To think of your child is 5+ and still can’t behave in public, you’re the problem?

But this thread doesn't apply to you, if you've read the OPs post. She has explicitly said this thread is NOT about any children with SEN.

How do you feel about the straightforward pain in the arse of wheel chairs getting in your way?

Or the straightforward pain in the arse of developmentally delayed people making disconcerting noises in public?

Or the straightforward pain in the arse old man in front of you, blocking you in with his pained shuffling, preventing you from getting to the till?

Pity the world doesn't pin a label to everyone's back so you know what's wrong with them and can switch on your 'Compassion' mode.

I think it’s possible to reflect on what we see in society without it being about personal judgement or superiority. This isn’t about shaming individual families, it’s about recognising that what we model for children does matter and sometimes what we see raises questions about what’s being normalised.

The point isn’t to police other parents, it’s to open up space for honest conversations about what children need, especially when it comes to boundaries and emotional safety. We talk about all kinds of societal behaviours on here, I don’t think parenting should be off-limits, especially when we’re thoughtful about how we discuss it.

Your own long-term professional involvement with special needs children has nothing to do with the straightforward pain in the arse kid slinging M n Ms around the Tesco.

OP has said explicitly that this has nothing to do with neurodivergent kids.

OP isn't asking to give advice but to ask for opinions.

Ooh lovely. The behaviour management expert has arrived to tell us all how to do it!

I’ve got 15 years experience of working in and around children with behaviour that challenges, a degree and masters in Education, and top up qualifications in SENd. I specialised in social, emotional and mental health needs and worked for a long time with children in the care system or who had been excluded from school.

I’m de-escalation, restraint and behavioural communication trained.

I’ve also got an autistic 9 year old who sometimes presents us with behaviour that leaves me stumped, because children (people) and behaviour is complex and one size does not fit all.

But please do share your advice. All ears.

It seems you feel the need to judge, but that's not a great approach.

A lot of people are a bit non-perfect, life's tough, parenting is hard and it can be tricky to get it right. And I guess some people don't want the battle, for a whole host of reasons that range from valid to invalid.

I congratulate you on being a top-tier parent, but not everyone can get life as right as you.

Rather than judging, just give yourself a pat on the back.

So you are only talking about families where you know them well enough to know whether there is likely additional needs and what kinds of parenting goes on at home?

Have you ever seen a child with ADHD unmedicated AND medicated? Medication doesn't always help, but when it does it is like night and day.

Maybe judge others less.

I'm in my 40s and sometimes I behave badly outside of the house. I don't consider myself to have a problem, merely to be a human with pretty average emotions. Same for children.

You're being unreasonable for the simple facts that a) learning to exist in, navigate and behave in public is an ongoing learning process for children and b) bad days exist, for both parents and children.

You and the endless societal judgement is more of a problem frankly.

Another boring thread to slag off neurodiverse children on the sly?

Oh goody, a thread to criticise hypothetical people whose lives you know nothing about, based on a snapshot of behaviour, so you can feel smug and validated about your superior parenting and well behaved children. Have a ⭐️

Oh goody, a thread to criticise hypothetical people whose lives you know nothing about, based on a snapshot of behaviour, so you can feel smug and validated about your superior parenting and well behaved children. Have a ⭐️

Things like screaming for attention, running around in restaurants, hitting siblings in the supermarket while the parents just shrug. Not taking about toddlers or kids with additional needs, just when there’s clearly no structure or follow-through at home.

But this thread doesn't apply to you, if you've read the OPs post. She has explicitly said this thread is NOT about any children with SEN.

There's this odd idea that children are born with an "SEN" or "not SEN" label on their heads.

In reality, many parents won't know that their kids have SEN until they're well past the small children tantruming in public phase. They'll have an inkling that something isn't right and they'll blame their child or their parenting and family life will get tougher and tougher. But especially if their needs aren't acute, often children aren't diagnosed until much later, including secondary school level, or they slip through the net altogether.

I am not saying poor parenting doesn't exist or anything absurd like that, although people should remember that parents hopefully know their children best and may be parenting in the way that they know their child is most likely to respond to, even if it appears odd to outsiders.

But it's worth remembering that what parents and children really need is support and there is less and less of it around. There are many pressures on family life nowadays, many children are growing up in very stressful circumstances, it's a tricky world for them to navigate and an unacceptably large number are experiencing poverty and deprivation. What we're often seeing is children who, for whatever reason, can't cope with the demands being put on them rather than are just being naughty for the fun of it.

No, I’m talking about repeated public behaviour paired with visible parental inaction. Not one-off incidents and not hidden diagnoses.

Obviously, no stranger can know everything about a family but I do think it’s fair to observe when there seems to be no attempt to guide or intervene. That’s not the same as judging someone for struggling or dealing with a tough moment.