You need a good F***ing

OP apologies if someone has already mentioned but remember you’re entitled to a carer’s assessment and if not one already, might be you need more support. Sorry this happened. Crude and rude.

You mention that she has no income but surely she is eligible for PIP? It’s an automatic approval when someone is terminally ill.

I didn't want to read and run - but I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're in this situation because it sounds so difficult to cope with. Remember that your life and your wellbeing are just as important as anyone else's. If this is the sort of 'thanks' you're getting, I hope you're able to take a step back and start putting yourself first. Please take that trip to the cinema and, if possible, try and take time out each day for yourself and to do things you'd like to do - I know that's easier said than done - but wishing you all the best.

I’m so sorry. Having cared for two parents I totally understand how hard it is.

You certainly need a break. You absolutely deserve a life.

At least look at some respite care for her. Or maybe some regular help to take the burden off you so you CAN go to the cinema and feel less trapped.

Have you been in touch with your local carers group? Your GP should be able to put you in touch. They often do online meet ups if getting out is hard. Some provide sitting services as well to help you take a break.

Also consider if you want to carry on caring for her if she hasn’t been the best Mum? Could you walk away? Is a care home an option?

Big hugs, it is hard.

I’m guessing you must often find yourself having communication difficulties with people, and scenarios where they’re getting really upset with you or cutting contact and you don’t understand why? It’s because you’re wildly and inappropriately missing the point and trampling boundaries when doing so.

Any inkling how abhorrent what you’ve said is? Assuming you must be a man.

I'm not in the UK so not sure how things actually work there, but why can't she go into full time care? I would not be putting up with being spoken to like that. Fortunately neither of my parents would have wanted me caring for them if they were terminally ill.

I think they’re probably men. Regardless they’re disgusting.

What's the financial situation?
Your trapped because your living in her house and you don't earn enough to leave ??? Is that the situation.
So you need to look for a house share , social services will have to take over the care of your mother..or without you there ,she will do more for herself
Your are probably co dependent on each other ..she fills your life where otherwise a husband and children would be ,,which you tell yourself is her fault you don't have a family ...but most likely you were scared of commitment and used caring for your mum as an excuse to not have a relationship, because it's hard for you to be close to anyone
Your mum was abandoned as a baby ,so cold and un loving as a mother , leaving you with attachment issues.
You need therapy to help you leave ..she needs social services to take over her care
You are as trapped as you allow yourself to be

So you think that's it's an appropriate thing for a mother to say to her daughter who is struggling to care for her very difficult mum?

I think what OP needs is some rest and some empathy.

It's a totally crass and inappropriate comment from her mum who obviously couldn't care less about her daughter's wellbeing and seems pretty ungrateful for the sacrifices that OP isi making.

Geez what a klutz.

Time to look in the mirror and say “I’ve done enough” and find other caring options for your mum. It’s your wake up call for getting your life back.

I haven’t read the whole thread, @Searchingforananswer2023 but that’s appalling. Gross. Icky. And coming from your own mum it must feel like a gut punch.
Christ I’m so very sorry.
You are in desperate need of respite care.
If you can’t qualify for any, find a nurse’s aide and pay her with your mother’s funds.
And don’t tell your mum - just let the aide introduce herself on the day of.
Voila - out of your hair.
❤️ sending love.

As always with Mumsnet, what you should expect is for some posters to colossally miss
the entire point. This is an example. Also, ironically given your post, the mum in this case is doing the opposite of pretending her daughter doesn’t have sex, her comment is clearly saying her daughter does not have sex.

It’s a great pity your Mother doesn’t know which side her breads buttered. What a disgusting heartless, cruel thing to say. Perhaps you need to ease back to protect yourself, no one should be putting up with this behaviour.

Thats not the issue and you know it. Its a crude, hostile, and reductive thing for this mother to say under these circumstances. Her dd is complaining that she has no time to herself, nothing that is not sacrificed to her mother. The right thing for the mother to say—and I am bith a mother and a daughter to an elderly mother—is “that sounds hard what would help?” Get a fuck is as stupid and rude as “try skydiving” as its not realistic or affordable given OP’s circumstances.

Have you looked into PIP allowance? This is for helping with costs to support care.

AA is only for pensioners.

She should be getting PIP.

So don't answer the phone!

Well, stop caring for her, then. She clearly doesn't appreciate everything you're doing for her. Fuck her, treating you like this. How dare she!

Do you have your own place to live?
BTW you can write "fuck" and "fucking" on here. You don't need asterisks.

I am so sorry. Hideous thing for your mum to have said.
I appreciate that respite per se won’t hit the spot, but for your own sanity get some breathing space. Contact Social Services and say you are at breaking point. (Actually, get the manager of the Elder Support Team in social services and say exactly what is going on and that you are at breaking point. Ask for a Carer’s Assessment, so that some small part of your needs are met.
You need to be on Social Services radar and you need support in getting your mother placed in suitable alternative care.
You deserve a life without the weight of this dragging you down. Definitely tell social services that you’re at breaking point.
(Have been a carer for forty years so I totally get where you are coming from )

Nothing, just don't expect mother's especially dying ones, to pretend their grown children don't have sex

I'm guessing your new half of people here don't have kids it's more a chatty site lol

My mum was cold and blunt, my aunty and gran are cold and blunt, my sisters are cold and blunt
. I’d say they’re all rude and lack compassion or empathy, and say horrible rude things. I of course am too sensitive. I hate being around them.
i don’t know your mum, we can become less inhibited as we age but if you say she was always like this then i feel you need to decide how much longer you can deal with this.
can you get carers in? Contact adult social care or age uk (whatever they’re called now), speak to GP etc and see if you can get support or consider care home. Don’t let it drag you down if it’s not fulfilling or bringing you any pleasure

Stop it! This is such a stupid and misogynistic thing to say. A fuck is not a cure all. Certainly its not useful advice. The implication of her mother’s hostile statement is that OP is a moody bitch who needs a good shag to get over herself. OP doesn’t need a man to “fix” her “mood problem” because she doesn’t have a mood problem. She has an overwork/burnout problem as a caregiver.

How dare you ally yourself with this absurdly misogynistic statement. Women have real problems in this world. Not being someone’s fuck toy isn’t one of them.