To be upset about my mum's holiday

Absolutely this. I have a summer birthday and my mum and dad have spent most of my adult life on holiday for my birthday. If they chose to go on holiday for any of my kids birthday, my only concern is that they have a good time.

You say your mum already helps with childcare so you're incredibly selfish to think you can also dictate when she can take a holiday.

It would never cross my mind to book my holidays around the birthdays of my DGC. I see them all the time and would ensure their parent(s) had my gift before I went.
I have also taken to going away on my own birthdays, despite the fact the DGC usually like to visit me on my birthday.
YABVU

Is this a reverse, OP?

Because that’s the only way it makes sense. Surely no one is actually this selfish as to genuinely believe that their parent - who has done their stint of child-rearing and is now presumably enjoying a well-earned retirement - should forgo a holiday for the sake of being around for the grandchildren’s birthdays. Unless these birthdays are 18th or 21st? Otherwise, you’re being utterly ridiculous.

She’s your sister’s mum too. YABU

I wonder how people like this OP get on with people generally, whether they have any friends for example. Because you really have to be quite … mean to begrudge your mother a holiday in the scenario outline

I think your mum can book a holiday when it suits her. She might want a particular type of acommodation/place that narrows down her options.

She doesn't love her grandchildren less because she's not there on the actual birthday. Or see their birthdays as pointless. I think that's a huge emotional step to take in response to her going on holiday.

Are you a little jealous shes going away with your sibling and family and without you and your children? Or worried youll miss her support?

Can't you do a big party for family when they return from hols to celebrate?

OK, it’s a bit of a jolt when a tradition or birthday habit gets changed, but things change anyway as the children get older.

You cannot expect 3 people to plan holidays around your kids birthdays.

I am sure your Mum will find a way to show your children that she loves and celebrates them.

Do not guilt trip your Mum, display any passive aggressive response or show any disapproval.

Please don't say anything to your DM about it. Your DC will be able to celebrate with her again when she gets home.

Sounds like she didn’t give you a heads up because she knew you’d be upset. Do you have certain expectations of her around the children’s birthdays - is she expected to help with parties/outings? Maybe she just needs a break from the childcare.

This can’t be real - it’s absolutely ridiculous entitled and petty.

There’s lots of reasons to go on a certain date on holiday, maybe it’s seasonal with where they’re travelling, maybe they have projects at work that mean they’re going in a less busy period to take leave, maybe it was a good deal for certain dates, maybe they’re wanting to do something there that’s date specific like a show or event. Just because she’s retired doesn’t mean she should just be always available for childcare and your immediate family plans, she also has another daughter to consider and fit in with.

As a parent of several adult children I try hard not to prioritise one over others just because they have their own children. Also children’s parties are great for the children and absolutely shit for the adults!

I don't think you're being ridiculous to be upset. It does seem a little thornless of her to go away over both of your children's birthdays of she would usually be a part of the celebrations.

I think if that's all there is to it then maybe feel a little disappointed and move on, she can probably see them before and after the holiday for their birthdays.

I do get a feeling there may be a little more it. If there is a history of your mother favouring your sister or being quite thornless in regards to you and your children then I can see it being more hurtful as it's linked to deeper feelings.

Yes, YABVU.
Ridiculous in fact.

Yes you are being unreasonable. I love my 3 grand-children, but I wouldn't plan my holidays around their birthdays. There are 3 of them, they happen every year. I see you also have 3 children, so presumably (for at least 2 of them) it's not a first birthday or anything significant.

I might plan around significant ones when they are older (if I'm still here!) but I guess that when they are older they might not even want their 70+ grandma there.

YABU, she doesn’t have to be around every year for all birthdays. Why don’t you just arrange a day out or something after her holiday and celebrate both birthdays.

What's really going on here OP? Is it that you are upset that she's going on holiday with your sister? That you weren't invited?

Because otherwise YABVU.

Yes, you are being very unreasonable! Your mum is entitled to go on holiday when she wants to! Your children and mum will have plenty more birthdays that you can celebrate together… don’t be selfish and mean when your mum provides you with childcare.

I can't see my grandchild on their birthday today so we are celebrating again at my house next weekend .
Everyone is happy with that arrangement.

And this ☝️

YABVU and TOTALLY entitled.

You’re being wildly unreasonably. HTH.

You are being ridiculous. If your children’s birthdays are that big a deal in the yearly calendar then celebrate with them on the day and organise the parties for them either side of the holiday so your mother can attend. Otherwise keep your mouth shut as you sound like a kid yourself.

Oh, for goodness sake. You can’t possibly be serious?

YABVVU.

Yep ☝️