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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Shall I "tittle tattle" or not

30 replies

bluebell8329 · 25/09/2025 14:14

Just hoping for a bit of advice. My mam has Alzheimer's and my sister who is oldest out the three of us has LPA, long story as to why she has it and the other two of us don't but my mam agreed that she would like her to do this so me and my brother were happy to go along with it. Little did we know that there was an ulterior motive for this, or so we think.

Just for some context, my dad died over 4 years ago now and my mam had the house and a portion of his money that was left and the rest was split equally between the three children. My mam started to change and show signs of dementia and on assessment, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. There was friction between the three of us and my sister got unbearable and was taking full control, refusing to let mam move into a care home even though she has more than enough money to fund herself. My sister was verbally and physically abusive towards my brother and I. Social services intervened and she is now in a care home, much to my sister's disappointment. While I was sorting the paperwork out with the social worker, we were doing a financial assessment and going through the bank statements and I uncovered a bank account we didn't know about, in my mam's name but with a substantial amount of money in it. After some digging it transpired that it belonged to my sister, the inheritance from our dad, she's been keeping it in a bank account belonging to my mam all the while she's been claiming from the DWP, for whatever she can get, JSA, PIP but had over £20K (undeclared) sitting there the whole time.

I've kept quiet about it, other than telling my brother, just so not to rock the boat but this week we attempted to as her to get some bits for our mam's room and clothes, as she is LPA and she went crazy at us, said she doesn't need to be told what our mam needs as she is the main carer and told us we can only go once a week to see our mam when she isn't there. My brother wants to contact the DWP or OPG about her, while I still don't want to cause any trouble.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Kate148 · 25/09/2025 14:30

ComfortFoodCafe · 25/09/2025 14:17

unless you want your sister to go no contact with you for the rest of your lifes, dont do this. Just dont.

Why on earth would OP not want this? The sister sounds absolutely ghastly!

Billybagpuss · 25/09/2025 14:26

Is she actually using the money?

this is going to come back to bite her in the arse.

when your dm dies that becomes part of the estate and will have to be declared on the IHT 400 forms and technically will belong to all 3 of you unless dsis owns up to it. It could get quite messy.

Arlanymor · 25/09/2025 14:24

I don’t think it’s tittle tattle - it’s reporting benefit fraud which costs the taxpayer billions over time. It would rupture the relationship irreparably as no doubt she would guess it was you/your brother who informed on her. But if you’re happy for that relationship to end then I wouldn’t think twice. This is not shoplifting a bottle of formula to feed your baby territory, this is deliberate fraud.

Vaxtable · 25/09/2025 14:21

i disagree with the first op. I am sick to death of people saying it’s none of our business when benefit fraud is taking place

The country is going to shit, why should people continue to defraud the benefit system! It’s wrong it’s as simple as that.

Yes I would report, you can provide details of the monies your father had left via probate and the will, the DWP can then ask her what she did with the money and as she can’t provide receipts you can prove it’s in the account in your mums name

Shes an adult, she is aware there are consequences to every action, she chose to defraud, she accepts the consequences

ComfortFoodCafe · 25/09/2025 14:17

unless you want your sister to go no contact with you for the rest of your lifes, dont do this. Just dont.