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Original poster

DH kicked off because XH attended deceased DMs home before funeral

312 replies

Over40andNotalotofpatienceleft · 26/09/2025 22:13

Not sure if title makes sense to be honest. But here goes.
I’m really struggling with the recent loss of my DM.
DM was v poorly and kept it to herself, this was normal she never wanted to be a burden or bother (she was neither). Admitted to hospital and died the next day.

I buried my DM 3 days ago. DP has just tore strips off me because my XH attended my DMs house before her funeral. Id just like to add that I had been with XH for twenty years we have 3 DCs, we are amicable and he has remained friends with DB since our split, DB also lived with DM so XH visited regularly and spent a lot of time at DMs house.

I had arranged for family to meet at DMs prior to funeral and follow funeral car to chapel of rest. XH was invited to come to DMs home by DB.

DP is angry, he wouldn’t come in to DMs home prior to funeral. I tried to convince him to come in but he insisted he was more comfortable outside. I respected his decision & tried not to make a big thing of it. The day passed as a bit of a blur to be honest. Today DH said he was made to feel uncomfortable as XH should not have been at DM/DB home and I should’ve banned him.
I’ve told DH he is being ridiculous as it wasn’t my call and XH being there was irrelevant. I also said that regardless of who was there he should’ve sucked it up and been there for me instead of waiting outside and then throwing it in my face at the first opportunity.
I’m absolutely broken. My DM was 66 and we should not have been laying her to rest but he is adamant that I’ve disrespected him and shown him that he is not a priority by allowing XH in to DMs home when it should’ve been just family.
I'm not sure if I'm losing my mind, but am I wrong to expect him to not be a dick right now or was I unreasonable and completely dropped the ball?

OP posts:
meandmygirlstogether · 27/09/2025 08:24

He is a vile arsehole who has somehow managed to make the death of your beloved Mother all about him. Get rid with immediate effect.

EvieWonderSpaghettiHoops · 27/09/2025 08:24

Over40andNotalotofpatienceleft · 26/09/2025 22:33

We are not married, he is my partner / other half not husband, sorry if Ive used the wrong description.

Edited

In that case, get rid! He has shown you his true colours. You can do better.

BlueFlowerOwl · 27/09/2025 08:22

I’m too late to vote on this thread but I’m pleased to see it is 100% YANBU, as it should be.
So sorry for your loss OP 💐

BitOutOfPractice · 27/09/2025 08:20

I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum.

This would be a relationship ender for me. He is a just horrible.

I always think people who demand respect like this, and have hissy fit when they feel disrespected, are the people who deserve respect the least.

MikeRafone · 27/09/2025 08:15

I'd be telling him to fuck off fast and not come back until he can learn empathy, kindness, humility and some respect for others who are grieving their mother - instead of being a self centred narcissistic like twat on the day of my mothers funeral. The whole world doesn't revolve round him, he isn't 2 years old

Lotsofsnacks · 27/09/2025 08:14

Get rid, it’s just going to get worse when there’s graduations, kids weddings etc etc. now all your memories of what such have been a peaceful send off for your mum, is going to be a man child kicking off, instead of sucking it up and supporting you when you really needed it. To be honest there was no sucking it up needing to be done; you and ex are amicable, it’s worrying hes got such a big problem with it - don’t let him spoil this nice relationship you have you your ex, for your kids sakes.

Lighteningstrikes · 27/09/2025 08:14

I’m so sorry for your sad loss 💓💐

What your DP did to you is unforgivable.

LittleMG · 27/09/2025 08:13

Oh Op I’m so sorry for you. I lost my mum almost a year ago, her funeral was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life I can’t bet the person who’s supposed to have your corner is treating so badly. This is so out of order. Sending love and strength to you

ilovemydogandmrobama2 · 27/09/2025 08:11

No of course you aren't being unreasonable.

The funeral of your mother means people put away petty jealousies for the sake of their partner, their families etc.

That your partner was unable to do this shows a shocking level of immaturity where he made something about you and your grief about his ego.

Maybe he felt insecure, maybe he felt self conscious being in the same setting as your ex DH who obviously gets along with your family and continues to do so, but for him to put his feelings front and centre is outrageous.

More to the point, if he is unable to help you through the grieving process and support you, maybe it's time for a bit of space.

Auroraloves · 27/09/2025 08:10

I’m so sorry for your loss. The only unreasonable person here is partner, hope son to be XP

MrsDoubtfire1 · 27/09/2025 08:09

Current husband, partner, whatever - you need to lay into him. He must be glad he is not married to me or else I would have really torn a strip off him and he would be sulking in the corner. Who is this man child you have saddled yourself with? Can you see yourself spending the rest of your natural attached to this 'garden shed' ? He needs to go.

ZenNudist · 27/09/2025 08:08

Thank goodness you are not married

Dump!

Bloozie · 27/09/2025 08:07

I am so sorry for your loss. Your partner is behaving abysmally and it’s the last thing you need right now.

We are going out for the day with my ex-husband and his new partner today. My husband likes both of them and understands that they are part of the family. He’s also man enough to know that he’s the centre of my world now and spending a few hours with the father of my child isn’t going to change that. Not all men have such fragile egos.

whatasillygoose · 27/09/2025 08:05

Your partner is a pathetic and selfish pig. He’s made your mother’s funeral all about him and is trying to make you feel guilty about it.

Personally, if he won’t STFU about it and apologise. I’m not sure I’d forgive him.

Lampzade · 27/09/2025 08:02

FourCatMama · 27/09/2025 07:28

What about when your children have sports/academic activities, weddings, christenings of grandchildren???? Will he expect you to tell ex not to come? You are co-parenting either your ex. He needs to suck it up. Really you do and get rid of him!!!

I'm so sorry about your mama. I lost mine seven years ago and still miss her on a daily basis.

Exactly
At the wedding of your dcs . Will your dickhead of a partner insist that your exh doesn’t sit next to you at the high table?
The possibilities for your partner to behave like an asshole are endless

AgnesX · 27/09/2025 08:00

Is he always such a self absorbed prick? What a thing to do in what is unarguably one of the worst days of most people's life.

I hope he has the decency to apologise at the least.

Seeingadistance · 27/09/2025 07:58

GCAcademic · 26/09/2025 22:21

That would be the end of the relationship for me. At one of the most difficult times of your life he has chosen (because it is an active choice) not to support you but to tear strips off you.

Exactly this.

Shocking behaviour. LTB!

dizzydizzydizzy · 27/09/2025 07:57

I wholeheartedly agree with what you said to your DH.

RobertJohnsonsShoes · 27/09/2025 07:56

what a putrid little man. They say don’t make decisions while you’re grieving but this is an exception. LTB and grieve in peace.

Lampzade · 27/09/2025 07:55

The relationship would definitely be over for me.
His behaviour is unforgivable

Barney16 · 27/09/2025 07:53

If my partner did that he would be a partner no more. He should have been supporting you not throwing some hissy fit because he's a big baby.

ArtichokesBloom · 27/09/2025 07:52

So sorry for your loss. You must feel overwhelmed but please get rid of him. His behaviour is vile. The day should have been all about supporting you not pandering to him. This man will never be able to be trusted to give you support when needed. You'll never forget this or trust him fully ever again.

Daleksatemyshed · 27/09/2025 07:52

Over a 1000 people think you're not unreasonable, I've never seen so many on a thread all in agreement.i'm sorry for the loss of your DM and that your partner is being a jealous, childish twat

georgiegold · 27/09/2025 07:49

So sorry for your loss.

I know on this app, people love to tell others to end relationships, I won’t say that but what I will say is I’m happy for you, for the fact that you aren’t married to him. If I were you, I would take this as a sign of things to come and make my great escape. You deserve better. In a time of experiencing what can be described as one of the most painful times in a persons life, you shouldn’t have had to spend any time dealing with a sulky manchild. He should have put his feelings to the side and prioritised you and your kids.

ClassActlaptop · 27/09/2025 07:46

Namenamchange · 26/09/2025 22:52

I can just imagine him sulking outside, while you desperately try to convince him to come in. This was you mums funeral, if he can the a decent, caring and loving partner then, then he’s not worth having. I’d leave him, put your children first.

I can actually see it!!