To be upset about my mum's holiday

Time to go no contact, OP…
@Applebyapples

Sorry, OP, you are wildly overreacting. A child's birthday party is in no way comparable to going on holiday.

She can leav the presents with you or given them to the children upon her return. Seeing a child on his or her birthday is no big deal.

Being retired is busy work you know , and flexible work patterns do still have restrictions and it does just sometimes happen that things don’t happen perfectly but I would not miss a holiday for birthdays

Oh no, what will you do about childcare?

Seriously????

I am missing my granddaughter birthday to go to Australia to see my son . My daughter is absolutely fine about it and her only regret is that she cannot come along as well.
Granddaughter will have more birthday celebrations when Grandma gets home,so win win for Granddaughter.

Perhaps it was notable cheaper or more convenience with the workload that your sister has. Regardless, it’s booked and your mum isn’t unreasonable to want to go away on holiday. I don’t see why you can’t do a joint family party for your children either before or after the holiday.

Interesting that your emotions are all regarding your mum being away. Why don’t you want your sister to celebrate your children’s birthdays?

Why does your kids birthday trump your mums holiday?

Unless it is one of their 18ths and you've big plans for it then I think you're being unreasonable.

You’re allowed to be a bit disappointed but that’s where it ends. You are not allowed to be upset at her or with her or make her feel guilty and like a bad person.

The handful of birthdays I can remember as a child certainly do not have either of my grandmothers in the centre of them.

A lot of mothers live in an illusion or rather a picture created on how you wish things to look. Reality is not like that and you should be a good daughter and be happy that your mother is taking a holiday! How wonderful for her.

Hopefully (unlikely) the Op has taken on board the thread and will wish her mother a wonderful holiday.

It might also be worth doing a bit of self reflecting op

OP, these are your children. You are upset on their behalf but you don't need to be because YOU will be there for their birthdays. These are not your mum's children, much as she might love them. She's going away on holiday with one of her actual children (your DS).

I mean, I love my GC, but they aren't my children or my responsibility so if I have the chance of a holiday I'm going to take it and not think twice about GC birthdays. They'll get a card and present from me on the day and I'll see them when I get back. Because I'm just their grandmother.

Nobody's birthday is that important to avoid planning actual holidays around. Your mum probably didn't even think about it when she booked it, and it's unreasonable to have expected her to. My parents usually go on holiday over my birthday, because it works for them and they like a winter break. I would never expect them to work it around a birthday!
I know parents who have planned holidays around their younger kids birthdays so they can celebrate at home with their friends / have a party on the day. But to expect anyone other than a parent to even consider this is not usual.
I can see why you feel sad about her not being around if she's usually very involved, but you're still unreasonable to expect her to plan her holidays around it.

I'm sorry but these are incredibly unreasonable demands on a Grandparent.

They are your children. It would be arguably unreasonable for you or DH to be away for the kids' birthdays, unless utterly unavoidable or an emergency, but nobody else needs to prioritise your kid's birthdays over a holiday.

If they were both turning 18 and you had a big family party arranged for months then sure, but just normal birthdays?

Absolutely not.

Unfortunately I have to say that you are being unreasonable. Your mum has done her stint raising children. You sound like you’re still stuck in the mindset of the parent / child roles you grew up with. You’re both adults now, it’s not your mums job to prioritise your wishes over hers any more.

Can you explain why you feel upset?

It does sound like jealousy rather than being upset for your children.

I can't help but feel a bit upset that being at their birthdays isn't important to her and that she'd rather be on holiday with my sister instead, but am I being unreasonable?

Yep, YABU. Why wouldn't she rather be on holiday - any kind of holiday - than at a (presumably young) child's birthday? Add in the fact that she'll be on holiday with one of her own (grown up) children, and it's even more appealing. I love my DC but when they were little, their birthdays weren't a big thrill for me or other adults. They mostly involve other little kids and party stuff which can be quite the endurance test. Sounds like she's around for them plenty so don't be making such a big deal of her having to attend on these particular days, esp as you have three and that's lots of birthdays over their lifetimes. As long as you're there for your DC, let her go and have fun with your sister and don't be getting competitive over who has dibs on her and what this means for how much your DC mean to her.

My MIL and FIL booked a holiday covering my child's actual BIRTH, which we were a bit off about - esp as it ended up being emergency C section..

But birthdays - yeah, couldn't get bothered about that

Very very unreasonable.

Sounds like you've had it all your own way for too long.

OP!! Just no.

head, wobble, required.

You're feeling insecure because you're seeing this as your mum preferring your sister over your DC (you). When in fact we can feel equally about our DC but sometimes be faced with a conflict for our time and have to make a choice. You must understand this as a mum of two yourself. On this occasion your mum has chosen the only opportunity she has to holiday with her one child (you have to trust her it was the only option as she can't control everyone's AL) over being there for one birthday out of many of her other Childs DC. You might think it was the wrong choice, but equally had she refused the holiday your sister may have felt the same. Having a sibling means you have to share your mum, and sonetimes you geg more, sometimes less.
Accept this with good grace and let her celebrate with DC when she gets back. Dwelling on it will only upset you.

You don't say how old the kids are, but things change as they get older. It's not always convenient to see grandparents on the day anyway. My mum sends a present and a card and phones my DC on the day, that's it.

OP your self entitlement is jumping off the page.
Apparently, as your DM is retired that means she doesn't/can't have any plans of her own.
Unless it benefits you, as she seems to be picking up the bulk of your childcare for free.
Maybe she's fed up of being an unpaid child carer, at your beck and call, as, in your words, she's retired so she doesn't have any plans.
Maybe she wants to to spend quality time with your sister.
Maybe she didn't tell you because she knew how you'd react.

You are most definitely being unreasonable.

Your mum helps with childcare and seems to be a lovely Nanna to your DC's but why on earth should she forgo a holiday, and the chance to do something nice for herself, just because your DC will have Birthdays when she is away?

Her life doesn't revolve around you and your children. She has her own life and should be able to go on holiday when she pleases.