DH kicked off because XH attended deceased DMs home before funeral

Firstly, I am very sorry about your DM's death.
I can't believe your DP had an issue, is he usually such a selfish prick?
Thats unforgivable.

He is a twat.

Your XH has every right to go to the funeral or house.

If he felt uncomfortable, that is what it is, but adults suck it up in these situations. Funerals are places where families come together and often even estranged ones, it is common for people to be uncomfortable.

I do wonder - does your partner come from a family where funerals are only very private? That seems more common than it used to be. It might to some extent account for his reaction.

So sorry to hear about your DM OP.

I cannot believe your DP is acting like that! Maybe not right away but I would seriously be reassessing the relationship. He is beyond dreadful.

This.
With bells on.

What an awful person he is. There is no way I could get past this.

That 1% must have accidentally pressed the wrong vote button.
so sorry you’re dealing with this.
sending love.

...shown him that he is not a priority by allowing XH in to DMs home when it should’ve been just family.

It was just family. XH is the father of your mum's grandchildren, as a pp has pointed out.
Your partner is the one who isn't family if we go by the strict definition. You're not married, you don't have children together.

I'm very sorry for your loss
He's a selfish twat surround yourself with people that really care about you now

Don't know who the person is who voted YABU, but they should be ashamed of themselves.

Listen to the majority.
You deserve better. And I'm so sorry for your loss x

What an appalling display, making the day about him ☹️.
My condolences to you and your family 💐.

As your mother was only 66 and you were with your ex for 20 years, I'm guessing you are in your 40s at the oldest, and your children are still children, so it's great for them that you have an amicable relationship. Your family obviously still consider him part of the family, and it was perfectly acceptable for him to be there at your mum's funeral.
Are you married to your partner, because you call him DH and DP? Presumably you haven't been with him that long, but he doesn't seem mature enough to understand that your ex will continue to be part of your wider family.

This is my most emphatic LTB, just leave. He has no empathy for you whatsoever.

He is disgusting. I don't know how you can come back from this. Your Mum's funeral and all he cared about was some petty jealously?! He should have been there for you, but all he cared about was himself.

Get rid.

I can just imagine him sulking outside, while you desperately try to convince him to come in. This was you mums funeral, if he can the a decent, caring and loving partner then, then he’s not worth having. I’d leave him, put your children first.

You will never get a chance to re-do the day of your mother's funeral. No matter what he says now, no matter how contrite he is - he has taken that day from you forever - the day you said goodbye to her. I would never speak to him again.

I’m shocked at what I’m reading. He is behaving appallingly to you!

It may not be the right time immediately but you need to really reconsider the relationship. You don’t treat someone you love in this way and especially not when they are newly bereaved.

My partners ex was invited by my partner to MIL’s funeral as they were a big part of each others lives for a long time. I would have found it more strange for partners ex to NOT pay respects. This is how normal adults behave. Teenagers squabble over ex’s, adults respect people have had a life before (and after) them.

He’s saying that you’ve disrespected him?! Wtf? If there’s been any disrespect - and there has been - it’s his, of you after suddenly losing your mum.

Sometimes people make hard decisions so much easier. When you think back on this week every anniversary of your poor mum’s funeral, is this is the really shitty thing you’ll want to remember or your excellent decision to fuck this cunt into touch?

I'm so sorry for your loss @Over40andNotalotofpatienceleft

I am glad to hear that you haven't married this awful man. His behaviour is totally unacceptable. He has shown you who he really is, a narcissistic loser whose insecurities caused him to fail to support you during a terrible time.

He is not your "other half" - he barely even likes you. He is only in the relationship for his own benefit and does not care about your wellbeing. You need him out of your life. You must get him out of your kids' lives. Get him gone.

He needs to grow up and stop being so selfish and insecure.

Your DP/DH was disrespectful to you and your family

‘No, you weren’t my priority on the day of my mother’s funeral, and the fact that you expected to be shows me that you’re not a suitable partner for me.’ Does he expect priority over your children, too?

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum 💐

Frankly, if your partner cannot behave like a grown up and support you during the most difficult times in your life, he's not the person you should be with. Whatever his feelings about your ex-husband, he should be able to be polite and adult enough to put those feelings aside.

He has shown you who he really is - believe him. You'd be better off without him.

I could not forgive this level of selfishness, what a wanker. I am so so sorry for your loss. You have done nothing wrong and please don’t let him make you believe that you have. I’m angry for you, such a prick x

You tell him he should be supporting you and not expecting you to police your brother’s friends
Add he’s let you down and disappointed you. His behaviour has also caused you to loose respect for him

Get rid. Don’t even think twice about it.

XH is the father of DM 3 grandchildren. DH needs to stop behaving like a 16 year old.