Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sexual talk on a first date

32 replies

Sunshine386 · 26/09/2025 08:20

Recently I went on a first date with a bloke from a paid dating app, both our profiles indicate we're looking for a long term relationship, in our 30s.

On the date he mentioned several times he is a "sexual person". When I asked if he does sport/goes to the gym he says no because he gets exercise though sex.

He didn't try anything with me, we just had a drink and food.

I am not a prude and think sex is important in a relationship but I found myself feeling uncomfortable with this line of talk on a first date, or generally at all before anything sexual has happened. What do you think?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
aperollingintotheweekend · 26/09/2025 11:04

Sex is my exercise? WTF. Will be his first excuse to cheat if he feels he doesn’t get enough..

BankfieldForever · 26/09/2025 10:55

If you’re not up for (probably rough and prolonged) sex as a condition of every single meeting with him from now on, and for him to also continue to be getting it elsewhere I’d not see him again, OP.

IAmThePrettiestManOnMyIsland · 26/09/2025 10:50

Yeah, No. Just No.

museumum · 26/09/2025 10:47

The most important thing is now how much or how little sex or how soon you want it, but that you match with your partner.
If you don't think about sex a lot and consider it very very important then he's not the person for you.

BadgernTheGarden · 26/09/2025 10:46

Unless sex is the only thing you are interested in he's not for you!

DefinitelyNotMaybe · 26/09/2025 10:43

Thank you, next.

Mistyglade · 26/09/2025 10:40

Gross. He’s thinking about sex all day long and I bet it’s not the loving type.

usedtobeaylis · 26/09/2025 10:22

It would put me off. Don't ignore that discomfort.

MrsSkylerWhite · 26/09/2025 10:19

Oh good god no, throw it back.

User37482 · 26/09/2025 10:18

Oh god no would be a “no thank you” from me. It’s weird tbh, I doubt he’s getting many second dates.

Tigerthatcametobrunch · 26/09/2025 10:13

Are you sure he wasn't a 22 year old in disguise 🥸

TwistedWonder · 26/09/2025 10:07

Not wanting to discuss how much you love shagging with what is basically a stranger the first time you meet has no bearing on how high your sex drive is, whether you’ll be very sexual in a relationship or if you’ll be sleeping together within a few dates.
Everyone goes on dates hoping for a sexual spark, it doesn't mean someone banging on about it on first date won’t be offputting even for someone with a high sex drive. It just gives the impression that’s all they’re interested in

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 26/09/2025 09:54

That would be a massive ick for me and there would be no second date. Trust your gut.

MathsMum3 · 26/09/2025 09:52

At best, I would say he's trying to warn you that he has a very high sex drive and be prepared for that moving forwards. If that's ok with you, fine, carry on with the relationship knowing there must be a lot of sex. If not, ditch him now.

Newfigtree · 26/09/2025 09:37

Nothing wrong with wanting to find someone whose desire for frequent sex matches your own.
He didn’t want to waste your time or his own and was being upfront from the start.
You’re not compatible. Move on.

AmpleLilacQuail · 26/09/2025 09:31

Sunshine386 · 26/09/2025 08:38

It wasn't constant or the only thing he spoke about, he did say it a couple of times though. It did cross my mind if he's a sex addict or something! In my experience mentioning it at all is strange

He said it to give him an excuse for being a creep openly. Men obviously want sex but the majority don’t need to be so sexual with strangers.

SomethingFun · 26/09/2025 09:16

Well not to stereotype but most men in their 30s want to be having sex so it’s hardly necessary to state it and would make me assume he is either pretty socially inadequate because he’s unaware of inappropriate conversation or he’s testing your boundaries from the off so when you don’t want to have sex in the future he can whine and moan because he told you it was very important to him right from the off, so you should let him have sex on you whenever he wants.

Original poster
Sunshine386 · 26/09/2025 08:38

It wasn't constant or the only thing he spoke about, he did say it a couple of times though. It did cross my mind if he's a sex addict or something! In my experience mentioning it at all is strange

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 26/09/2025 08:35

It's helpful for people to be themselves on a first date then you know from the off if you're into them or not. You don't have to adjust your tastes even if some other people do like sexual talk on a first date. That doesn't make you a prude or him a perv. It makes you incompatible. Makes it an easy no and you can find someone less sex-obsessed and he can keep on with his approach till some woman finds it irresistible.

TheRealGoose · 26/09/2025 08:30

I think men and women view this differently. I’m female. But have a make friend who is divorced and on line dating, they do not see wanting a long term relationship and wanting sex as mutually exclusive as the responses would indicate. Wanting sex, sex fast, indicating it’s important to them, doesn’t mean to them they want a one night stand, for many men they can want sex and also want a long term relationship

vodkaredbullgirl · 26/09/2025 08:30

It's a NO NO on a 1st date, no 2nd date.

Viviennemary · 26/09/2025 08:28

Run for the hills. He sounds an absolute perv.

AmpleLilacQuail · 26/09/2025 08:27

Ick, no. Next one please.

Peteryourhorseisheree · 26/09/2025 08:27

Ugh, no thanks. At least he was up front about it though. I’d have just left to be honest.

Mischance · 26/09/2025 08:26

I think that if his behaviour/talk made you feel sufficiently uncomfortable to want to come on here and ask about it, then you need to not have a second date with him.