To be upset about my mum's holiday

No, I don't think the MN demographic represents the whole world

Doesn’t occur to you, in the face of unanimous views that the OP is being wholly unreasonable, that perhaps you are too?

Mumsnet is SUCH a weird place. I read your OP and just knew what the replies would be like.

Of course it's OK to feel disappointed about this. Yes in theory your mum can do what she likes when she likes blah blah. But in the real world, what a shame your children won't have their nan at their birthdays. It must feel like she doesn't really value things like that.

I'm not sure I'd make a big fuss, I'd probably say it's a shame to miss their birthdays and leave it there. Because if she's made that decision then your being upset about it isn't really going to change anything. Honestly, MN posters can be awful and you're getting a really hard time here.

Please have a word with yourself.

God..both my parents are long dead and Im sadly estranged from my siblings as we are scattered everywhere and just like chalk and cheese. I have literally noone and my kids have never known and will never know any family except me. Get over yourself - you are incredible lucky in the grand scheme of things.

Reverse?

This.

I can’t understand these replies. I’d be a bit put out too op. Yes, of course she can do what she likes but it is a bit of a snub in favour of your sister. Is there favouritism going on?

Congratulations youre like the 100th poster to say the same patronising comment as all the rest. OK she gets it. Enough now.

Good grief ! she didn't give birth to them, you did !

It's not your birthday and even if it was you are an adult and can cope without seeing Mummy on the day
It's not your Mother's birthday and even if it was she can cope without seeing you on the day.

Birthdays are only important to the child whose birthday it is.

Op you're not being ridiculous and maybe there's more of a back story or not only you know but honestly its not a big deal. I think its highly unlikely they would go out of their way to book their hols around the kids bdays , and you can defo plan something before or after. Like you said your relationship is good and I think that you can safely not be offended by it. Don't pay attention to the pile on here either.

YABVVU.

Your poor mum.

You’re being completely ridiculous. Be pleased that your mum is getting a nice break.

Seriously.
Of course she should miss out on a holiday so she can attend children's birthday parties🙄.
and of course your sister planned her holiday on purpose around your children's birthdays just for spite .

You cant say 'it sounds like she didnt give you a heads up because she knew you would be upset' because theres zero indication that that's the case. All we know is that the holiday is next year and the bdays will be missed and op didn't pull her up on it so what you said is silly and 'it sounds like' you just want to be part of the pile on.

Like most grandparents we help out with childcare during school holidays. Also our DS & her husband work shifts so we often collect DGC from school, take them to their activities, have them stay with us & take them to school the next day when both parents on night shifts.

However, we sometimes book holidays during school holidays. We liaise with our DCs about a year in advance saying we can have GC this week, this week & fit around their holidays & other GPs availability.

No problem, no issue. Our DCs understand that we have our own lives and constantly say that they are grateful for whatever care we can give.

So you think your kids birthday is more important then your Mother spending time with her own daughter?

Your mother helps with childcare and you begrudge her going on a holiday with your sister.

Selfish much??????

There could be all sorts of reasons why they had to chose those dates, being retired doesn't mean no other commitments and similarly with your sister and brother in law. Or it could be cheaper, or the holiday might only be available those dates.
But whatever the reason I doubt she has chosen it because it's her grandchildren's birthdays.
I'm sorry but you are being extremely unreasonable.

Grow up it’s a birthday not one of them
getting married! No wonder she didn’t tell until she had booked it, it’s sound more likely you’re annoyed because you’ve lost your free childcare for a few days!

Honestly you are making too much of this. Do afternoon tea with her beforehand or after and she can give the kids their gift. Any excuse for cake. It’s fine.

Your poor Mum. I bet she was always around for your birthday. Do you really think she shouldn't be away for any of her grandchildren's birthdays, or is it just yours? She helps you out with childcare, so actually she's not fully retired, is she?
You might be disappointed that she won't be there, although you've got plenty of time to organise a nice celebration for your DC in her absence, and you can celebrate again when she comes back. The DC won't care. I suspect you are a bit miffed that they are going away without you.

YABU! Don't let your kids pick up on your disappointment, or they'll get the impression that people should stop everything and make themselves available to celebrate every birthday they have. Life goes on, it's just a birthday! Hopefully she'll be able to call/ facetime them or leave a card and gift before she goes.

As she's already told you that the holiday couldn't be booked at a different time, and as it already IS booked, you're not going to be able to change things so that she WILL be there on the birthdays. So, do you want to make the best of it, keep things as nice as possible for the children - or waste energy (and possibly damage relationships) because you're hurt?

I'd focus on the children (and a LOT depends on how old they are); let them know gently and normally that Gran's got this trip coming up and when it seems natural, you can say she'll be away over their birthdays. Don't make a big deal of it to them, but if they proactively SAY that they are upset or disappointed maybe tell your mum that they'll miss her at their birthday party/ies and ask if she wants to do a separate little celebration of both birthdays at some other time. The children will have to learn sooner or later that not everyone they love is always going to be there on their birthdays; it looks like this is the year to learn that for them.

If she’s always been there for their birthdays then I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re going to be quite sad she’s not there.

I often find that the people who respond on Mumsnet are the types who never ever seem to be bothered by anything. Ever. They are all just so chill.
OP I can understand why this would upset you. What is often missed from posts is the nuances. You are upset because your mum has always been there for the kids birthdays and that's what you know and how you like to celebrate. It might feel lonelier to you if she isn't there. I think a lot of mumsnetters don't seem to do much for their kids' birthdays judging by these comments.

Perhaps have an honest chat with your mum. She maybe didn't realise it would have meant so much to you. Likewise, just because your mum won't be there doesn't mean you can't celebrate your child in a lovely way.