To wonder what women mean when they say they want their bf/husband to be 'dominant' and 'take the lead'?

55 replies

TheKingOfTheCats · 26/09/2025 21:39

I'm not talking about odd online tradwife stuff or strictly religious people who think wives should submit.

It's more that, while I'm not dating myself atm (& mainly date women) I'm interested in relationship dynamics generally & on SM & a lot of online dating advice (for m/f couples) I notice a lot of women saying they want a 'dominant' male partner who will 'take the lead'. Also some saying that men these days aren't dominant enough.

Don't look at male views so much, though quite a few do cite submissiveness as being attractive.

IRL I'm at uni atm & most of my friends w bfs don't seem to make a huge thing of this. They may like outward trappings like the boy being the one to ask out or organise dates, but generally don't seem to have an overall 'leader'.

What do people think?

Part of me thinks that a lot of it is US dynamics (a lot of it is US), as they seem to be more into gender roles there, and there may be crossover with the trad stuff.

I also think that a lot of women may understandably want the man to take more of a lead in the courtship stage to prove he's willing to commit & provide esp if she wants children and may be potentially vulnerable then.

I suppose I'm more thinking about women who feel to the need to be 'led' by a 'dominant man' well into an established relationship. It seems a bit depressingly antifeminist to me - after all, wasn't equal rights all about leaving behind retrograde ideas about the man being head of the household and the wife being submissive & obedient?

On here, I've often noticed women complain about 'DH not taking lead', but it seems generally to be a complaint about husbands who require their wives to organise & initiate everything, rather than wanting the husband to generally be the 'leader'.

OP posts:

GoodTimesNoodleSalad · 26/09/2025 22:01

Everyone’s different. People want what they want. Not everyone cares about feminism, or whether it’s anti-feminist - people live their lives to please themselves, no one else.

Devilsmommy · 26/09/2025 21:58

Changingplace · 26/09/2025 21:50

I think most women I know would just like a man to take on equal responsibilities, too often women seem to to all the planning, organising, sorting out life stuff and men seem to sail along expecting everything to be done for them.

I don’t know any woman who wants/needs a man to take the lead, women just want an equal partner, and so often men aren’t actually that, they create more work and that’s just exhausting.

This sums it up perfectly. It's nice to know your partner is just as able to step up and handle shit as you.are, because we all know women kick ass at it all😎

BlueJuniper94 · 26/09/2025 21:55

I think women might often mean they want someone who lives a varied and sociable life and will bring them along as part of that, not passive and expecting the woman to do all the decision making and planning. And sexually too, obviously many women would rather be in the passenger than the drivers seat.

Changingplace · 26/09/2025 21:50

I don’t know any woman who wants/needs a man to take the lead, women just want an equal partner, and so often men aren’t actually that, they create more work and that’s just exhausting.

PermanentTemporary · 26/09/2025 21:45

We must be reading different things as I don’t see this specifically. Not that it means it’s not out there.

Although I’ve seen threads here where women state that unless a man pays for the first date, they’re not interested. I’m allergic to that sort of dynamic and would always choose a non-financial early date so it amazes me when people say it.

I do wonder if you’re right that it’s more common in the US: there seems to be more more overt keenness on restricted gender roles there.

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