To find it almost unbearable being around my mum in this situation?!

My dad is a very reluctant user, he’s reluctant to use anything he thinks is for ‘old’ people. DM regularly tells him ‘we ARE old’!! I’m overseas and FaceTime regularly, the conversation always ends up:
DF - I don’t know what you’re saying
DM - explains in brief
DF - I can’t hear you
Me - Maybe put your hearing aids in dad
DF - I don’t need them I can hear fine 🤦🏻‍♀️

I used to find that having to shout made me feel aggressive, like a reverse association. It was difficult. It was like my brain was being tricked into feeling angry, because my body was shouting :(

This link, and following the additional links on the page to the most recent 1000 participant study, suggests that atm it is unclear why there is a link and there are three unproved theories under consideration (and these theories contradict one another somewhat). The study of 250 people with other dementia risk factors in combination with 750 healthy volunteers between the ages of 70-84 found that hearing aids made a very considerable difference to reducing cognitive decline in the group with other risk factors, but no statistically significant differences to the bigger group without risk factors.

This would seem to support the social isolation leading to lack of mental stimulation theory, rather than the theory that the brains of people compensating for hearing loss are overloaded. The other theory is that auditive processing centers atrophy - it'd be interesting to know if there are any studies using MRI scans to investigate whether this is a probable link to dementia.

My MIL is the same. What what what WHAT WAS THAT. And then when you need to say something quietly SPEAK UP oh I’m GOING DEAF aren’t I kids hahahah I SAID I THINK I’M GOING DEAF!!! Everyone is now like yeah, think so.

It’s hard work. Got to the point we can’t effectively communicate on the phone cos she just talks over everyone at top volume. She doesn’t want hearing aids cos they ‘make her look old.’ DH said so does shouting all the time but she just rolled on past it. She’s nearly eighty. Her mother was deaf and wore hearing aids. Dunno what that’s about but you have my sympathy OP.

I am 75 and have worn hearing aids since my early 60s, I can't understand why people object to wearing them, I have a short hair style and still people don't notice them, and are always surprised when I mention them. I miss such a lot when I don't wear them, birds singing, etc. At first the sounds seemed 'tinny' but I realised I had been missing the higher range of sound. And struggling to hear conversations is exhausting without them!

Omg my DM the same. Gets frustrated when I get frustrated. Went away with her recently, my DH & kids. She can't hear, he wont listen so the whole time I was running after both. So stressful and doesnt need to be!!

BTW does anyone know whether there's proof of causation rather than correlation in the dementia link research? I will try to dig out the original research myself, but perhaps someone already knows?

Thank you both - @SpanThatWorld and @LizzieW1969 - I went to the GP today as I can't bring my November ENT appointment forward, and the GP says the ear canal is red and swollen, so I have eardrops and shouldn't wear the aid in that ear for a week (until I finish with the drops).
I asked about compacted wax but he said it's swelling reducing the diameter of the ear canal.

I wonder whether some people are more prone to this, or whether it is a one off, but as it's an infection I'm certainly glad I checked - I've been trying to live with it, hoping it would go away if I took regular breaks from the hearing aid to give my ear time when it isn't obstructed by the dome and wire.

I'm wondering whether I should have a different type of hearing aid, but I think the in ear dome type are seen as best for high frequency hearing loss, which I have quite early.

I live and work in a language I only learnt as a mature adult, which makes compensation for lost speech spunds additionally challenging. I know the dementia link but it seems unfair as I'm sure my brain works harder to compensate - lip reading in a language you learnt from scratch in your 30s is surely as mentally stimulating as sudoku!

They can certainly give you your life back but I don't see how they can give you your hearing back. At the very least your own voice will sound different. You can hear (some) things again, but not in quite the same way.

It may seem like a petty distinction to make but I think it's important not to have unrealistic expectations.

They have certainly given me my hearing back and mine aren't tinny at all. I plug mine into a charger at night, so they don't need batteries and I have an app to control them. They feed in to my phone and have made a huge difference to my day to day life.

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/managing-the-risk-of-dementia/reduce-your-risk-of-dementia/hearing-loss

Thank you so much!

Mil has hearing aids , they can't be seen and make a huge impact on her life . My uncle has had hearing aids after an accident caused him to lose hearing in one ear and his other ear started to decline . The shouting at each other to try to have a conversation without them is so frustrating for both sides especially outside the house.

There’s loads of good options now. Even sunglasses which boost hearing

My mother has significant hearing loss. She got hearing aids about 6 years ago but would rarely wear them. The audiologist warned her that if she didnt wear the hearing aids she would continue to lose her hearing and wouldnt get it back.

She didnt heed his warning and rarely wore them during the first 2 years she had them. She lost more of her hearing and despite wearing her hearing aids all the time now, she still struggles to hear.

She has spent about E10,000 on hearing aids but finds no matter what ones or what tweaking they do, she cant control the background noise. She can hear myself and my sister as we speak clearly to her but if anyone mumbles a bit or turns away from her when speaking of if they have an accent, she cant understand them, she has lost the ability to understand certain sounds.

She can hear quite well on the phone as they connect to it, but if I call her and she is in a busy environment, I cant hear her, only all the background noise!

Your mum should definitely get them as she will continue to lose her hearing and she may not regain it. My mum is very vain and was also worried about people seeing the hearing aid, they are not noticeable at all.

And yet there is scientific evidence that hearing loss is one of the most important risk factors for dementia:
Hearing Loss and the Dementia Connection | Johns Hopkins | Bloomberg School of Public Health

OP my DH was very resistant to even having his hearing checked - he thought I was being unreasonable until friends started pointing out that he had a problem. Then he wouldn't wear his aids until I showed him the data linking hearing loss to dementia. I hope your mum can be persuaded to get some help.

eta in response to @BrendaSmall

So no normal conversation, no crowded restaurants, no cinema, no theatre? I have hearing loss which has a major impact on all those activities. I wear my hearing aids all the time to counteract the loss.

That has fuck all to do with the fact that there is a massive of empirical evidence connecting hearing loss and dementia.

If she can afford to go privately, my neighbour recently paid £3000 for his, from Specsavers, the new digital hearing aids are pretty invisible. They’re nothing like the old NHS ones.

They are made by Ampilfon. They have shops in a lot of towns. These days NHS, at least in my area, offer only the full example type. The ones from Amplifon are the ones that go into the ear csnal.

a massive advantage, f or me, is that the aids are linked to my phone through Bluetooth, so calls go to my aids, rather than the speaker on the phone.

It can be a bit of a tricky one as her confidence will be very low from not hearing, which can then make it all feel too overwhelming to get it fixed. The nhs now fit aids through specsavers, you could ask in your local branch how to proceed. I have worn them all my life and have helped others go down this route. For me it’s the difference between no social life or living your best life. I have Widex aids which are known for being natural and music sounds great. You can search for local approved fitters through their website. It may be best to arrange an appointment and go with her rather than wait for her to feel ready to go ahead which may not come due to decreasing confidence.

My mum was the same, she looks youthful and she had an idea of how it would look and that it would be aging. She hadn’t realised my MIL was wearing a hearing aid at my wedding, it was so discreet. I explained my MIL’s positive experience, showed her she could have a free appointment at Boots on x date, said it would be about £x and she changed her mind after that.

Is there someone you can use as a model to show how discreet it is?

To add, both my DM and MIL have hearing difficulties and wear hearing aids. I agree that it’s exhausting having to repeat yourself, and it is annoying when they don’t wear their hearing aids. (Although often that’s when they’re having problems with them.)

I echo what a PP said, that it isn’t about loudness, though. My DM, who is very articulate, regularly reminds me that it’s necessary to look at her and speak slowly and clearly. People with hearing difficulties learn to lip read.

It’s been a steep learning curve for me, as I’ve always had a tendency to speak too fast and not clearly enough.

Especially if she can afford to go private, today’s hearing anids are absolutely fantastic and virtually invisible, if she has any hair at all round her ears. Several of my choir mates and friends have them, but I didn’t even notice for ages. Your Mum is being foolish - it’s common at her age, (I am 75 and felt the same about using a stick and admitting to arthritis pain and mobility limitations). You or someone else will need to sit her down and tell her that she is drawing much more attention to her deafness by needing to shout and having everyone shout at her etc. than by wearing an aid! And that she is a bit selfish by not considering others feelings, that you and your child will not enjoy coming round etc. She is setting a bad example to the child about problem solving and taking responsibility for one’s own health etc. . Ageing well is about using available aids to independence intelligently NOT struggling stubbornly without them. Does she have a friend you could recruit to help with this ‘talk’?

This is very true. My DD1 regularly has a buildup of wax in her ears and we have to make an appointment for her to have it removed. And the appointment doesn’t come quickly either!