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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be fuming DH forgot school shoes AGAIN?

163 replies

solitudehiker · 27/09/2025 10:58

Right so I sent DH into Clarks yesterday because DS2’s school shoes are literally falling apart sole coming off flapping around and I said PLEASE just get him black school shoes any black school shoes that fit his feet I don’t care what brand

He comes back smug as anything with… black TRAINERS 😑 like proper sporty ones not even pretending to be school shoes says “it’s all they had in his size” and now of course DS2 thinks they’re amazing and is buzzing to wear them

Except school are super strict and will 100% say no trainers allowed then I’ll be the one trying to explain it Monday morning and DS2 will have a meltdown because he wanted to wear them and I’ll look like the crap mum who can’t get it right

DH is now saying I’m being dramatic and “they’re basically the same thing” 🙄 and if school say anything he’ll “have a word” but he won’t be the one stood in the playground while the teacher side-eyes me

AIBU to be absolutely fuming and tempted to just go buy the right ones today even though money is tight and I’ll have to drag all 5 DC with me because DH has now “gone to watch the match with his mates” 😩

OP posts:
Figcherry · 27/09/2025 14:14

If your dh is a Dingle that explains a lot to me ( Baggies supporter) and Spurs are as bad. 😄

Loneste · 27/09/2025 14:08

I always just buy my dc's shoes online. We have a home measuring gadget but tbh these days I just guess and usually get it right. I cba with faffing around in a Clark's store with multiple dc in tow.

Maaate · 27/09/2025 14:08

WhiteRosesAndThistles · 27/09/2025 13:51

Do you work OP? Just asking as if I was your DH and had been leaving for work at 6am all week I wouldn't be thrilled to go shoe shopping on a Saturday morning.
Also, its the third week back at school where I am, how does DS need new shoes already!

Poor love. As we all know being responsible for 5 children throughout the day (1 who is still a baby) is basically a doss. Imagine expecting their actual father to perform a basic task for one of them 😱

At least he has his day out with the lads today to recover from the trauma

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 27/09/2025 14:07

School shoes are a menace to feet. I’d be backing the black trainers all the way. Your DH did the smart thing.

Nevereatcardboard · 27/09/2025 14:03

Do you ever get to have a whole day (or even half a day) out while he looks after all 5 children?

MeridaBrave · 27/09/2025 13:58

Honestly I’d tell DH that it’s his problem if the school aren’t happy. Let him deal with the consequences.

Some of story doesn’t make sense though. At Clarks the kids feet get measured and they ask what you want. So can’t just “grab first pair”. Also Clarks only sell their own brand shoes so odd to send to Clarks and say “get any brand”.

Original poster
solitudehiker · 27/09/2025 13:57

Ok fair point I prob do overuse the 😂 but if I didn’t laugh I’d cry at this point honestly

I do get that DH works hard he’s out 6 til gone 5 most days and I don’t expect him to be skipping round Clarks on his day off but it’s just the attitude that it’s fine to send DS2 in trainers and let me deal with the fallout that does my head in

And yep I’m at home atm on mat leave so it does fall to me but I was working as a TA before DD2 was born and will prob go back once she’s in nursery so it’s not like I do nothing

Shoes are knackered already because DS2 literally destroys them he’s forever playing football at break and they’re covered in holes

I will go today but DH will 100% be told when he gets home that next time he’s sorting it not me 🙄

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 27/09/2025 13:55

Tbh order something short term same day delivery from Amazon. He pays. Up to him to take the trainers back to get his money back. Then if the shoes aren’t much good, he bloody well goes back to buy some next week, and until he achieves the monumentally complex task of buying appropriate shoes without making such a pigs ear of it.

WhiteRosesAndThistles · 27/09/2025 13:51

Do you work OP? Just asking as if I was your DH and had been leaving for work at 6am all week I wouldn't be thrilled to go shoe shopping on a Saturday morning.
Also, its the third week back at school where I am, how does DS need new shoes already!

ForZanyAquaViewer · 27/09/2025 13:51

PrincessFairyWren · 27/09/2025 13:48

I really wish you would stop using the laughing emoji. It really isn’t funny. It is entrenched misogyny. Lovely example this prince is setting for his children, and it is either they suffer by standing out and not having the right uniform or you by the inconvenience of taking them back. Add in his confidence that all he has to do is “have a word” with the school, completely disregarding their policies.

It is not ok that he is like this.

This.

Maaate · 27/09/2025 13:49

rwalker · 27/09/2025 13:25

In his defence he clearly has no idea how things work when it comes to school uniform policie so in his own wisdom it will be fine and no Issue

tbe only way to deal with this is ok et the whole drama run its course and he deals
but that isn’t a great option as dmm m DC gets caught in the middle

Why are people always trying to defend grown ass men for not knowing basic information. It's not exactly a new or unique concept that kids can't wear trainers to school - it was a pretty universal rule when I was at school and this was over 30 years ago 🙄

At the very least he should be going back to get the shoes he was supposed to be getting in the first place ( but couldn't be arsed to actually do).

PrincessFairyWren · 27/09/2025 13:48

I really wish you would stop using the laughing emoji. It really isn’t funny. It is entrenched misogyny. Lovely example this prince is setting for his children, and it is either they suffer by standing out and not having the right uniform or you by the inconvenience of taking them back. Add in his confidence that all he has to do is “have a word” with the school, completely disregarding their policies.

It is not ok that he is like this.

Original poster
solitudehiker · 27/09/2025 13:45

Ok full dripfeed incoming sorry 😂 he’s actually gone down to London for the football it’s Spurs vs Wolves tonight doesn’t even kick off til 8pm but he left this morning to “make a day of it” with his mates and is staying over so yep it’s me solo with all 5 DC including a 6 month old who still wakes hourly 😩

I know I probably am being a bit of a wifey martyr sorting it but honestly the thought of wrestling DS2 DS3 DD1 and DD2 round Clarks on Monday morning before school drop off gives me hives so I’d rather just get it done today even if it’s me doing it

He is infuriating though like I swear he thinks school will just bend the rules because he says so 🙄

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 27/09/2025 13:43

Maybe, just maybe, he doesn’t give a damn about the type of shoes his child wears to school because he knows it will in absolutely no way affect his child’s education! Maybe we should all be more like him and stop pandering to ridiculous uniform rules.

smilingfanatic · 27/09/2025 13:42

Dragging FIVE kids into town to fix this useless ballbag's mistake? Fuck that.

childofthe607080s · 27/09/2025 13:40

Send him back out

PermanentTemporary · 27/09/2025 13:39

I will admit one of the many things I liked about ds’s school was that they never enforced the ‘no black trainers’ and ‘no black jeans’ rules and so 100% of the children wore black trainers and jeans and it was great. But otherwise… fuck him and his slackness. Bookmarking for the next person who posts asking ‘what is the mental load’. How is he off with his mates in this scenario??

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 27/09/2025 13:39

solitudehiker · 27/09/2025 13:26

Haha ok maybe a bit harsh to LTB over school shoes but honestly today I could 😂 he’s not a total waste of space he does loads with the kids when he’s here but anything like school admin or uniform just falls to me and he acts like he’s done me a favour even going to the shop

And yes you’re right I do just end up sorting it myself because it’s easier than the Monday morning carnage and I hate the thought of DS2 feeling embarrassed if teacher says something he’s already quite shy

Also lol at the Clarks comment he literally said he didn’t bother waiting for the ticket thing because the queue was too long and he just asked someone to check a random pair in DS2s size which explains why we ended up with trainers 🙄

Lazy fecker. Why are you taking the kids and sorting it out this afternoon? Why isn't he?

Hedgehogbrown · 27/09/2025 13:35

solitudehiker · 27/09/2025 13:03

Thanks all yep 100% weaponised incompetence 😂 he even admitted he didn’t bother asking in the shop if they had actual school shoes he just grabbed the first pair that fit

I think I’ll drag the kids out later and just swap them I cba with the Monday morning drama and DS2 having a strop before school 🙄 DH will absolutely NOT be doing drop off Monday he leaves for work at 6am so no chance but I might email school if there’s an issue and give them his number just to be petty 😂

Honestly why is it always me who ends up sorting this stuff I swear if I left it to him they’d all be in mismatched socks and PE kits for life

Why is it always you? Because you choose to do it and seem like on some level you like it. Just let it play out and give tell them to call your husband. I'm assuming they have his number. Yes he's displaying weaponised incompetence, but you are being a wifey martyr on purpose as well.

Original poster
solitudehiker · 27/09/2025 13:26

Haha ok maybe a bit harsh to LTB over school shoes but honestly today I could 😂 he’s not a total waste of space he does loads with the kids when he’s here but anything like school admin or uniform just falls to me and he acts like he’s done me a favour even going to the shop

And yes you’re right I do just end up sorting it myself because it’s easier than the Monday morning carnage and I hate the thought of DS2 feeling embarrassed if teacher says something he’s already quite shy

Also lol at the Clarks comment he literally said he didn’t bother waiting for the ticket thing because the queue was too long and he just asked someone to check a random pair in DS2s size which explains why we ended up with trainers 🙄

OP posts:
beachcitygirl · 27/09/2025 13:26

Please please please, learn to value yourself a little more. He doesn’t value you at all.

rwalker · 27/09/2025 13:25

In his defence he clearly has no idea how things work when it comes to school uniform policie so in his own wisdom it will be fine and no Issue

tbe only way to deal with this is ok et the whole drama run its course and he deals
but that isn’t a great option as dmm m DC gets caught in the middle

shhblackbag · 27/09/2025 13:24

theresapossuminthekitchen · 27/09/2025 13:22

It’s always you because you’ve, yet again, decided to solve it all yourself at massive inconvenience to you and absolutely none to him - he’s off out with his mates, he doesn’t care! That’s how ‘weaponised incompetence’ works… next time, you’ll just do it yourself in the first place and then he’ll really be laughing.

Show quote history

Exactly this! Ugh.

shhblackbag · 27/09/2025 13:24

solitudehiker · 27/09/2025 13:03

Thanks all yep 100% weaponised incompetence 😂 he even admitted he didn’t bother asking in the shop if they had actual school shoes he just grabbed the first pair that fit

I think I’ll drag the kids out later and just swap them I cba with the Monday morning drama and DS2 having a strop before school 🙄 DH will absolutely NOT be doing drop off Monday he leaves for work at 6am so no chance but I might email school if there’s an issue and give them his number just to be petty 😂

Honestly why is it always me who ends up sorting this stuff I swear if I left it to him they’d all be in mismatched socks and PE kits for life

He should be the one returning them. Is he always this infuriating?

theresapossuminthekitchen · 27/09/2025 13:22

solitudehiker · 27/09/2025 13:03

Thanks all yep 100% weaponised incompetence 😂 he even admitted he didn’t bother asking in the shop if they had actual school shoes he just grabbed the first pair that fit

I think I’ll drag the kids out later and just swap them I cba with the Monday morning drama and DS2 having a strop before school 🙄 DH will absolutely NOT be doing drop off Monday he leaves for work at 6am so no chance but I might email school if there’s an issue and give them his number just to be petty 😂

Honestly why is it always me who ends up sorting this stuff I swear if I left it to him they’d all be in mismatched socks and PE kits for life

It’s always you because you’ve, yet again, decided to solve it all yourself at massive inconvenience to you and absolutely none to him - he’s off out with his mates, he doesn’t care! That’s how ‘weaponised incompetence’ works… next time, you’ll just do it yourself in the first place and then he’ll really be laughing.