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AIBU?

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Original poster

You need a good F***ing

256 replies

Searchingforananswer2023 · 25/09/2025 21:47

Background: Work full time 60+ hours a week and care for mother who is terminally ill. I have no existence other than work and care. No family support - totally isolated with parent.

I wanted to go to the cinema this week end, for various reasons relating to caring for her I cannot go. I commented that it was ridiculous that I have no time for myself. I find the last few years of care, cooking, cleaning, working mentally draining. I expressed the need for stimulation outside of what is becoming imprisonment. Her response 'you need a good f*ing.'

I am lost for words. I have had to walk away and come to bed.

Can someone please console me. I am trapped in this situation.

OP posts:
Electricrhubarb · 25/09/2025 22:09

Electricrhubarb · 25/09/2025 22:04

Does she have dementia or some other cognitive or neurological condition, that could have caused her to say something so inappropriate?

I mean an underlying condition that hasn't been diagnosed.

Original poster
Searchingforananswer2023 · 25/09/2025 22:08

LuckyPeonies · 25/09/2025 22:06

As she is terminal, would she be eligible to move to a hospice facility?

Not yet, left to struggle at home

OP posts:
Anotherdayanotherpound · 25/09/2025 22:07

Searchingforananswer2023 · 25/09/2025 22:06

No and judging by some the responses that agree with her on here this seems to be socially acceptable to a few

Show quote history

No, OP, it definitely isn’t and suggests a major history of bizarre, unloving behaviour. I’m so sorry you’re in this position. It sounds awful

LuckyPeonies · 25/09/2025 22:06

As she is terminal, would she be eligible to move to a hospice facility?

Original poster
Searchingforananswer2023 · 25/09/2025 22:06

Electricrhubarb · 25/09/2025 22:04

Does she have dementia or some other cognitive or neurological condition, that could have caused her to say something so inappropriate?

No and judging by some the responses that agree with her on here this seems to be socially acceptable to a few

OP posts:
Electricrhubarb · 25/09/2025 22:04

Does she have dementia or some other cognitive or neurological condition, that could have caused her to say something so inappropriate?

Original poster
Searchingforananswer2023 · 25/09/2025 22:04

BMW6 · 25/09/2025 22:03

Walk away OP. I'm so sorry you are being abused like this.

Enough now.

Thank you. I have to investigate more support

OP posts:
BMW6 · 25/09/2025 22:03

InMyHealthyEra · 25/09/2025 22:02

You work 60 hours a week and care for your terminally ill mother?

Honestly she’s probably right.

That sounds incredibly stressful

WTF

BMW6 · 25/09/2025 22:03

Walk away OP. I'm so sorry you are being abused like this.

Enough now.

InMyHealthyEra · 25/09/2025 22:02

You work 60 hours a week and care for your terminally ill mother?

Honestly she’s probably right.

That sounds incredibly stressful

Original poster
Searchingforananswer2023 · 25/09/2025 22:00

Redpeach · 25/09/2025 21:59

Why repeat it in the title?

Because it's currently ringing in my ears on a loop. Do you speak to your children like this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Searchingforananswer2023 · 25/09/2025 22:00

pikkumyy77 · 25/09/2025 21:58

OP you have allllllllll my sympathies. What a horrendous thing for her to say. Take the hint that this situation is terrible for both of you and start to plan to gain your freedom. If you can arrange some respite care take whatever money you can lay your hands in and go away for a weekend. Think about how you can recapture your life.

I will do and thank you. No one understands how hard it is to care for someone until they do it.

OP posts:
Redpeach · 25/09/2025 21:59

Why repeat it in the title?

Original poster
Searchingforananswer2023 · 25/09/2025 21:58

LemondrizzleShark · 25/09/2025 21:57

That is a truly bizarre thing for a parent to say to their child, even more so when it’s a female parent. I’m sorry OP! Can you be less available to her?

I plan to be, I care more than she does about her health and current state. Time to detach, do what I need to do and take a break

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 25/09/2025 21:58

OP you have allllllllll my sympathies. What a horrendous thing for her to say. Take the hint that this situation is terrible for both of you and start to plan to gain your freedom. If you can arrange some respite care take whatever money you can lay your hands in and go away for a weekend. Think about how you can recapture your life.

Keepingthingsinteresting · 25/09/2025 21:58

Searchingforananswer2023 · 25/09/2025 21:55

She is not maternal at all, more transactional but she was abandoned as a child so I have always had to consider this coldness. Respite would be temporary, a permanent change in attitude is needed.

Show quote history

I hear that, but at her age and state she isn’t going to change, so safeguardInv yourself is the best you can do.

Original poster
Searchingforananswer2023 · 25/09/2025 21:57

MyPinkTraybake · 25/09/2025 21:55

Did you tell her that caring for her was like imprisonment? Did you use that word?

I was discussing the need for a break from the current cycle I am trapped in. I used the word imprisonment here.

OP posts:
LemondrizzleShark · 25/09/2025 21:57

That is a truly bizarre thing for a parent to say to their child, even more so when it’s a female parent. I’m sorry OP! Can you be less available to her?

Original poster
Searchingforananswer2023 · 25/09/2025 21:55

Keepingthingsinteresting · 25/09/2025 21:54

So sorry @Searchingforananswer2023 that sounds awful. You say she knows what she is saying, has she always been like this or is it part of the illness? That that the latter makes it ok.
Is there any way of getting some respite? You sound at risk of burnout.

She is not maternal at all, more transactional but she was abandoned as a child so I have always had to consider this coldness. Respite would be temporary, a permanent change in attitude is needed.

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 25/09/2025 21:55

Ymiryboo · 25/09/2025 21:52

Is she wrong though? You're saying you have no other life so it's unlikely to be the only thing you need but sounds like you need some support from carers to have more of a life

FFS what is wrong with you?

hall of fame game missed the point GIF
MyPinkTraybake · 25/09/2025 21:55

Did you tell her that caring for her was like imprisonment? Did you use that word?

Original poster
Searchingforananswer2023 · 25/09/2025 21:54

Ymiryboo · 25/09/2025 21:52

Is she wrong though? You're saying you have no other life so it's unlikely to be the only thing you need but sounds like you need some support from carers to have more of a life

I don't need to be spoken to like this.

OP posts:
QuirkyHorse · 25/09/2025 21:54

Maybe it's time to suggest a nursing home to her 🤔

Keepingthingsinteresting · 25/09/2025 21:54

So sorry @Searchingforananswer2023 that sounds awful. You say she knows what she is saying, has she always been like this or is it part of the illness? That that the latter makes it ok.
Is there any way of getting some respite? You sound at risk of burnout.

Ymiryboo · 25/09/2025 21:52

Is she wrong though? You're saying you have no other life so it's unlikely to be the only thing you need but sounds like you need some support from carers to have more of a life