To think it's a bit harsh to say people who've never worked shouldn't get benefits?

No it isn’t. It’s not common at all, it’s extremely uncommon.
It may have happened to you, and you may therefore have been exposed to other women of your age that also had babies at 16 who did not have support from their families. This is called confirmation bias. It doesn’t mean that it’s common.

I went to school where there were a lot of families like this. I now live in a much more middle class area where almost all mums take maternity leave then go back to work (with the odd stay at home mum but they seem pretty rare). It’s an interesting question, how you take these kids outside their narrow world view. What I never really ‘get’, is whether any of them have had the thought that we obviously could not all live like this and where the money they are getting comes from. It feels like something that should be taught by parents but probably could be included in the school curriculum (though I am very conscious that teachers absolutely have enough on their plates!

YABU. Benefits should be and were originally intended to be a safety net. I had a baby at 19 and was in full time employment, I went back to work after 9 months maternity, then had to leave work 10 months after that because my mum couldn't look after my daughter anymore (needed a brain operation). So I was glad of the support from benefits. But its not something I ever intended on happening. When she was in school I worked again. People know what they are doing when they continuously have children from a young age have never worked with no intention of working. My parents neighbour has done just that.

No I don't think all young mums go on to have many kids, and I agree that those that have found themselves in tough circumstances should have support while their babies are young, and them while they are studying or working part time up to secondary age.
Too many abuse that though. Yes I am aware of the 2 child benefits cap. The example I gave is them spacing it out to keep the benefits flowing. Don't know the exact kids ages of all the women I know of. But the 1 I do know exact ages. Her 1st born is 23 so benefits for him ended 5 years ago, 2nd 17 so benefits end next year, but she has a 4 and 5 year old so will be claiming for them for the next 14/13 years. So she will have received the max child benefits for 36 years in total. She definitely didn't have them for the love of being a mum. Passes them off on relatives for a lot of the time. Cant be bothered to do the school run so a friend does this. The school is a 10 min walk away so not due to lack of transport. She is just 1 of a quite a few in that street. Her parents never worked, she never worked, nor her siblings, and the 23 year old doesn't either. Don't know how they get away with it

You wouldn't move in to be with your DC?

Thanks. That is interesting to know. It is a lot more than none, as some people seem to believe.

OBR states that one sixth of people who claim PIP were in work as of October 2024 (that is the most recent data they have). So of the approximately 4m working age people claiming PIP, just over 650,000, or less than 17%, are in any sort of work.

I think it’s worth bearing in mind that most of these ‘kids’ having kids and claiming benefits, have come from a family where the parents have done the same thing, and therefore, know no different.

Applying the logic you were brought up with makes sense: as in - “I work with a baby and pay taxes” but these youngsters do not know what it is to work and are probably egged on to have a baby young by their mother, in order to get a council flat - that way, they are no longer a financial burden on the ‘benefit claiming’ parent.

Ok, yes,but just incase some other posters are not aware of this, I pointed it out. Too many times I have seen on Mumsnet some posters not knowing that lots of people on PIP, are actually working as well.

But, again, that's because universal credit is a non taxable benefit while her higher wncome would be taxed.

If people felt better off they wouldn't react to this nonsense about several thousands of people on boats.

But as they do, DH and I are considering moving overseas, to Thailand or Sri Lanka as and when we need to be cared for. We can sell what we own to pay for care and live in a congenial place. I'd hope the DC would visit every so often, but given that they are already busy making their own way in life, I would not expect to see them often.

We ARE mostly comfortable, safe and privileged in the UK! Look at Gaza.

Jeez you have all led such comfortable, safe, privileged lives.

You all belong in Victorian Britain with kids up chimneys, no health care and kids at work from 8 years old and vulnerable people ravaged because of lack of choice and support.

That's not a world I would ever want.

Yes, I am aware of this. I was simply pointing out that many people who claim PIP do so because they cannot work or may never have worked and should obviously not be penalised as a result.

My DS has autism. At 11 he’s finally been awarded DLA. It’s been a very long 11 years for us as a family. DH and I are both teachers - despite working full time and at times putting other children before our own - we are trying to make DS independent. If he can’t be, I would would like to think he can have help.

Single parents can still work - I’ve always worked.

@Mosaiccat I agree it’s about breaking the cycle (I work with the parents of the children you describe!) but it isn’t easy or quick, as poverty is really hard to get out of. When someone’s entire social network doesn’t work, and they’ve never had a parent who worked or enjoyed their job, found satisfaction in paid employment etc, it’s very hard to rise out of that. I tend to find that people have very low confidence and self belief, often un diagnosed neurodivergence and poor mental health. Jobs can be few and far between in deprived areas too. There needs to be more free courses and training available to people, and more hope and aspiration rather than blame and shame. There needs to be more mental health support too.

Get a job.

You are right about the damage of care system, parental mental health, drugs and other barriers.

Having worked for years with deprived children, what I saw is the damage that lack of aspiration does. If parents dont work they may never bother to foster skills like time keeping, emotional self regulation, delayed gratification - leaving children with grim home lives. The children who had at least one parent working, did better. For me, we can do a lot for children by getting parents out to work.

I think we are concerned about the same group of people, just with very different perspectives.

I’ve honestly never known such a detachment between actions and consequences as there is with having babies. People genuinely act like they drop from the heavens and the parents have no say in it, ‘so why should I suffer..’

The fact is we have an absolute myriad of options which are free, safe and nearly guarantee no pregnancy. Firstly abstinence, nobody needs to have sex. Secondly, condoms - bit old fashioned but they’re still there. Thirdly, the big one that enables consequence-less fun, contraceptives! Not just one kind, but many, which last anything from a few months to a few years, are free, safe, highly effective and readily available. Even if you throw all of the above to the wind, there’s still the - free, readily available, safe - morning after pill. Even beyond that there is - free, on demand - abortion.

What exactly is the excuse for having a ‘surprise baby’ in 2025 beyond just carelessness then feigning surprise at the result? I just don’t believe that people would have so many ‘surprise’ pregnancies if they knew they would have to do all the providing themselves and not rely on the state.

@Mosaiccat Yes, I addressed aspiration and hope in a previous post. Obviously this very much ties in with parental mental health, attitudes and values, the environment, the trauma of living in transgenerational grinding poverty and how this affects a person. We all know how traumatising the care system is, and how this causes more harm to already traumatised children. This is why this problem will not be fixed by education alone.

I've very aware of the barriers, having worked in deprived schools myself.

The most consistent barrier I saw was lack of aspiration - kids knowing they won't have to work, their parents knowing they won't have to and would take it personally if they did.

Of course, some kids in and out of care, constant contact with the police etc did struggle. We all spent our mornings, breaks, any free time supporting these kids. But overall, what held kids back was not valuing education.

Every staff member went up and beyond to fill the gaps of deprivation - some families saw school as a way out and did well, others didn't.