To find it almost unbearable being around my mum in this situation?!

I think with things like this you need to give a handhold and go through the exploratory process together, make the appointment with her and go along together .

That's generally been my experience.

Either that or bang on about it to a parent for...10-15 years and eventually it sinks in.

Do you realise how rude this is towards Deaf people? Seriously? Do you tell people in wheelchairs that their disability is inconvenient to you too?

I can't tell you how much I hope my son doesn't have to deal with attitudes like this as he grows up.

As I understand it it’s jog yet entirely clear (causality / direction etc) but some thinking is that the hard of hearing person’s inability to engage with the world means they become isolated and it promotes dementia through that lack of engagement

What are the other 16?

My mum has substantial hearing loss (something like 90%) so is dependent on hearing aids. They don’t fix the whole problem, she isn’t “back to normal” while wearing them. They definitely amplify background noise and make it difficult for her to follow a conversation in a crowded restaurant for example. Unfortunately, people tend to think that hearing aids fix the problem, and don’t consider that the users still require adaptations. It’s better, sure, but it’s not a magic fix

Remind her that hearing loss can increase the risk of dementia.
I understand her fear. It would be life changing for her, my DM was the same before attending an appointment, the hearing aids are so discreet nowadays.
She was delighted to hear the birds singing again.

Has he had them checked by a professional as it may be that they need tweaking ? (I don’t know if he has an app but I am able to choose the volume level for each ear. I get a hissing noise in my left ear when I put the aid in so turn it down on that side which helps and also use when needed the Speech in Noise’ option which reduces background noise. I have tinnitus too so the volume control helps drown out that noise too.

My dad hates his hearing aids because they amplify background noise and it is really uncomfortable for him. But it does make having conversations with him really difficult.

Ohh I hear you OP, I had this with my dad and it was terribly frustrating, he completely denied he had a problem and refused to have a hearing test even though every conversation was just him saying “what???”, or just completely ignoring you when you’ve just spoke to him, the TV was deafening it was up so loud. I thought my mother was going to kill him and I wouldn’t have blamed her! It wasn’t until I told him that he wasn’t allowed to take my kids (4 and 2 years old who he absolutely adores and is so anxious about their safety) out on their bikes anymore because I was concerned that he wouldn’t hear cars etc that he finally got some hearing aids. Is there anything safety wise that you could use to convince her? Driving? Your children?

Every time she speaks to you stick your fingers in your ears and shout “What?”. When she asks, tell her you thought we were deliberately choosing not to hear each other.
Works with my Mum when she doesn’t put her hearing aids in.

My friend has just got them and honestly you cannot see them. He has his linked to all sorts of things. Even the car sat nav lady whispers quietly into his ear now which I think he quite likes 😂

It must be exhausting for you OP and very excluding generally for your mum.

I know of a hearing aid user who had to wear two and none of us noticed until he told us about them. Tell her she needs to sort it out as you are finding it hard work repeating yourself and listening to her speaking too loudly. You need to say it as it is. You won't do her any favours by allowing her to continue.

Research has proven the link that has been done comprehensively and on a large cohort.

When I had my hearing tested and was told that I should have heating aids, I came out of the shop with tears prickling my eyes. I thought I was a very sensible and rational person, but it turns out that nothing brings home that you're getting old, than being told that you need them.

But I knew that I wasn't hearing my lovely little grandchildren clearly, especially if they talked to me from the back of the car. So I put my big girl pants on, and ordered them.

I live alone, so I won't pretend that I wear them often. But if I'm going to be in a group or if I'm seeing my grandchildren, in they go. And they're really not noticeable.

I and my grandchildren call them my ear helpers, and they're just a fact of life that means I can hear their happy little chatter.

I’ve worn mine since I was 50, my brother in his 30s . You can’t see mine and they sit in my ear . I have the app too so it’s as good as it’s going to get.

Hearing loss Inherited from my mum who refuses to wear her aids despite me and my brother running her to and from the audiology department 🙄

When she was in hospital recently , the consultant thought she was confused. It was lucky I was there to tell him she can’t hear him and won’t wear her hearing aids. I dread to think what might have happened if they wrongly thought she had dementia when really she’s as sharp ever.

Despite all that she refuses and I’ve tried. So she’s choosing to miss out on meaningful social interaction with family and her grandchildren (who are incredibly patient but still ) . I just don’t get it really . It makes me mad and sad at the same time.

I agree that your DM should get her hearing tested and get hearing aids. But you do need to know that hearing aids can be problematic for some people, as a PP has said.

My DD1 (16) has worn hearing aids since she was 18 months old, and finds the background noise difficult to cope with and sometimes refuses to wear them. (She finds loud noises distressing anyway, because of being ND.)

My dad refused for about 18 months to consider hearing aids, but was complaining to his golf buddies that we were on at him and it turns out most of them had hearing aids and he hadn't even realised because they were the tiny ones. Game over at that point, he was off to Specsavers. He's got an app, they are bluetoothed to his phone and car - possibly the telly too. We saw him last week and he let us in and said "hang on, don't say anything until I get my hearing aids, they are charging" which was unbelievable.

If she won’t consider a hearing aid she might change her mind if she reads this as it’s linked to dementia
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/managing-the-risk-of-dementia/reduce-your-risk-of-dementia/hearing-loss

She hasn’t done enough research. One of my students has a hearing aid which is practically invisible and is Bluetooth so can be used as ear phones too. It connects to Spotify, bbc sounds etc.

Tell your mum that a hearing aid won't make her look older but what DOES make her look old

• having the TV dialled up to 11,
• people shouting at her and starting to patronise her because the poor old dear can't hear
• giving daft answers because she didn't hear the questions

Hearing aids are tiny these days - I wore one for six months without my colleagues noticing until I referenced it (but I do have fairly long hair, which I wear down).

My mother was the same. It drove me nuts! The final straw was constantly having to go round as she couldn’t hear me phoning. She got one ten years ago aged 78! Instantly worked-I can’t even see the hearing aid.

I'm in my mid 70s and have worn hearing aids for over 20 years.

Mine are tiny and unobtrusive. The app I use to control them is great. I especially like the restaurant setting which quitens the background sound and amplify the spoken word - my friends appreciate that setting too 😂. The music setting is brilliant too, music no longer sounds tinny, but more well rounded.

If your Mum really puts appearance before function, I'm not sure how you could persuade her otherwise.

people who have hearing loss can easily find themselves more and more isolated. There's only do many times you can ask someone to repeat themselves before you both give in and decide what's being said isn't really that important.

isolation in old age is dangerous, as others have said, the link to dementia is clear.

Hearing aids don't give you your hearing back, it's a very strange sensation. Its like the sound is fed back differently. I have hearing aids and don't wear them because it makes the hearing very tinny, and actually the little wire aggravated my ear canals until I got an infection. I would rather be deaf than wear them.

I work in care, in a dementia home, 65 people with dementia only 3 of them have hearing problems!