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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No kids on our rare girls day

33 replies

LemonBellyy · 26/09/2025 16:36

My friends and I are in our 30s, the 3 of them have children, I don’t.

One of my friends has been on a health and fitness journey and it’s her goal this year to complete a 10 mile walk, she expressed she was disappointed she hadn’t found time to complete it as she’s a busy working mum and now the weather is turning so I said let’s arrange something, and we have. We invited my other 2 friends, one can’t make the date and the other said she wanted to come, she’s eager to get out the house more, but it’s a weekday so she doesn’t have childcare for her 15 month old so asked if she could bring him.

I checked with the original friend who agreed that we wanted this as a no kids thing so I replied and explained why, I sent her the route, there’s no toilets, it’s steep in places, not buggy friendly but she said she’d be fine putting him in her carrier and he loves being out for walks. I didn’t reply while I was at work and she seemed to sense our reluctance as was a bit upset and said she wouldn’t make her child our problem.

Is it unreasonable to stick to our guns? Because ultimately listening to a crying baby, stopping for frequent snack breaks etc will become our problem. We do lots of kid friendly activities as a group and wanted this one thing to be child free. But I know being a mum is tough and she would love to spend the time with us so I’m torn.

AIBU?

OP posts:
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babysister2 · 26/09/2025 19:39

You sound like a lovely friend OP, sensitive to both your one friend's fitness journey and your other friend's loneliness / childcare issues. You are right in this instance though that a ten mile walk is definitely not toddler friendly! Would it be possible for her to meet you afterwards for a celebratory coffee and cake?

TomatoSandwiches · 26/09/2025 18:50

This is about your friends fitness journey, so it should be about her primarily, if a toddler goes even on his mother's back her pace and the childs needs will dictate the day, do no, she shouldn't expect to come with her toddler, it's actually quite selfish of her to expect that.

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 26/09/2025 18:47

The priority here is your friend achieving a ten mile walk. Taking a baby along is unlikely to be without implications.

spoonbillstretford · 26/09/2025 18:46

She's nuts to take a toddler on a ten mile walk.

KookyRoseCrab · 26/09/2025 18:46

No kids end off it’s adults time and she can take it or leave it

Original poster
LemonBellyy · 26/09/2025 18:44

Deepbluesea1 · 26/09/2025 16:49

I think it's a bit shitty to exclude her simply because she doesn't have childcare. I understand why you want to keep it child free but I wouldn't do it treat my friends that way and just include her. Its a toddler FFS and not such a big issue.

Just to be clear it’s not like this is the only day she doesn’t have childcare, we would have rearranged to any weekday that week but she’s never available child free on weekdays because her husband works. She’s only free on the occasional weekends when she isn’t doing stuff with her kids and some weekday evenings. It’s not that easy to find a date to suit everyone.

OP posts:
DublinLaLaLa · 26/09/2025 18:15

Deepbluesea1 · 26/09/2025 16:49

I think it's a bit shitty to exclude her simply because she doesn't have childcare. I understand why you want to keep it child free but I wouldn't do it treat my friends that way and just include her. Its a toddler FFS and not such a big issue.

A 10 mile walk with a toddler IS a big deal! My pet peeve is people who seem to think their kids can join any activity. I feel the same about dogs. And I have both. Sometimes kids can’t come because I want to swear, talk sh*t about stuff and not have to censor myself! And I think that’s fine!

Original poster
LemonBellyy · 26/09/2025 18:14

Undethetree · 26/09/2025 18:11

This. I have 3 kids. I'm strong, I could have carried them for 10 miles but not one of them would've sat in a carrier for that distance. Not even close.

It would feel more inclusive if you could rearrange for a weekend if that means she can come but I'm guessing there's a reason it has to be a weekday. YANBU.

Edited
Show quote history

Yeah unfortunately when arranging a weekend date for our Halloween thing in October we’ve already concluded we don’t have one when we are all free. My friend and I had work holiday to use up so that’s why we went for a weekday. I wish we could find a date for everyone but if we continue to push it back until everyone is free it will never happen.

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 26/09/2025 18:14

A ten mile walk with a toddler will take you three days

coxesorangepippin · 26/09/2025 18:13

Do not give in

Undethetree · 26/09/2025 18:11

BauhausOfEliott · 26/09/2025 18:01

YANBU. A 15-month-old kid in a carrier is going to make a ten-mile walk stressful for everyone. Ten miles with steep ground is going to take about three and a half to four hours. The kid is not going to sit quietly in his carrier for that long; he’ll need changing, he’ll need drinks and snacks, he’ll be fidgeting and wanting to run about. Everything will have to revolve around him and his presence will monopolise everyone’s attention.

This. I have 3 kids. I'm strong, I could have carried them for 10 miles but not one of them would've sat in a carrier for that distance. Not even close.

It would feel more inclusive if you could rearrange for a weekend if that means she can come but I'm guessing there's a reason it has to be a weekday. YANBU.

BauhausOfEliott · 26/09/2025 18:01

YANBU. A 15-month-old kid in a carrier is going to make a ten-mile walk stressful for everyone. Ten miles with steep ground is going to take about three and a half to four hours. The kid is not going to sit quietly in his carrier for that long; he’ll need changing, he’ll need drinks and snacks, he’ll be fidgeting and wanting to run about. Everything will have to revolve around him and his presence will monopolise everyone’s attention.

Original poster
LemonBellyy · 26/09/2025 18:00

Thanks for all the replies, I don’t think she is trying to be rude. I think she’s a bit lonely as she’s a stay at home mum and I know most of the friends she made at mum and baby classes have gone back to work now. We already have plans with the children in October for Halloween and of course I’ll suggest to her other times we could meet too but I’m glad most people think I’m not being unreasonable. It’s not my intention to hurt her feelings at all, but equally I want to focus on my other friend and achieving her goal without the distraction of children.

and yes a 10 mile walk with a child on your back seems crazy to me too!

OP posts:
PullTheBricksDown · 26/09/2025 17:46

It's fine to have child free outings. How about saying you could all meet at the end for a coffee / smoothie as a compromise?

Anywherebuthere · 26/09/2025 17:46

I'm a parent and I agree with you. As adorable as kids can be, there is a time and a place for them. They don't need to be everywhere.

The vibe will be different with a child no matter what solution your friend will come up with. It's not mean or unkind to try to keep it child-free. As long as you don't communicate it in such a way.

Perhaps arrange to meet up with that friend another time.

Baggyit · 26/09/2025 17:42

Yanbu.
I have children and wouldn't have dreamt of asking to join a child free outing.

Rude IMO.

ShamrockShenanigans · 26/09/2025 17:42

SparklyCardigan · 26/09/2025 16:46

I think you're being mean sorry and I say that as a child free person. It's a walk, not a night out at a cocktail bar. If she's willing to bring him in the carrier that's up to her.

Edited

It's not up to her, that's the whole point.

It's very likely to change things with a toddler included and that's not what the others want.

Squirrelblanket · 26/09/2025 17:36

A ten mile walk with a toddler sounds absolutely batshit. I think you did the right thing.

CatherineDoll · 26/09/2025 17:36

SparklyCardigan · 26/09/2025 16:46

I think you're being mean sorry and I say that as a child free person. It's a walk, not a night out at a cocktail bar. If she's willing to bring him in the carrier that's up to her.

Edited

@SparklyCardigan

its a child free thing. Adults are totally allowed to stuff without children from time to time.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 26/09/2025 17:33

Suggest to your friend that she buys one of these (see photo), and drops off 15 month at a doggy daycare centre and joins the walk.

No kids on our rare girls day
GeorgeClooneyshouldhavemarriedme · 26/09/2025 17:32

EmpressaurusKitty · 26/09/2025 17:18

Apart from anything else, wouldn’t carrying a toddler for miles be really tough, even in a carrier?

Totally.

I can't even understand why she wants to go. It's a 10 mile hike, not exactly a baby friendly activity.

MoominMai · 26/09/2025 17:29

YANBU. I don’t have kids but when I was in my 30s and child free, I supported my best friend with her two girls constantly and regularly had meals out with her and her two little girls as that’s what she wanted though she had round the clock child care from her retired parents. I never minded as me and her girls had a lovely bond. When I went to hers obviously the kids were always there too vying for attention which is fine and I loved seeing them grow up. I then said for my fitness journey and well being, I wanted to play badminton and she said she’d book a court for her two girls (3 and 5) alongside us. I declined. Sometimes she just need to have only adult company and really focus on that activity only to get the most benefit out of it and it doesn’t make you a bad person. BTW she never did this with any other friends only me.

A few years ago we reconnected and I mentioned would be nice to go for a spa day and just chill and chat afterwards at a nice bar or some such. She immediately asked if she could bring her now 19 year old daughter too! And she had no intention of going just with me. Didn’t make me feel particularly valued as whenever she needed one to one adult conversation about various issues in her life and turned up at my home interestingly kids were never in tow then.

EmpressaurusKitty · 26/09/2025 17:18

Apart from anything else, wouldn’t carrying a toddler for miles be really tough, even in a carrier?

TartanMammy · 26/09/2025 17:18

'ah that's a shame you can't make it, next we'll do something where little Dave can tag along.'

CafeDuck · 26/09/2025 17:18

YANBU. She’s not got childcare so stays at home. There will be other times she can come.