To be fuming DH forgot school shoes AGAIN?

"Also lol at the Clarks comment he literally said he didn’t bother waiting for the ticket thing because the queue was too long and he just asked someone to check a random pair in DS2s size which explains why we ended up with trainers"

I am beginning to wonder if this post is a wind-up because I cannot understand why a father wouldn't want to get his child to be measured properly for shoes because he "couldn't be bothered".

It sounds like you're mostly resposible for the children with him in a kind of Disney Daddish "special guest star" role, dropping in for the occasional shoe purchase or telling off the school if they don't like his pick of shoes? I'm not talking about you doing more of the hands-on work of childcare as that certainly may be what works in your family, but the fact that he seems completely out of touch and yet is confident that he knows better than you. Don't take on extra time, energy, and worry shooting out his mistake. If it IS a mistake, he's responsible for resolving it.

Send him to search through the school materials, online or anything you have in print, and to get a definitive answer on whether these trainers are OK. If he discovers that black trainers are definitively and clearly OK, then everybody's happy. If he can't do that before DS has to go to school in them, then he takes DS and explains the situation and "has a word" if necessary. If he discovers that trainers are not allowed, he has to figure out what to do - either take DS and return the trainers and go elsewhere for school shoes if that shop still doesn't have them, or find a way to let DS keep the trainers AND take him out to buy school shoes (he figures out how to stretch the budget for this) or let him take DS to school and fight it out if he thinks that's best. But above all stop acting like you're delegating dribs and drabs of parenting to your child's other parent; you're both equally responsible.

It’s really hard when you’re sleep deprived and in the trenches to see the wood for the trees op and I get that, I really do. But this is not ok. On any level. That’s shitty parenting, and a really shitty way to treat your wife.

You’re enabling this but it’s not your job to train up an adult male to behave like a decent human being. He should be stepping up to the plate not acting like an unmarried lad who can’t possibly miss his football. Ffs that’s something you’d expect to be saying about a 4 year old.

I doubt you’re in a headspace to kick him to the kerb yet, so in the short term is there any reason you can’t take the ebf baby out with you on a Sunday morning and leave him to sort out the other four for the day?

Instead of going back to work as a TA, think about how you could upskill to increase your earning power - he could do without beer for a while if money is any issue.

5 kids!! That’s a lot to handle with a DH who can’t even buy school shoes.

But that's not what happened.

He went to get the shoes yesterday and has gone off on his jollies today.

This. It’s absolutely pathetic.

He won.
Sorry but he has decided he knows better than you even though you’re the one who does all the school runs etc…
And when he ‘fails’, you’re still saving him.

You should have told him
’Ok. That’s fine. But YOU are the one taking dc to school in Monday am. The one to deal with the school saying NO. Dc being disappointed etc….’

Yes I’m sure hed go ‘oh but I can’t possible do that because xyz/work’.
Except he can. He can spare 2 hours. Even if it’s taking half a day off work if need be.
Whats not ok is for him to do a half arsed job, make your life harder all that becayse 1- he doesn’t believe you and 2- he can’t be bothered.

Oh and next time, you go and find the shoes and he is dealing with the 4 dcs on his own instead. Take your time and make it a nice occasion at the same time,

Also lol at the Clarks comment he literally said he didn’t bother waiting for the ticket thing because the queue was too long and he just asked someone to check a random pair in DS2s size which explains why we ended up with trainers @solitudehiker

He's impatient and lazy and he knows he can afford to be because you'll sort it out and there's absolutely no consequences for him.

Who cares who's playing football, he messed up and should be fixing it.

I'd really be tempted to send DC in the trainers and et DH deal with the consequences. Yeah I get that you will be dealing with the meltdown but how else is dh ever going to learn to be a responsible and useful adult/parent if he's not given the opportunity to have to deal with the consequences of his laziness?

God the bar is low.

You are right to be annoyed but this is what Amazon prime is for. You'd have them tomorrow without leaving the house (you can order two sizes and put one back if unsure).

I wouldn't pay Clarks prices to go through shoes at this speed. It's just not worth it. They were the least hard wearing mine had. My daughter is into the second year of a pair of startrite and they still look like new. She does have a pair of geox (which stood up well to my son) but their sizes were a bit big so she's sticking with last year's a little longer.

Edited to say adding my husband to the Amazon account was the best thing I did. He won't go shopping but I'll now find him saying 'I've ordered DD new socks as hers are worn out'.

Take the flapping shes back with you. If hes the same size they will change for free regardless of how long hes had them. I had to take my sons back and thought id have to pay as was out of time frame.

Although, After changing 3 times I gave up and went somewhere else. As clearly a defect. But at least I didn't pay for a new pair.

He can come back in the morning and sort it out. There will be a shoe shop open. I suppose you’re laughing because you think it’s funny, it really isn’t , you must find him hilarious to have had 5 kids.

It doesn't sound like he does much actual parenting OP. He's being so unfair to you and the children.

To be fair, depending on what size your DS is, Clark’s isn’t actually great on school shoes for smaller children and do mostly offer trainers.

...he does do loads with the kids when he’s here like bath and bedtime and takes them football and swimming but yeah I do end up being the one who sorts the boring life admin stuff....

He does the fun stuff while you parent. Sorry OP, don't want to pile on but seriously.....this is ridiculous. I'm trying to be sympathetic but it's hard. You are enabling piss poor behaviour.

Ok he didnt realise- but what has he done since to rectify the mistake? Why hasn't he offered to take the child to Clark's and get the shoes exchanged? He has basically said, this is all I can do and is off enjoying with friends. That is just mad.

It would matter to me actually. If my husband didn't work and I was out of the house from 6am-5pm with a planned event at the weekend and he dropped it on me that I needed to schlep to town to get school shoes before I go out I would not be thrilled to say the least.
IF OP isn't working, even with minimal age gaps a good few of the children (she presumably) chose to have will be in school meaning she has time during the day to get new shoes (in the size she bought previously as they have fallen apart rather than been outgrown). The husband, due to the fact he is working does not have this time.
Everything doesn't have to be a battle to prove all men are out to shaft their wives.
As it stands OP hasn't mentioned whether or not she works, for all I know she could be doing a 40 hour week - but her answer to this question does affect my opinion on the situation 🤷‍♀️

I love your laugh emojis. ♥️

He does know, presumably he has eyes and a brain and knows the difference between shoes and trainers. He just couldn't be bothered so did the fastest thing to get rid of the chore, and left his wife to sort it out while looking after 5 kids so he could spend two full days watching football like a single man. Sounds like a diamond.

It's called 'denial'. It's probably laugh or cry tbh.