To find it almost unbearable being around my mum in this situation?!

I totally get it OP . My mum is 84 so a lot older . But refuses to wear her aids . Meaning that being with her is increasingly difficult and I feel sad we cannot chat any more . It’s so awful .

Yes, I think so, people aren’t conversing easily with you, cinemas are tricky, announcements at airports unintelligible.
I wear hearing aids, be firm with your DP, in my view, she’s being silly.

My nan has recently had a hearing aid fitted and she had for weeks before telling me because she wanted to see if I had noticed it, genuinely didn’t have a clue it is see through and tiny!

There really isn't an agreed protocol for fitting aids for a mild hearing loss because it can be very individual. Fitting a hearing aid with slim tubes and domes avoids much of the occlusion of the ear canal that traditional moulds cause.

However, for most people with a loss of 40dBA or above, hearing aids make hearing crisper and clearer as the wearer regains access to all of the unvoiced consonants that get lost as hearing declines.

I agree that they aren't a universal panacea and background noise can be a real issue. I usually advise use of a remote mic where possible.

My husband has Phonak hearing aids and we use a Roger On radio aid when we're in the pub or somewhere similar

One of my friends (late 40s) wears a hearing aid, she's been partially deaf in one ear since birth. You can barely see it, I forget she has it until she misses something I say and I have to repeat it while facing her (as her hearing still isn't perfect).

I cannot believe people who have hearing aids and don't wear them - utterly bonkers.

I've worn hearing aids for years and couldn't care less about the aesthetics - I just want to be able to hear people!

In any event they are pretty unobtrusive.

Just tell her - sorry we can't go out places with you till you sort out some hearing aids.

i cant stand repeating myself it stems from childhood, i dont mind if said person did not hear me.
But having to constantly be repeating the same thing triggers me big time i can feel the rage build with in on the 3rd time of saying the same thing.

Tbh ive been the same way since being a child cant stand having to repeat the same thing or hearing someone repeat the same thing over and over.

I 100% agree with how annoying it is and every older person in my life HAS a hearing aid and won’t wear it. I get so frustrated with MiL, who will sit at the table clearly not following the conversation and someone will ask her something and she’ll look completely blank and then realise everyone is staring at her and she’s been asked something.
At least I know with certainty I’ll wear one if I need one!

I suspect that many have undiagnosed hearing loss.

There is no automatic screening of older people for hearing and, as hearing declines gradually, it will often go unnoticed.

People with dementia become less responsive, their responses make less sense, they disengage from those around them... Very similar to the signs of hearing loss... I suspect that many of your clients have significant loss which hasn't been picked up.

I have expensive ones controlled by an app etc etc but they really aren’t a silver bullet I still find them uncomfortable after a couple of years I don’t think they need adjusting and I have several different settings but I still struggle in noisy environments. Also as a pp said in ear ones are not recommended for mild hearing loss as they shut out residual hearing. I persevere but I think all of you getting frustrated etc try walking in someone’s shoes before you get so critical

I have a hearing problem and resisted getting hearing aids. I can't believe how much easier life is now I have them.

I think being deaf makes you feel very isolated. When you're in a group of people you can't follow what's going on, so you either sit back and smile and nod, so miss out on the conversation, or you have to keep asking people to repeat themselves, which makes them annoyed. They never repeat exactly what they said anyway, so it becomes pointless. In the end you stop wanting to go out. I'm sure the same would be happening within her marriage, too.

I wish someone had spoken to me privately and explained how much of a problem it really was, instead of watching me struggle and then telling me afterwards that it was a pain trying to communicate with me.

It depends what type he has but I can adjust mine on the app to cancel out background noise. If I don’t adjust mine , when I’m out I can hear others conversations but not the conversation I’m actually part of.

How incredibly vain she is! That would make me
very angry indeed

she needs a good telling off (or maybe write it down 🤣)

The totally invisible ones aren't suitable for everyone though. They're no good for me, even though my hearing loss isn't too bad. They completely close the ear canal which means that no natural sounds waves get through. You're only hearing what the aid sends you. So your brain starts to forget how to interpret sounds coming through the air.

I saw two different specialists, and neither of them were fans of the invisible ones, for that reason.

“My parents are wealthy and she could also get this sorted privately very fast.”

OP, really encourage your DM to do just that. A friend of mine went to get hearing aids privately - they fit inside the ear and honestly, you wouldn’t know she was wearing them. She loves them because they connect to her phone so she can listen to music or podcasts as well as the phone itself - she would be the first to say it’s transformed her life. I know the difficulty of getting someone to an appointment - I’m currently struggling with DH - but if your mother has money, she can have a state of the art hearing aid that will be practically invisible.

Yes, I love this aspect, too. I travel by train fairly frequently and it is wonderful to be able to listen to the music l enjoy while reading and all without disturbing anyone else. In addition to this, I also have a disabled person's railcard, which allows me ⅓ off the full fare.

This. Plus eating can be very noisy as that is amplified too. Additionally hearing aids don’t fix all hearing problems.

That said, they do reduce dementia risk and apparently getting them before your hearing deteriorates too far is better as that part of your brain becomes less effective if not used for too long.

I agree hearing aids are really helpful and prefer my dad to wear his but some of the comments in this thread are ableist and pretty unpleasant.

NHS hearing aids are very good for most people, especially in the mild to moderate range of high frequency loss, which is the cause of 95% of hearing loss, especially as we get older. They are mostly made to help with speech as this is the biggest problem with high frequency loss. However, I have a very unusual type of hearing loss that affects all frequencies and quite a big loss, too. For me, the most important aspect was hearing music and my old NHS aids completely distorted how music should sound - they were nowhere near strong enough, either, but that's another story. This is the main reason why I went down the private route and I have never regretted the decision.

It’s so annoying! My mum won’t wear hers (they’re brand new but she says they’re uncomfortable) so she has the TV on at top volume in the evening. It’s so loud it’s woken my children asleep upstairs when we visit. Most infuriating is when we’re say in a group and I happen to tell a not very special anecdote or little story and she says ‘ speak louder, what did you say?’ So then I have to repeat this little tale or anecdote to the group again at louder volume when it was only even meant to be a passing snippet or little comment to whatever we were talking about!

I expected to pay for private ones to get a good quality of sound, but the lady at Specsavers convinced me to try the NHS ones first. I'm so glad I took her advice. They're excellent. Nothing sounds obviously different, it doesn't even sound louder, but it's clear! I can differentiate between the sounds where obviously I was struggling before. Background noise isn't amplified, the are no weird sounds and whistles. Just nice clear speech, and I can hear the oven timer beep again.

I am a similar age to your mum and have worn two hearing aids for years as I have had problems with my ears all my life. People of all ages wear hearing aids in the same way that they wear glasses if they need them so l really don't understand why they are associated with ageing in the manner that they are. Your mother is obviously very appearance conscious and attractive and l would imagine that she would have no problem with replacing missing teeth if there were a need to do so. Having had NHS aids before, I now have a pair of eye-wateringly expensive hearing aids bought from a small hearing aid company. The difference is night and day. As a professional musician, I needed the best aids possible, especially with a good music programme on them, which these have. My only complaint is that I am unable to wear them at the moment because I have yet another ear infection, which affects both ears. As I have quite a large hearing loss across all frequencies, it is very frustrating for me and everyone else. And, yes, I am not afraid to describe myself as deaf because I am.

I had no idea how infuriating this could be until my dad started going deaf. He actually resisted hearing aids for so long that they can’t do anything now so we just… can’t speak to him. It’s heartbreaking as we live overseas and he can’t communicate with my kids. So please please push hard on this now before you miss the window.

There seems to be a big difference between some NHS provided hearing aids and some private ones. The newer ones are easy to modify using an app depending on what you are doing, but older type aids just amplify all noises. My father was a reluctant hearing aid wearer as he only really needed them when in busy noisy environments.

You do need to wear them all the time for your brain to adjust to them. There are solutions to many of the previous posters’ problems - make sure your audiologist is aware of how they aren’t working for you and they may be able to improve it for you.

My relative has mild dementia and the main thing they have lost is words, simply struggles to find the right words in any conversation. Lots of ‘you know’ and ‘what ya ma call it’. I definitely blame it on years of not joining in with conversation due to refusal to wear the very expensive hearing aids they had.