Genuinely, what the hell do I do?

He loves me very much and pays all the bills

You said it yourself OP

Sounds like you love him but are not in love with him.

The age difference need not be a factor; lots of people have much older partners.

Can he/you/both consider therapy? CBT is the best type in my opinion.

If he has PTSD, the only way to tackle is therapy. He is highly strung but there is no place for sarcasm. Kindness can really help. Try planning some family fun with your son, let your child be the focus. A secure family unit should be the goal.

I think honesty and a relaxed environment may be a gateway for discussion as to how you both move forward as a couple or separated? Where do you want to be in 5 or 10 years time? Your son will pick up on disharmony.

Good luck!

I have a sharp, dry sense of humour yes but it’s not nasty.

People like that are usually not very nice, they tend to be a bit bitchy and passive aggressive…..are you a bit of bitchy?

Be nicer to him, and don't make sarcastic remarks about him. If he feels he is being constantly criticised, he will get "aggressively defensive".
Have you any idea what it feels like to be constantly criticised? Well I do. It's soul-destroying, and makes you feel like nothing you do is ever right, or ever "good enough"

The age gap is a factor. So is your DS happiness & stability.
And in most relationships, you have to work hard at making the magic happen.
Become more financially independent, look deep within, be fair to both of you. Good luck.

Yes men do, because they project constantly.

I wouldn't care because it's very far removed from the truth.

Also, do life insurance policies pay out if someone just dies of old age? Surely not - that would mean every policy would have to pay out eventually because death is absolutely guaranteed and would make them fabulously expensive. So when you say he’s put you on his life insurance so you’re always cared for, surely that just means if he dies unexpectedly?

I don’t think that considering your likely standard of living as a single mother vs your standard of living as part of a couple is unreasonable.

I think you need to think about what the future will look like. When you’re 50, he’ll presumably be thinking about retiring. Will you be able to retire at the same time or will you have to continue to work to fund your (by then) teenage child, plus your partner’s retirement? I have a colleague in this situation and, frankly, it does not look fun.

When you’re 65 and contemplating retirement he’ll be pushing 80. Lots of people travel a lot in early retirement - between about 65 and 75 - but obviously that becomes trickier and riskier the older you get.

PP seems convinced she's in the first flush of youth at 44 but a bloke a mere 3 years her senior is ready to be carried out.

🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

He has PTSD so has some anger issues and can become really defensive at the most innocent of comments. I’m very sarcastic which he doesn’t get and just sees as criticism or me having a go.

You really need to do this man a favour and let him go.

He deserves better than a partner who is embarrassed by his age and lies to her colleagues about it. There's no way your comments are "innocent."

What on earth are you on about? Do you really think that people in their 60’s are past it and need caring for. I'm 61, my husband is 66 and we feel young & healthy as does everyone else of our age that we know. Maybe by the time I'm 90 I may be needing a bit of help but definitely not for the next 20+ years. Get real!! And stop insulting people who are middle aged in their 60's it's not old.

Many couples survive for the sake of interest only, In some cultures it is common to have arranged marriages purely on convenience and everyone is happy with it.

I won't judge you or pity him, I would suggest though, if you want to act like many gold diggers do, do it with a smile. It is a choice to stay together out of interest, and if this is your choice, do it with full agreement with yourself. Like you go to work and you would expect that it is for the matter of finance, not pleasure. In this type of marriages the balance is found because you know there are no feelings involved, it's transactional. So it's your choice to stay, and if you are, make yourself and him a favour and try to get the best time. You don't clearly love him and you are not obligated to stay, and have advantages if you do.
Except please note that he's not old enough to leave you with a substantial inheritance when you're young enough to enjoy it.
You clearly don't love him so accept it for what it is, convenience. Or be brave and leave, put all of this energy into building a life that is really fit for you, with a guy you like having around.

I am quite surprised about your story, as a foreigner I truly admire that British women are so independent, there is lots of social security so it shouldn't be too difficult to live happy and on your own.

Alternatively, with a positive attitude where you are now.

OP, I'm a sarcastic person by nature but seriously, read the room. A comment about him being sure his suitcase being full isn't sarcasm, it's condescension.

It honestly sounds like you don't like him, but you have a nice set up financially and you're more interested in not losing that than not losing him. If money wasn't the main factor keeping you there, you wouldn't have mentioned it.

There would have been the loudest of screams of cocklodging, CFery and LTB if the shoe was on the other foot here so do you both a service and call it all off.

The age gap is a bit of a red herring aside from the fact that lying about his age is a bit immature - you're more worried about what other people think about the man you're supposed to marry (!) than being genuine about your relationship

Errr okay. I mean generalisations like that are total rubbish but just fyi loads of people say the same about women. How would you like it if someone said you were past it and would need your arse wiped in 10 years?

This!!! It sounds very much like your husband finds it nasty. Also, why the hell would you be embarrassed about his age?! It really sound like you’re actually not very nice to him at all. Let the poor man go and find someone who’ll treat him better.

Exactly. Men deteriorate fast if they don't look after themselves after a certain age.

You should get a better paying job, save some money and move out with your DS. If he’s a good Dad don’t fight him for equal custody.

You're too young at 33 to settle for a man you’re not in love with, and he deserves to find genuine happiness with someone else too.

I was in a very similar situation years ago. He wasn't loads older than me but I felt like you do, wasn't in love with him but he took care of us (I had 3 kids with him). I felt terrible as I knew I didn't love him deep down but we'd been together since I was 18 and I didn't realize the relationship would move as fast as it did (I got pregnant quite quickly). I made the decision to leave him in 2017 and it was hell I won't lie, he was absolutely devastated and I felt like everyone judged me and thought I was an awful person. But I knew I was doing the right thing, I couldn't live my life not knowing true love and I couldn't prevent him from it either. He moved on quite fast and is still with that woman today, he's very happy. I stayed single for 5 years as I didn't want to rush a relationship and end up in the wrong one again. I met my partner 3 years ago and I am actually in love with him and so glad I did leave my ex. It was awful at the time but it's definitely turned out for the best. So I can only share my experience, it takes immense strength to take the plunge and do it but I think it's worth it if it means you can both actually be truly happy in the future. My kids adapted well to the split (they were 7,8 and 10 at the time) so don't worry about that either

And interesting that you’re “in your prime” at 44 and some guy who’s three years older than you, would have been a few classes above you at school, most of society would view you as more or less the same age, is an old man, soon to be incontinent and needing round the clock care. Okay then.

When he’s 57? You would place a bet on him being incontinent due to old age at 57? If you’re over 40 surely by your reckoning you’re not far off needing your arse wiped yourself.

You genuinely think he won't be able to wipe his own bottom when he's 57???

And not every woman over 40 is tired and hormonal and infertile but here I am and I would bet you my savings balance that he is bald and will need his arse wiped in about 10 years' time.

You really don’t sound happy together. What is he meant to do about his age? Why does it matter if he’s 50 in three years? 50 year olds aren’t at deaths door - lots of them have 30-40 years of life left after that. You sound very immature - I used to freak out and think 30 was ancient when I was 21. Then I grew up a bit, well before I turned 30 myself. I don’t think you are meant to be and it’s probably best if you split.

Life is too short. You don’t love him

split up

def don’t marry and even more so for money /support /safety

So you met when you were 25ish and he was heading to 40

what made you like him ?