To find it almost unbearable being around my mum in this situation?!

Interesting but a tiny sample size that doesn’t account for all the controlled variables of a study - and there’s a considerable body of evidence now that shows the opposite. The Lancet Commission found untreated hearing loss is the biggest modifiable dementia risk factor - 8% of cases globally.

I would just explain to her how exhausting it is having to speak loudly and keep repeating yourself. Tell her it takes the enjoyment out of whatever you are doing and hope that she understands. If she can't sympathise then it's very selfish on her part and I would just cut down on the time I spend with her. You could get some leaflets or print some info off the Internet of companies that do tiny hearing aids to show her how discreet they actually are. Like I said though, if she still won't do anything about it then I'm afraid I would have to reduce time spent with her. I couldn't face spending my time shouting in conversation and constantly repeating myself. It would drive me insane.

Sadly age catches up to all of us, i have diabetes, the doctors want me to take medication i also have kidney disease. My family on both sides had these issues. But i remain focused on the best goals. Everything can be better for us, but we must work on it. The only thing you can do is stress the need for her to get help.

I had an elderly female relative years ago, who used gradual hearing loss to control people.

She refused to get a hearing aid, would not have hearing tests. Loads of excuses. But it was because she got off on annoying people who had to shout, so that she could hear them.

She also used to routinely pretend and ignore and walk away from people who were trying to speak to her. And shrug her shoulders.

My mother tried to rumble her but she just carried on.

I have also heard that it can speed up the onset of things like dementia as you are loosing one of your senses

mu fil is the same says he doesnt like then-so sits here and pretends hes watching a film weve put on but then starts hummying and figdeting because he cant actually hear any of it

its really irritating

It might just be ear wax.

Having anything in your ears all day stops the wax draining as easily as it usually does. People who wear hearing aids often have more difficulty with wax.

Might be worth making a Saturday appt somewhere who does wax removal so that they can have a look.

Forgetting the impact on others, she’s doing herself a massive disservice. If her auditory nerve is not being stimulated her brain will slow down and she will lose her ability to interpret speech at the speed she used to. She needs a hearing aid asap.

If the audiologist says she would benefit from a hearing aid, then it isn't fine.

Age-related hearing loss proceeds gradually. Usually it's the high frequency sounds that go first - probably because the hair cells that detect those sounds lie at the entrance of the cochlea and so are more vulnerable; we're not certain of the actual mechanism in many cases.

Losing high frequency sounds first means that you lose unvoiced consonants: f, th, s, t. You speak English well: you don't really notice they're gone. The brain fills in the gaps using lipreading and context.

Then you lose a bit more. It's hard to hear k, p, sh. Loss of those high frequency sounds makes it appear that everyone else is mumbling but you can still "hear" because the vowels, the nasals (m, n, ng) and the other consonants are still reaching you. The brain works harder to fill in more gaps.

The -a- -a- on the ma-
The cat spat on the mac?
Of course not. Your brain has filled in those gaps using your previous experience.

But as you lose more and more of that hearing, the brain has to fill in more and more of those gaps. Listening requires more effort and there's less cognitive capacity available to actually process what you're hearing.

So maybe you heard it fine, but you forget it more quickly. You think you understood but it turns out that you missed a key part of the conversation. Nod and smile; you'll probably work it out later...

But with hearing aids in, your brain hears all the sounds and frees up the capacity to learn and to remember. And your brain gets used to processing the different quality of sound you get through hearing aids before the amplification level rises so it's not a huge shock.

We cope incredibly well with lots of missing sounds but it doesn't mean that our hearing hasn't declined.

Can you explain that she won't be able to have a proper conversation with your toddler and they won't understand that she can't hear? Would she not at least LOOK INTO getting a hearing aid for their sake?

This,exactly, people don't get it until it happens to you!

My mum is much older, but after persuading her to see the GP about hearing aids, she had wax removed via micro suction and her hearing was so much better (to her) she decided she didn't need them. Except she bloody does. It is so stressful having to repeat yourself and shouting to be heard. I'm going to have to tell her straight.

Much as I appreciate mine when I need them, I can't wear them for long periods. They irritate my ear canal to the point that I have to take them out after half an hour..

You are not being unreasonable at all. I have the same issue with my SIL. It’s obvious that she has hearing loss. So whatever conversation I have with her, she just smiles and nods and I am very careful to look at her when I speak and try to doeskin clearly.
My brother gets so frustrated that he ends up shouting in the hope she can hear so it ends up being so stressful for everyone.
My SIL does wear hearing aids but days they don’t work.

@Violinist64 I completely agree. I think it's more like having an artificial limb, it makes a huge difference to what you can do but at the end of the day it's not the same and there will always be some things you just can't do.

Oh, and I meant to add that until I had my first pair of hearing aids l didn't realise that leaves that had dropped on the ground made a noise when being walked on. I have rarely heard cats purring and I am told that snow makes a crunching sound when you walk on it. It has always been silent for me so I am looking forward to seeing if I can hear it now l have these new; powerful aids.

Several of you have mentioned shouting àt a deaf person. Please don't. It is not necessarily the volume that is the problem but the clarity. You need to face the person and speak more slowly and clearly.
Although I was critical of people who need hearing aids and either not getting them at all or not wearing them (DH, I'm looking at you), please, please try and be more understanding of deafness. It really is a hidden disability and very much misunderstood. Hearing aids are amazing and make a huge difference but, unlike glasses, they cannot replace the hearing that has been lost, only enhance what is left. In this respect l think the prosthetic that works most like them is false teeth. Both can work really well but are a poor substitute for the real thing.

Is your mum also my mum? This is exactly like her. I once said that I couldn’t trust her alone with DD in case DD was shouting for help and she couldn’t hear. That made her think about it more but she still rarely wears her hearing aid for the reasons you’ve also said!

This is nonsense. After my NHS aids were fitted and I was told to 'just get used to it' I really came to understand how sound can be used as a method of torture. Admittedly I have an unusual hearing loss, but the NHS audiologists didn't take that into account, and just set them so that most sounds were ok. This meant that some frequencies were so loud as to be intolerable.

When I went to a private audiologist I got as many appointments as necessary to tweak and adjust the aids to my specific loss, and crucially, advice and help to get used to them. In my experience success with hearing aids is dependent on your willingness and ability to work as a team with your audiologist. This depends not only on their skill and experience but also on the time that they can give you. By all means try NHS aids first, you may get lucky, but if you don't then paying to go privately can be the best financial decision you ever make.

I completely understand where you're coming from. My mother has hearing aids but won't wear them because she already has a stick and doesn't want to look decrepit!
Its impossible to have a conversation because she can't hear, and she excludes herself.

I fully understand how you feel OP. My sister and I tried over and over to persuade our dad to get hearing aids for years. Wouldn't do it despite him missing out on conversation. We told him about the dementia link to no avail. My sister got appointments for both him and mum. Showing they both needed aids. But he still wouldn't get them. I don't know wot was said to my sister but she refused to have anything more to do with it. Then about 6 months ago he got them! Mind u he sometimes only wears 1 and keeps them too low to be of much use. Mum won't get them and was upset wen on holiday I repeated a sentence slowly. Gah! Can't win. So frustrating

My mum was very similar. Last holiday we went on she realised ( after years of persuasion) that she was missing out because she was missing key parts of conversations. Now she has 2 discreet aids ( private) She thought it was hilarious to not tell us about having them fitted. I was amazed when she told us as they are absolutely invisible and nobody noticed!
I could never understand the shame of needing one. To me it’s just the same as needing glasses!

What hearing aids do you have? If you don't mind me asking. They sound great! My Mum has tried a few and just can't get on with them, but would love to follow conversations again.

I don't understand why it always seems to be OK to have a go at deaf people, like we're stupid, selfish and lazy.
I will struggle with conversation as much when I'm wearing my hearing aid as I will without.
I don't give a shit what they look like, but I don't wear mine much because it really isn't the answer for me.
When people get annoyed with me it just makes me see them in a different light.
I'm sick of the judgement I get as a hearing impaired person.

I could have written this. I know I avoid socialising because I find it so hard to hear. Fortunately I am only deaf in one ear.
my audiologist said hearing aids don’t fix the problem like wearing glasses does. I wish everyone understood this.