To think that on average women ARE less keen on casual sex? (NB. I have no objections to casual sex if ethical)

Yes this is the perfect balance, sex with feelings and friendship but that’s it, the men I’ve met want that too rather than the cold hookup. Although they have spoken about doing that with other women so it might depend on who they meet.

I don’t think women are less keen with the right person, probably the opposite, but they are probably more fussy, but that little fanny flutter can take you down the yellow brick road!

Safety has already been mentioned, but that risk can apply to long term partners as well.

There are also historical overhangs, name calling, being told that “naice” girls don’t, and of course pregnancy.

Interestingly, there has been an assumption throughout this thread that all women are heterosexual, which isn’t quite reality.

I think in general you are probably right statistically but you have to control for the social influences on women. It used to be frowned upon for women to have casual sexual relationships and while thats no longer true there’s a very significant hangover from those days in terms of social mores.

Its quite hard to separate out innate approaches to sex from culturally influenced ones.

I think women don't necessarily always want a forever marriage-and-kids relationship, but for any given level of encounter, women tend to want something a bit more connected.

e.g. FWB rather than a hookup, or if it's a hookup then it's have a glass of wine and some conversation first rather than some literal complete random behind some bushes. One FWB arrangement at a time rather than different people picked up at the club every few nights. etc.

I don't think it's a negative thing to "catch feelings" nor is it a point of pride to be able to have sex without feeling at least some fondness for the person. I think feelings-shaming is worse than slut-shaming.

Well that very much depends on the individual I had several one night' stands when single
And I usually ended up getting hurt as I fell for them.

I am very happily single and have been for a very long time, but do enjoy the odd ONS. I do it less than I used to because of safety reasons. I can completely separate feelings from sex and just use the experience for my own ends, as it were.

Agreed its different an we call it 'sex drive' yet what is this? If we peel back mens behaviour what sits behind it? Some men would like us to think its biological and innate, (not 'their fault'!). But the men I know who are more self assured/less ego driven/self aware dont behave like this (in general). Patriarchy allows men to behave poorly and abuse women, this is just another way they do it. Nothing to do with sex drive really.

Yeah exactly...regardless of social norms and whatever, women would be grossed out by that, whereas a lot of men would think 'yeah, great'

I don't think it's a question of empathy...I think women just don't have the same urge in the same way. Because even in consensual situations we don't behave in the same way - knowing gay male friends I have had, all the issues of sex parties and saunas and chem sex. I and my female friends don't ever think 'oh I would love to visit a sex worker but I know it's immoral'.

Obviously women still have a sex drive, and can still enjoy casual sex, but I think with men it's different.

Since I turned 40 I’ve been having casual sex with men of various ages, after being in relationships a lot of my life.
It’s surprised me. I’m good at deciding not to open my heart and just enjoy the sex and company and fun. And it’s been the men who want to turn it into something more and them who have got feelings.
Not disproving the fact that men more than women like casual sex, but it’s not black and white. Thoughout my life I’ve found men get very attached from sex

Agreed. Imagine how successful a male Bonnie Blue would be.…. He’d be very lucky to get even one woman willing to shag for free whilst being filmed and posted online, let alone 1,000!

I think the risk v reward is so different for men and women. Men and women obviously both risk STIs and unwanted pregnancy but women also might worry about rape or being physically attacked, are much more affected by pregnancy obviously and of course slut shaming/reputation. Women also statistically less likely to orgasm. So I think it’s not surprising women want casual sex less as there’s less potential benefit and way more potential downside. And all of the above is probably part of the reason why many women want an emotional connection to have sex - so they can feel safe and more likely to feel comfortable/have good communication which makes orgasm more likely.

I'd have to sit down with a pen and paper to list the casual partners I had between 19 and 21.

Those were the days!

It’s a personal thing rather than gender
but because a woman would be judged more than a man
women would ether deny it or keep quiet

Yes I was thinking about this too. Gay men's saunas...the fact that sex workers of both sexes pretty much exclusively cater to men (even the ones that do cater to women are more of the 'boyfriend experience' type)...no woman I know would ever have the urge (regardless of morality) to go to a Soho walk-up for 10 minutes. I don't think it's a case of safety or societal pressures, I think it is different.

Male violence is a massive factor I think, its not easy to feel that safe with a ONS. Ive had a lot of ONS when I was young, but often when fairly drunk so not thinking about the safety element. I think men who like ONSs are often after an ego hit, whereas women are less fragile and needy in that way.

I'm 52 and that pretty much sums it up for me.

Also- over the decades I have been having sex I tend to not find alot of men attractive enough to want to have sex with. Maybe I am choosy, maybe not particularly sexual. (Although I love sex with people I like/am attracted to).

I'd rather have sex on my own than have sex with a random man I met on a night out. I just don't find most men that interesting, tbh.

YANBU. Men and women definitely have different attitudes to sex, on average. I just look at things like the Gisele Pelicot case, where her husband drugged her and got, what, 100 men to participate in abusing her? How many women would have done the same if the situation were reversed?

I don't even mean it in a solely negative way, like my example - it just seems, from my experience, to be a much more primal and constant urge for men, in a way that it's not for women.

the LG community is a good window on male vs female sexuality. Gay men’s “saunas” are a popular thing. When a lesbian one opened it didnt last long.