sound down tho and that's really sad. I do think there are things you can do to try and change things - probably all of them small but they add up. Remember tho please, you've done a heck of a lot to be proud of yourself, you've done it all on your own. Honestly, kudos where it's due.

@RibenaRibena sorry if I have missed this, but how old are your kids?

I was a single mum for over a decade and it was crap. Though the difference back then was that there was less pressure to work, and school hours was my free time, so I quite enjoyed finding stuff to do while ds was at school. Without a bit of free time to yourself it would be suffocating. I was lucky to have family support to go out in the evenings, which meant I eventually could meet someone, but it would have been much harder not to have that option. I used to leave him at home on his own when he was in his teens though, I think that's old enough depending on needs.

So you are a full time carer for you 10 year old, is that right?
I think this is why it is impossibly hard. You have no respite at all.
Are they unable to attend any sort of educational provision? I presume you are therefore also unable to work.
The people telling you it's great probably do not have the same responsibilities as you. Where are all your family? I understand they may live away so be of no practical support, but are you estranged? For no one to send you a card or even a text on your Birthday must really hurt.

I have been a lone parent for 10 years, youngest is now 16. It was very hard and still is in some ways. I am not lonely, but have felt very alone at times - the crushing pressure of all the responsibility is a lonely place. I was made redundant last month and things feel very precarious at the moment.

What is the long term plan for your child with additional needs?