To be fuming DH forgot school shoes AGAIN?

Your DH spends the whole weekend watching football whilst you do battle with 5 children?
Mate, how is this fair?

With every post he sounds worse and worse. You have 5 kids and he's still living the life of a single man - fucking off to the footie, going to the pub - while you run yourself ragged.

he knows you'll always sort everything out so he doesn't need to bother. I bet yes not this fucking incompetent at work

Nothing’s going to change until you change your response.

DH couldn’t be arsed to wait 5 minutes to get his own child measured for proper shoes, yet he’s managed to find 36 hours for football. You’re dragging 5 children around today because he’s fucking off out tomorrow as well.

I’d be leaving him with the other 4 children tomorrow and taking DS to the shoe shop. It’s not a laughing matter, it’s sheer contempt on his part .

He can’t do it tomorrow he won’t be back til late morning from London and then has already said he’s watching the early kick off at the pub with his dad so basically tomorrow is a write off too 🙄

So he takes DS with him and sorts the shoes out instead of going to the pub with his Dad - consequence of weaponised incompetence needs to be sufficiently severe that he won't try it on again.

For the future - if he goes to London for a match on Saturday you get time to yourself on Sunday - he doesn't get to swan off to watch another match the next day.

I do have sympathy and understand its not DC fault so why should he get upset on monday as he may get into trouble at school etc. so as a caring Mum you want to sort it for your DC .
And as DH is away now - it is going to be 'do it yourself' or have the carange on monday and sometimes the path of least resistance is the best.
and i honestly think that going off to an away day football match which is obviously a big deal for your DH is ok, I thought it sounded like a special thing etc...BUT I lost sympathy when I saw that tomorrow he is buggering off to pub to watch more football .
WTAF...just no, he has had an overnight / whole day out for himself.
I'd be saying ' you will need to take DS back to Clarkes tomorrow before you go to the pub as you bought him the wrong shoes'.
Why are so many women such martyrs/wet about these things.
Or better still as soon as he arrives home tomorrow, do NOT discuss just grab the car keys and trainers and go straight out saying ' I am just popping to clarkes as DC cannot wear trainers to school whatever you think, wont be long'.
and literally go..run...and stay out as long as you can.
If when you get back he kicks off about missing football start , I would calmer point out that if he had bought the right shoes in the first place he would not have been missing football.

Ffs! He has 5 DC and watches football all weekend including a piss up in London. I thought he was just a lazy fecker but he's an absolute piss taker too. Why do you put up with this? The shoe situation is the least of your problems

Have you got anxiety? Let him wear them let the school deal with it let DH deal with it and then he can go get correct shoes on Monday after school. Life’s too short. You can’t worry about everything when he’s a parent too

I am wondering OP why on earth you chose to have 5 children with this man-child ?

Surely you know after the first one that he wasn't going to pull his weight?

He knows you will do it. He gets a brief nagging and life goes on. You get the headache/fall out

I was ready to have sympathy for you OP.

That was until I read that you allow yourself to be in this position. Weaponised incompetence on his side and deeply ingrained misogyny on yours.

I think you need to respect yourself more. It’s not funny. It’s sad.

You answered your own question in the first part of your post. Stop fixing his "mistakes" and make him bear the consequences.

No sympathy orherwise

👆Absolutely this. Send and and give the school dad's phone number. Oh and dad has to buy proper shoes out of his fun money. What a twit.

Just for some perspective, as you say he’s out 0600-1700 so couldn’t possibly get some shoes on his day off, my husband works 12 hour day and night shifts so is out 0700-2100 if he’s off on time. And then he has our 3 children (age 2, 4 and 7) on his days off so I can work and is responsible for buying and preparing their lunchboxes, getting them dressed and to and from school, sorting dinner and doing bedtimes and most definitely he would at a shop on his ‘day off’ if one needed school shoes or clothing.
Hes only useless if you let him get away with it because you sort it yourself

Yeah, make him take his son to school on Monday. Your DH will learn.

Men acquire learned helplessness and they need to learn the consequences of that.

I find start rite shoes harder wearing than Clark’s shoes if you haven’t brought Clark’s again yet.
You can print off the paper gauge to measure their feet and their outlet section online usually have some black shoes.
I used to always buy Clark’s but then they started falling apart within 4 weeks…
The last time the soles came apart from the upper shoe I took them back in and they said it was normal ‘wear and tear’ but they were only 5 weeks old. That’s when I said I wouldn’t buy them again, start rite ones have always been outgrown instead of having to be replaced because of damage.

I hope all his dinners next weeks are a cheese sandwich. Because "it's basically the same thing" as a hot meal.

The problem here is you are now talking about going and exchanging them yourself.

Nope - HE needs to return straight to the shop and return the shoes and buy an appropriate pair.

He's a grown adult of course he knows how to do this he just resented being asked to do it so resolved to do a poor job to avoid being asked to do it again.

You now need to flip that back and demonstrate to him that the consequence of him doing it badly is not that he gets away with it - its that he will now spend twice as much of his precious time to sort it out. He'll know better next time and do it properly right from the start.

Why can’t DH fix this tomorrow? Sunday

Honestly, he sounds like a shitty dad and a shitty partner.

Why is he not cancelling his jolly to fix his mistake?

His behaviour is shocking, he's treating you like a skivvy and not caring about the experience his dc has in school. You clearly know he's done a bad job on purpose.

This is what mental load looks like. I would like to take a massive step back and let him sort it out and deal with the school.

Having said that irl I would probably do what @Easilyforgotten suggested. Make it into a day trip out with your DS and leave him home alone with the others ALL day.

It doesn't matter whether other posters or your DH think trainers would be a better bet for your DS. It's your DS and you who have to deal with school intransigence over petty regulations. Easy to say you wouldn't put up with that kind of bullshit when you're not the one dealing with the consequences.

Is your Clarks open on a Sunday? I'd be tempted to leave him at home with 4 kids and take DS2 alone and not rush back.