To be upset about my mum's holiday

Well it depends how much she values being there for their birthdays.

If there's an event that important to your child, and a family member they are close with decides to miss it, I just dont feel it's unreasonable to be disappointed by that?

I just asked my mum about it to see what she thinks as a grandparent. She works term time so is limited when she can take holidays, and one of my children has a birthday in a school holiday. My mum says she wouldn't book a holiday then, because it's important to her to be there. I've never told her she has to, that's just the kind of nan she wants to be. Of course I wouldn't make her avoid holidays during that time, but it would be a shame.

Of course I wouldn't make her avoid holidays during that time, but it would be a shame

But what about other siblings like in the OP's case? Having this mindset is like putting restrictions on what other siblings can do with their parent and when... Other family events are important too.

Well it depends how much she values being there for their birthdays.

If there's an event that important to your child, and a family member they are close with decides to miss it, I just dont feel it's unreasonable to be disappointed by that?

I just asked my mum about it to see what she thinks as a grandparent. She works term time so is limited when she can take holidays, and one of my children has a birthday in a school holiday. My mum says she wouldn't book a holiday then, because it's important to her to be there. I've never told her she has to, that's just the kind of nan she wants to be. Of course I wouldn't make her avoid holidays during that time, but it would be a shame.

I can’t understand these replies. I’d be a bit put out too op. Yes, of course she can do what she likes but it is a bit of a snub in favour of your sister. Is there favouritism going on?

I have a good relationship with my mum and she helps us with childcare, which I'm really grateful for. My three children love her and she's always been there for all of their birthdays. She told me yesterday that she's booked to go on a 10 day holiday with my sister and her husband next year... two of my children's birthdays are 9 days apart, and this holiday covers both of their birthdays. It's the only holiday she's got booked for next year so far. Apparently they "couldn't fit it in at any other time"...though the whole year is available as far as I know as she's retired, and my sister and husband don't have the kind of jobs where annual leave is restricted to certain times. I can't help but feel a bit upset that being at their birthdays isn't important to her and that she'd rather be on holiday with my sister instead, but am I being unreasonable? I haven't said anything to her, but wanted to gauge opinions on whether I'm being ridiculous to feel this way as I'm genuinely unsure

So if you think mumsnet is SUCH A WEIRD place, what draws you?

Of course it's OK to feel disappointed about this. Yes in theory your mum can do what she likes when she likes blah blah. But in the real world, what a shame your children won't have their nan at their birthdays. It must feel like she doesn't really value things like that.

Are you being serious? I don't mean to come across as snidey. But surely you don't think the grandma's holiday calendar should revolve around her grand-children's birthdays??

Of course it's OK to feel disappointed about this. Yes in theory your mum can do what she likes when she likes blah blah. But in the real world, what a shame your children won't have their nan at their birthdays. It must feel like she doesn't really value things like that.

Are you being serious? I don't mean to come across as snidey. But surely you don't think the grandma's holiday calendar should revolve around her grand-children's birthdays??

Mumsnet is SUCH a weird place. I read your OP and just knew what the replies would be like.

Of course it's OK to feel disappointed about this. Yes in theory your mum can do what she likes when she likes blah blah. But in the real world, what a shame your children won't have their nan at their birthdays. It must feel like she doesn't really value things like that.

I'm not sure I'd make a big fuss, I'd probably say it's a shame to miss their birthdays and leave it there. Because if she's made that decision then your being upset about it isn't really going to change anything. Honestly, MN posters can be awful and you're getting a really hard time here.

I have a good relationship with my mum and she helps us with childcare, which I'm really grateful for. My three children love her and she's always been there for all of their birthdays. She told me yesterday that she's booked to go on a 10 day holiday with my sister and her husband next year... two of my children's birthdays are 9 days apart, and this holiday covers both of their birthdays. It's the only holiday she's got booked for next year so far. Apparently they "couldn't fit it in at any other time"...though the whole year is available as far as I know as she's retired, and my sister and husband don't have the kind of jobs where annual leave is restricted to certain times. I can't help but feel a bit upset that being at their birthdays isn't important to her and that she'd rather be on holiday with my sister instead, but am I being unreasonable? I haven't said anything to her, but wanted to gauge opinions on whether I'm being ridiculous to feel this way as I'm genuinely unsure

This thread is well timed for me. I'm a grandma who's not been able to get away on a holiday of her own because life has been pretty shit and I haven't felt able to escape being needed to handle stuff here.

It looks as though there's a light at the end of the tunnel, and I'll be able to get away in a few weeks and potentially visit family on the other side of the world. But that will be over a period where both my grandchildren have their birthdays. But if I don't go then, it will be both unaffordable and inconvenient (returning just before Christmas).

Obviously I'd like to be around for the birthdays (though I generally don't get to see them on the day itself) so I'm struggling with how I might feel not being around, and how my daughter and little granddaughters might feel about it. The older grandchild (6) is already talking about her birthday on the assumption that I'll be there.

I'm glad to see that most people thing is okay. But I'm still a bit uncomfortable about it, even though I know my daughter almost certainly won't have a problem with it.

You’re not upset, you are jealous.

Mumsnet is SUCH a weird place. I read your OP and just knew what the replies would be like.

Of course it's OK to feel disappointed about this. Yes in theory your mum can do what she likes when she likes blah blah. But in the real world, what a shame your children won't have their nan at their birthdays. It must feel like she doesn't really value things like that.

I'm not sure I'd make a big fuss, I'd probably say it's a shame to miss their birthdays and leave it there. Because if she's made that decision then your being upset about it isn't really going to change anything. Honestly, MN posters can be awful and you're getting a really hard time here.

No, I don't think the MN demographic represents the whole world

Mumsnet is SUCH a weird place. I read your OP and just knew what the replies would be like.

Of course it's OK to feel disappointed about this. Yes in theory your mum can do what she likes when she likes blah blah. But in the real world, what a shame your children won't have their nan at their birthdays. It must feel like she doesn't really value things like that.

I'm not sure I'd make a big fuss, I'd probably say it's a shame to miss their birthdays and leave it there. Because if she's made that decision then your being upset about it isn't really going to change anything. Honestly, MN posters can be awful and you're getting a really hard time here.