Genuinely, what the hell do I do?

You keep saying you’d be provided for with pension and inheritance and stuff. But he’s only 14 years older than you - so this will come to fruition probably when you’re about 70…..

I don’t think the age gap is the problem. I don’t think you need to be head over heels in love either, for a relationship to work. At minimum you do need to like and respect each other, which doesn’t sound the case here

You’re the toxic one in the relationship, using him for financial security. See him free, support you and your son yourself!

Can you see yourself with him in 10 years time? If no, then time to make the break. Life is too short to stay unhappy.

Sarcasm can be deeply unpleasant to be on the receiving end of. It’s rarely clever or witty.

You’ve said you would leave if it wasn’t for your son, so you should leave. You’ve said your partner is a good dad so your son will most likely be okay and be cared for by both of you. Life is too short to suffer an unfulfilling relationship. You don’t love him so do all three of you a favour and move on.

You don’t like him. You stay for money. Your
post is very clear about that. Given that your DC is now full time free nursery age, how about you
coparent, earn your own money, pay for your own life insurance and let this guy find someone who loves him and not the prospect of getting some cash in hand should he die an untimely death?

It’s quite possible he feels the same way about you (albeit too young for him)….

I think you are both at the point of needing a relationship re-set, counselling or some time apart (this could be way of one of you taking an extended break away rather then naming it as a separation).

see how you both feel after that.

No relationship is perfect but nor should it be hard work or long term dislike of the other.

Oof. I’m a couple of years younger than you OP and to be blunt I can’t even imagine being with a man that age. That’s way too big of an age gap imo, and it sounds like you’re realising that too.

Personally I think you should do the hard work to start over now rather than letting things get any more complicated than they are at present. I really think that you will regret it if you don’t get out soon and end up wasting more years with him.

He has anger issues? PTSD? Can you explain how this is day to day?
You said you would leave if it was just you. Best to leave then. Staying for the children just gives them a blueprint of a relationship that doesn't work.

I can't get over the fact you are embarrassed by his age and that you actually lie to colleagues about it. I hope your partner never finds that out because that is just so hurtful and paints you in such a horrible light. It actually disgusts me.

Honestly you really should let the poor guy go and let him find someone who actually cares about him and doesnt see him as an embarrassment.

In addition to my post above - I’m a very sarcastic person. Dark humour is my default response to most things and it’s so much a part of me that I’d find it almost impossible to keep a lid on that 24/7. I’d feel like I was pretending to be a different person and as if I’d lost part of myself. I obviously have to rein it in at work and with people I don’t know but I find it exhausting and I couldn’t do it at home as well.

But here’s the thing: for that reason, I would not ever enter into a relationship with someone who found that upsetting or triggering because that would make me an arsehole. I have only ever had long term relationships with people who have a similar sense of humour to mine because otherwise it’s not fair.

He’s your family. Start looking at him more lovingly. You aren’t obliged choosing to be dissatisfied.

Sarcasm is horrible and damaging in relationships. It’s bullying. The way to deal with the suitcase was to straightforwardly say- I really need some extra space. I know yours is full, Can I try and squeeze some stuff in?

If you manage it, don’t crow, ‘see, said it wasn’t full!”. Just be glad you managed to find a little space.

You're problem is all inside you.

It honestly sounds like you’ve used him to provide you with a baby and a nice lifestyle. You’re clearly massively incompatible and you say his age has ‘always been an issue’ and now you’re embarrassed by it? I think you’re kidding yourself when you say you stayed with him because you loved him; I think you told yourself you loved him because you liked the idea of a home and a family.

Yeah @LolNotFunny you do sound awful. "Sarcastic" isn't a physical trait you can't change, it's a dickhead's euphemism for being a dickhead. And You're with him for his money. Also awful, in my view. If you genuinely don't know what to do, why don't you show him what you wrote here and then the ball is in his court?

I kind of understand parts of your situation.

I am married to a man 15yrs my senior. We have two beautiful children.

My daughter asked me if she should marry someone older . I had to pause and answer honestly "I'd say....no. you're best meeting someone your own age so you start on an equal footing "

I love my husband. But he's not easy. I strongly suspect Asperger's. I'm lonely. He also has problems with his temper. He cannot express himself emotionally at all and cannot understand anyone else's emotions. His family are very odd. Very emotionally cold people and I paint on a smile and have done for so many years. And occasionally it gets me down. Living in this parallel universe.

It's really not all bad. (On a downer about it all today ). I walked into financial security. He's very stable and mostly predictable. But we very much started out on an unequal footing. (Ironically we earn the same ) Won't get a joint account after 15 year's together (I've given up ).

There's been terrible times. There's been lovely family times. I love our little family. I'm extremely lucky to have it. But marriage wise, it's really tough some days. I think it's partly the age gap. But probably mostly the suspected Asperger's. He doesn't feel the need to socialise, so we don't. I've lost the will and oomph to 'do it without him'. Friends have dropped off over the years. He is extremely harsh and critical about friends and family. It's wearing.

Sorry I've hijacked your thread. If you're not "happy" and you're mismatched: think carefully. It's not easy to untangle yourself from a marriage despite some people's flippancy over it.

I think you don’t love him. And you don’t want to be with him. I don’t think it’s about his age really, I just think he’s not for you. Which is really hard because you have a child and a life together. But… is it going to get better? I don’t think it will. And then, are you’re both going to get more frustrated, hostile, defensive? Probably. You both deserve better than how you’re surviving. I think you either need to go for couples therapy (I don’t know if it actually works or not but worth a try) or you split up and give yourselves the chance of future happiness. Because you’re not happy.

How is she a money grabber????

I agree. I think you could both benefit hugely from having therapy and getting to know yourselves. Whether the relationship continues or not, that would benefit your child and both of you enormously.

btw 47 is not that old. I am 50 and I was the op's age a blink of an eye ago. Raising children makes time pass very quickly.

This sounds incredibly similar to my relationship. What ended up happening? Was he made the decision for me by having an affair

Ah so when it's a woman being money grabbing and shallow, it's a good thing?!

It doesn't really sound like the makings of a great marriage.

I was engaged to someone who made "jokey" snide / mean / sarcastic remarks a lot. Other people commented on it, but at the time I was in love and thought it was just his sense of humour. But actually these comments really damaged my confidence over the years. I'd have been very depressed and damaged by it if we'd got married and had a lifetime of it.

It sounds like you both have personality traits that don't work for each other.

Its really not about what any of us would do - it's your decision and you will have to live with the consequences.

Neither of them are great choices so just pick the least worse and make the best of it.

Sarcasm is unnecessary all the time.

Invest in yourself and what you have by going to therapy. Don't make a life changing decision without it

Your post made me think of this quotation: "She loved him. What of it? With you, she will be happy".
A lot of the best marriages aren't the ones that start with the most mad love-because that will change, with the best will in the world. Some people deliberately choose someone who they think will be a good partner, rather than something like a romance novel.
Only you can decide how you feel.
I wouldn't bother too much about the age thing (obviously if you were both much younger with a massive age gap, it might be different) as long as you generally get on-if you feel he's snappy, talk to him about it and ask why he's being like that and how it makes you feel.