To be upset about my mum's holiday

Why are we speaking about the mother needing her daughters "blessing" to go on holiday as if she somehow needs permission to do so?

My mum and my wonderful in-laws help us with childcare, but when they want to go on holiday, they tell us the dates they've booked and we take the time off work to cover accordingly. They certainly as retired, grown adults are not needing their children's permission or blessing to do so!

I wouldn't think twice about this.

Then, my mum barely acknowledges my kids exist so I just let her get on with it

You're getting a hard time OP, but I can sympathise. My parents always seem to "accidentally" plan something which means they can't come to my kids' birthdays (we just do tea with family), but expect everyone to show up with a big song and dance for their birthdays. I was a bit put out at first, but have decided now that it's not worth being upset over - it's turned into a bit of a running joke.

With kindness - this is pretty shocking. She’s given you all so much. She deserves a break with your blessing. You’re very lucky having all that support and attention from her. Her life should not revolve around you and your kids constantly. Give the wonderful woman a break.x

She is allowed a life too as is your sister. Why not have a family celebration when they come back? She may bring them something lovely back from her holidays if you let her go with your blessing and welcome her back with a smile instead of a sour accusatory face!

No

You're being silly . Mum can go on holiday whenever she wants. It's only birthdays, I'm sure they will still get presents !

Can people on Mumsnet just state why they think OPs are being reasonable or unreasonable without insulting them and also without presuming they know everything about them? You have NO idea what her relationship with her sister is like!

They're your kids, not your mother's.

Get over it.

A ‘child’ is not entitled to their parent’s time 24/7 when they become an adult. This is your mother’s life and she is entitled (a year in advance) to go on holiday. I actually dread the thought of being expected to be “present”, “on call” and “more childcare” from adult children. You clearly get on as she looks after your children - why on earth do you think you get any involvement in her just enjoying herself? Chill. Let her have her holiday and celebrate your children’s birthdays by yourself.

but you know it's your Mum and she's picked your sisters family over yours.
I wouldn't do it and neither would my Mum.

But going by that logic, up to this point, @Applebyapples 's mother has chosen @Applebyapples over her other daughter.

The OP's sister is still her mother's daughter. Don't you see how unreasonable you're being?

She can come back and give them late presents. No big deal.

That’s actually nice for the DC’s in a way because it gives them more to look forward to after their celebrations are over. You can have a little tea party with nan and aunty.

Probably going against the grain here but yes I think I would be a little put out too. Many posters have given very good and valid reasons why you shouldn't upset and many have told you to stop being so entitled, but you know it's your Mum and she's picked your sisters family over yours.
I wouldn't do it and neither would my Mum.

Edited to add

The kids probably won't care so just one to put behind you.

Unless it's a significant birthday with a huge party planned then yep completely unreasonable!

Your mum is allowed to have a holiday when she likes and frankly she's saving you a childcare bill of several thousand a year! Tell her to enjoy herself!

I am going to Oz and missing Granddaughter birthday to see my son . Mid November to mid December so I am back for Christmas prep and hopefully catching some good weather in Australia. I am very much a hands on Grandma and my daughter is absolutely fine about it …she understands that I am a Mum not just to her ,but her siblings as well . Hopefully your family will wave you off quite happily.

We were often away ourselves on DS's birthday. It never entered my head that it would be a problem for other family members.

We sometimes do a family BBQ on one of the weekends near his birthday and family members are invited, but they don't all come, it's not compulsory.

So I think you are possibly being a bit precious about it.

My Mum adores my kids and has a great relationship with them. Sometimes she is about for birthdays, sometimes she isn't. Sometimes we see her for her birthday, Sometimes we don't. It doesn't mean anything.

Is there more to this op? Are there other instances where you feel your sister comes first? I wonder if you are being a but triggered by feelings of resentment due to feeling second best to your sister?

I don't understand why she should plan her life around you. She's already doing childcare. Do you see her as a resource rather than someone with a life of her own?

Grow up, life doesn't revolve around you and your kids.

Oh get a grip.

Yeah yabu

If you have children and your sister doesn’t, then you probably already have much more of your mums time than she does. Your mum is doing the right thing by sharing her time between you, and your sister and her husband’s holiday plans don’t revolve around you or your children.

Jesus Christ give Nanna a break!

I thought you were going to say its one of her 'big' birthdays and she's chosen to go away with your sister, in which case, I'd probably still struggle to see the problem tbh.

Its just a birthday - whether its your kids or yours - stop being so entitled.

@saraclara

Absolutely go, book your flights immediately - they'll have a birthday every year. Like a PP, I've never been to one of my GCs birthday parties. Not an issue.

I hope life becomes less shit for you 💐