To be upset about my mum's holiday

Zombie thread.

You certainly are being unreasonable. The holiday wasn't deliberately booked to avoid your children's birthdays, the date suited your sister and her husband. I doubt very much that your children will mind Grandma not being there; if their birthdays are nine days apart she can celebrate one just before she goes and one just after her return, they'll like that.

Don't be mean, you are being rather petulant about this and whatever you do, don't let your mum know you're upset. She deserves a nice holiday. For goodness sakes, your ikids have birthdays every year, we all do!

Ofc yabu, its their birthdays not their wedding, she can celebrate before she goes / on her return. It sounds like she does a lot for you, you sound ridiculous and entitled to think dsis and dm should plan holidays to suit you. You are their mum and will be there to celebrate their birthdays, let them.see their frirnds or have a day out. Are you jealous that they are going away with yiur sister? Is that the real issue here?

Thank goodness you didn't tell anyone, it could have been a lot worse than you got on here.

I have two daughters. One is the mother of my grandchildren, the other is child free.

I'm very aware that since the grandchildren arrived, it's very easy for everything to revolve around them, and what with child care and random visit requests, for me to end up seeing their mum more often than their auntie.
Add into that that I also help out financially with a contribution to nursery fees, it would be very easy for the other daughter to feel that she is at the bottom of the heap.

So yes, it's important for me, and presumably your mother, @Applebyapples ,to occasionally prioritise and make time for the other daughter.
Your children are important to their Grandma, but it doesn't mean that they're her only priority, nor should they be.

Yeah, you are being totally ridiculous

My DM has hardly ever been in this country when my DDs have celebrated their birthdays. She’s mostly spent 3-4 months in Africa between January and April, where she runs a Christian charity project, in her 80s.

It doesn’t matter to me, those are the best months for her to be there because of the climate. And she’s always put a lot of thought into birthday presents for my DDs.

So I agree that the OP is being unreasonable.

Do you think that you and your children are so important that everyone should prioritise them?
It’s her life she can do as she pleases seem like you are very self entitled!

Yup

I’m not surprised when you asked your mother put her on the spot she said she wouldn’t go away @newbluesofa .

Probably sensed it would end in “disappointment” and judgment

OP's arse well and truly booted for being so entitled over birthdays.

“So het up” 😆

life must be hard 💐

You just direct quoted me THREE times in a row, you don't need to get so het up about this. If you hadn't kept quoting me and asking me direct questions I'd have long moved on, you should as well

So you do see this as the grandmother not valuing the children’s birthday

so you repeatedly saying it’s ok to feel disappointment, well you are saying more than that. You are judging the mother.

You do see the irony of you don't need to spend your evening on this?

You sensitive soul

“Redirected it on to me”

you basically implied that we were all so weird

dozens and dozens and dozens of us… all “weird”

It's ok to have different opinions you don't need to spend your evening on this. My post was directed at OP not you personally

You seem to perceive the mother going as indicative of her not valuing her grandchildren’s birthdays, which is more than simply feeling disappointment she won’t be there

Yes? I don't know how else to explain it. Two things can be true at the same time. It can be nice that her mum is getting a nice holiday while also being a shame to miss a birthday. Humans are complex and have many emotions

OP, at least they've redirected it onto me now 😂 it's OK to have emotions about things don't worry

It must feel like she doesn't really value things like that.

you would feel like this if your sister was taking your mother on a lovely holiday and it clashed with one of your children’s birthdays?

That doesn’t answer my question

If your sister was offering to take your mother away on a holiday, you would still feel disappointed and that it was a shame and that that hour mother wasn’t prioritising what’s truly important (being there for your children’s birthday)

I just said to someone else above, two things can be true at once. It's nice her mum will have a lovely holiday. It's also a shame she'll miss their birthdays. Both things can be true, it's OK to feel disappointed for their nan to miss their birthday even if it's for a good reason

Bonkers! I can’t imagine expecting my parents to deliberately avoid being away on my kids’ birthdays.

Just invite their friends. They’ll be happy.