Page 4 | To be fuming DH forgot school shoes AGAIN?

solitudehiker · 2025-09-27T09:58:03+00:00

Right so I sent DH into Clarks yesterday because DS2’s school shoes are literally falling apart sole coming off flapping around and I said PLEASE just get him black school shoes any black school shoes that fit his feet I don’t care what brand He comes back smug as anything with… black TRAINERS 😑 like proper sporty ones not even pretending to be school shoes says “it’s all they had in his size” and now of course DS2 thinks they’re amazing and is buzzing to wear them Except school are super strict and will 100% say no trainers allowed then I’ll be the one trying to explain it Monday morning and DS2 will have a meltdown because he wanted to wear them and I’ll look like the crap mum who can’t get it right DH is now saying I’m being dramatic and “they’re basically the same thing” 🙄 and if school say anything he’ll “have a word” but he won’t be the one stood in the playground while the teacher side-eyes me AIBU to be absolutely fuming and tempted to just go buy the right ones today even though money is tight and I’ll have to drag all 5 DC with me because DH has now “gone to watch the match with his mates” 😩

FieryA · 27/09/2025 15:54

What an awful father! He doesn't know how to get the right school shoes for his child, despite having 5? And he makes no attempt to rectify his mistake either?

cardibach · 27/09/2025 15:48

itsraining2024 · 27/09/2025 14:52

Have you got anxiety? Let him wear them let the school deal with it let DH deal with it and then he can go get correct shoes on Monday after school. Life’s too short. You can’t worry about everything when he’s a parent too

If he wears them all day Monday they can’t be exchanged, it would be an additional pair. That costs. Plus it’s not fair to the DS to put him in the middle with the school and his dad.

FrodoBiggins · 27/09/2025 15:46

solitudehiker · 27/09/2025 14:57

Ok ouch some of these are a bit harsh 😅 I promise he’s not a total man child he does do loads with the kids when he’s here like bath and bedtime and takes them football and swimming but yeah I do end up being the one who sorts the boring life admin stuff

I think we’ve just fallen into this pattern where it’s easier for me to deal with it but I know I am enabling him by just sorting everything so will def make him return the trainers next weekend so he actually has to queue up at Clarks himself 😂

And yes def going to look at start rite or even supermarket shoes next time Clarks seem to fall apart so quickly now and cost a fortune

For the record we didn’t exactly plan to have 5 DC but we love them and we muddle through most of the time it’s just weeks like this where everything feels like a battle 😩

"he does do loads with the kids when he’s here like bath and bedtime and takes them football and swimming but yeah I do end up being the one who sorts the boring life admin stuff"

He sounds like a fun older brother, not a father. My big brother (10y older than the younger kids) used to do this stuff. Then he used to go out with his mates all weekend to watch football. But he was 18 and when he became a father he actually parented his children because he's not useless.

Dandelionclocksareneverslow · 27/09/2025 15:42

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 27/09/2025 15:37

This is just closing the stable door after the horse has bolted.

The children exist. Its pointless and kind of offensive to say she shouldn't have had them. and therefore should shut up and put up with any old shit from her partner.

Show quote history

Why not?

After 4 years with my first husband I realised he was a lazy eejit who couldn't take responsibility for a goldfish, never mind a child.

So I never had any kids with him.

OP needs to make some rules about Distribution of Labour and stick to them. But by her own admittance they just "muddle through".
No sympathy.

Original poster

solitudehiker · 27/09/2025 15:39

Yeah that’s a good point actually if I’m gonna end up doing it anyway I might as well just go on my own and make it less stressful 😂 town with 5 DC is not the one

And fair enough on the laughing emojis I think it’s just my default when I’m knackered and trying not to cry over school shoes 😅

I don’t think he’s thick he just literally doesn’t think about this stuff the way I do he was probably already mentally on the train to London while he was in Clarks 🙄

OP posts:

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 27/09/2025 15:37

Dandelionclocksareneverslow · 27/09/2025 15:09

@solitudehiker "For the record we didn’t exactly plan to have 5 DC"

Ridiculous.

Totally ridiculous.

You talk as if you had no control over it. Did you think that the stork brought them?
A vasectomy after No 3 for Mr Footy might have been a sensible idea, but then he doesn't seem that sensible does he?

And you "muddle through" ?

Gee whizz, what an attitude.

This is just closing the stable door after the horse has bolted.

The children exist. Its pointless and kind of offensive to say she shouldn't have had them. and therefore should shut up and put up with any old shit from her partner.

BusyMum47 · 27/09/2025 15:37

@solitudehiker

Your DH is a prick. Get HIM to exchange them tomorrow & explain to your DS why.

usedtobeaylis · 27/09/2025 15:36

solitudehiker · 27/09/2025 15:29

Ok ok message received 😂 I do get it’s not funny really and I probably do make it too easy for him tbh

I’m not defending him going straight to the pub tomorrow either that has wound me up I just know if I wait for him to sort it DS2 will end up wearing the wrong shoes Monday and then I’ll get the call from school 🙄

I like the idea of just leaving him with the other 4 next Sunday and going out by myself for a few hours and letting him deal with teatime/bedtime chaos maybe then he’ll realise why I don’t think football should take up the whole weekend

And for those asking no I don’t have anxiety (least I don’t think I do 😂) I just hate the thought of DS2 being told off at school when it’s not his fault he doesn’t have the right shoes

Promise next time I’ll just hand DH the shoes and say “your problem” and go get a coffee while he queues up at Clarks 😅

I totally understand that you don't want your kids to suffer because of his incompetency. That's what he relies on, it's what every man like him relies on.

TeenLifeMum · 27/09/2025 15:34

I genuinely couldn’t stay married to someone that thick.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 27/09/2025 15:34

PortSalutSherryHello · 27/09/2025 15:30

The laughing emojis are really strange.

I think OP is feeling fed up enough already.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 27/09/2025 15:33

WhiteRosesAndThistles · 27/09/2025 13:51

Do you work OP? Just asking as if I was your DH and had been leaving for work at 6am all week I wouldn't be thrilled to go shoe shopping on a Saturday morning.
Also, its the third week back at school where I am, how does DS need new shoes already!

Really?

It doesn't matter whether OP works or not. She could be on maternity leave for all we know.
She clearly has her hands full.
But OP is supposed to feel guilty for asking for help?
He's not too exhausted to spend all day up in town to see an 8.00 pm sports event is he?

Did you miss the part where OP said she has a six month old baby that needs attention on the hour at the moment?

The boy has two parents... why shouldn't one of them take him shoe shopping at the weekend, whilst the other parent looks after the other four as its much easier than dragging all of them into the shops.

But the OP has already said that.

PortSalutSherryHello · 27/09/2025 15:30

The laughing emojis are really strange.

Original poster

solitudehiker · 27/09/2025 15:29

Ok ok message received 😂 I do get it’s not funny really and I probably do make it too easy for him tbh

I’m not defending him going straight to the pub tomorrow either that has wound me up I just know if I wait for him to sort it DS2 will end up wearing the wrong shoes Monday and then I’ll get the call from school 🙄

I like the idea of just leaving him with the other 4 next Sunday and going out by myself for a few hours and letting him deal with teatime/bedtime chaos maybe then he’ll realise why I don’t think football should take up the whole weekend

And for those asking no I don’t have anxiety (least I don’t think I do 😂) I just hate the thought of DS2 being told off at school when it’s not his fault he doesn’t have the right shoes

Promise next time I’ll just hand DH the shoes and say “your problem” and go get a coffee while he queues up at Clarks 😅

OP posts:

FinchAddict · 27/09/2025 15:28

I would add that if you decide that buying the school shoes/uniform yourself is the best way to go, then start leaving the kids with him on a Saturday and heading into town on your own to do it.

It's totally fine to play to your strengths in a marriage but not okay for one to mess it up and the other to fix it while dragging all the kids with them too.

Dandelionclocksareneverslow · 27/09/2025 15:21

JockTamsonsBairns · 27/09/2025 15:15

Despite all the laughing emojis, this thread saddens me.

Man fucks up the buying of one pair of black shoes, then buggers off for a weekend of football leaving his wife to sort out his mess with five small children in tow.

I thought we'd come further than this.

They are both responsible for having 5 children but unfortunately only 1 of them is taking any responsibility for the lives they have created.

OP needs to set some strict rules but I doubt that would achieve much as there is a lacksadaisical attitude coming through very strongly.

neveradmit17 · 27/09/2025 15:19

I can only echo the others: what he did was not ok. Going out for the whole weekend is not ok when you have so many young children.

FinchAddict · 27/09/2025 15:18

Honestly, I'd be telling my husband he's either swapping the shoes on Sunday (and changing his arrangements to make that work) or child wears old shoes on Monday (or child can choose to wear the trainers and face the consequences, but school would be instructed to call DH about the shoes). He's then swapping the shoes or buying new ones the following weekend.

He wouldn't rely on his boss to sort out his fuck ups so why his wife?

Every football weekend would be matched by time for me to do stuff. Join a club, go to the gym, even a drive and a coffee somewhere.

JockTamsonsBairns · 27/09/2025 15:15

Despite all the laughing emojis, this thread saddens me.

Man fucks up the buying of one pair of black shoes, then buggers off for a weekend of football leaving his wife to sort out his mess with five small children in tow.

I thought we'd come further than this.

Idunkia · 27/09/2025 15:12

solitudehiker · 27/09/2025 14:57

Ok ouch some of these are a bit harsh 😅 I promise he’s not a total man child he does do loads with the kids when he’s here like bath and bedtime and takes them football and swimming but yeah I do end up being the one who sorts the boring life admin stuff

I think we’ve just fallen into this pattern where it’s easier for me to deal with it but I know I am enabling him by just sorting everything so will def make him return the trainers next weekend so he actually has to queue up at Clarks himself 😂

And yes def going to look at start rite or even supermarket shoes next time Clarks seem to fall apart so quickly now and cost a fortune

For the record we didn’t exactly plan to have 5 DC but we love them and we muddle through most of the time it’s just weeks like this where everything feels like a battle 😩

None of the comments are harsh. Why did you post if all you want to do is keep defending him? This is not alright by any standards. After a whole day away, he'll yet again leave you to watch the kick off with his dad? By all means carry on with your "6" children.

Dandelionclocksareneverslow · 27/09/2025 15:09

@solitudehiker "For the record we didn’t exactly plan to have 5 DC"

Ridiculous.

Totally ridiculous.

You talk as if you had no control over it. Did you think that the stork brought them?
A vasectomy after No 3 for Mr Footy might have been a sensible idea, but then he doesn't seem that sensible does he?

And you "muddle through" ?

Gee whizz, what an attitude.

usedtobeaylis · 27/09/2025 15:05

solitudehiker · 27/09/2025 14:57

Ok ouch some of these are a bit harsh 😅 I promise he’s not a total man child he does do loads with the kids when he’s here like bath and bedtime and takes them football and swimming but yeah I do end up being the one who sorts the boring life admin stuff

I think we’ve just fallen into this pattern where it’s easier for me to deal with it but I know I am enabling him by just sorting everything so will def make him return the trainers next weekend so he actually has to queue up at Clarks himself 😂

And yes def going to look at start rite or even supermarket shoes next time Clarks seem to fall apart so quickly now and cost a fortune

For the record we didn’t exactly plan to have 5 DC but we love them and we muddle through most of the time it’s just weeks like this where everything feels like a battle 😩

This is not funny. It's easier for you to do it because he's made it that way and the shoes are a perfect example. These men would not pull this shit at work.

wrongthinker · 27/09/2025 15:02

Papadulo · 27/09/2025 14:59

Your DH spends the whole weekend watching football whilst you do battle with 5 children?
Mate, how is this fair?

My thoughts, too. How is it okay for you to be left with all five kids, including a small baby, while he goes off on a jolly all weekend? I get that he works hard all week but that's life. He's still supposed to be a husband and father at the weekend, too. It's not a part time role.

TomatoSandwiches · 27/09/2025 15:02

None of this is funny or acceptable, not sure why you are with someone who respects you so little.

usedtobeaylis · 27/09/2025 15:02

The leader, protector and provider of the world strikes again

Mygardenandme · 27/09/2025 15:00

I had this at the beginning of term. Took daughter shopping for tracksuit bottoms for PE. I wouldnt buy her cargos for PE so she kicked off. I told her dad to sort it out. I expressly said that she can't wear trousers. They came home with chinos. Literally trousers and thought they would be OK. Apparemtly I should have been grateful they didnt get jeans! 🤨They wouldnt listen so in she went. Needless to say, I got the phone call telling me that trousers arent gym wear and was I stupid thinking they were suitable. I then got the grief from her that she'd been told off. Plus, I then had to drag her about again for tracksuit bottoms.