To not go to engagement party because I’m jealous?

You’ve no idea who is pushing for the ivf and baby and I suspect it’s her.

He's absolutley not right if he's jointly saving with her to go through IVF! If he wants to commit to being a father, he can commit to marriage! They both DO NOT need to be trying to have a baby in a non committed relationship where he call her a bitch!

Comparison is the thief of joy, but I sympathise. I had private ivf that wiped out our savings and meant we had to make some big life changes, move away etc, but it's so important to just enjoy your own wins and not compare especially when nothing can be done. Think of it as allowing a bit if poison into your system, it's not worth it.

It sounds like you need to unfollow her quietly on all socials. But your partner needs to grovel for speaking to you like that, I can't iangine my husband ever calling me a bitch in a million years, it just should never be done. He needs to apologise and understand where you're coming from.

The other issue is, his parents should have matched their contribution to one child to their other. It's not like they were struggling financially, it was a saving face gift so why can't they give their other son the same?

Finally, the only person she shows up is herself with comments like not Bali etc, just try and build your own wins and successes and don't think about what you don't have. Best of luck with your ivf journey x

You are way too young to have these problems.

Leave him, save up and go travelling

Youre 22 ffs, not 42!!

You sound miserable and bitter. you moan about everything (why bother saving for IVF if you won't be able to see the baby anyways after 9 months - I guess you get my gist?). You need to come of SM, need to stop comparing so much and maybe change your mindset and look at the things you have. You are totally obsessed with the things you want but don't have. This isn't healthy.

Agree with other posters, your partner does not sound nice but you seem to be very very negative and hard work. Who knows how much moaning he has to put up with.

Focus on the things you have and the good stuff instead for a bit!

Comparison is the thief of joy.
My children are a similar age to you. Neither of them is in a steady relationship atm - nowhere near settling down or having an ‘adult’ job. You’re so young, just relax and enjoy your life. You can split from you partner and do whatever you want!

Um he’s also 22. He’s absolutely doing right not committing to marriage at this age, I’m appalled at people digging him out as he isn’t.

Yeah, you are being a bitch but you know that. You can choose not to be that way though.

You are all still very young, so there is plenty of time for shit to happen in her life. Nothing lasts forever and there must be a lot of pressure in their relationship if they had a mortgage and a late stage pregnancy together within a year.

They have done nothing to hurt you and it would be a huge, rude statement not to go to the engagement party of a close family member. It would also be letting down your partner who should be able to take his partner to his special family events.

If the fact that he doesn’t want marriage doesn’t agree with what you want out of life, then you are not compatible and you should leave. Honestly, if my son was being pressured into saving for IVF in his early twenties, I’d be hoping he found love elsewhere.

OP, as gently as possible, don't try to have a baby with a man who isn't going to marry you and calls you a bitch. The relationship isn't going to get better after the baby. I think you're on a one way track to being a single Mum at this rate. Please fuck them all off and find someone else to start a family with, they literally all sound awful. You're 22, you do actually have plenty of time. Xx

I wouldn’t go if I didn’t like her. She sounds entitled and I can’t stand boasting patronising comments like she has done.

But you are unreasonable with your jealousy. Life gives us all a set of cards to play and we shouldn’t compare (I know it’s hard not too when you are struggling and when you see others take their blessings for granted). Try not to let that be your focus.

If marriage was important to me but not important to the person I was with then, I’d leave - he has told you early so at least you know and can take action. It could be that he just doesn’t want to marry you. I know someone who said they didn’t believe in marriage, but when he split up with his girlfriend he married his new girlfriend very quickly into the relationship - he just didn’t want to marry the ex.

Oh bless you OP. It's not just the engagement party that isn't for you. it's the whole situation. I'd have a big reassessment starting with your relationship. He sounds awful. IVF is tough enough without going into it with a man who calls you a miserable bitch.

Reconsider your relationship if it is not making you happy and feel special, secure and committed. If marriage is important to you, you have choices. Life is way too short to waste precious years on the wrong man.

Focus on your own career and and building your own life. You are not a "vicious bitch" but you seem to think life ends at where you are now at only 22, you are only just starting. Make the right, perhaps hard, choices now and in time you will get the life you want.

The world is full of people who have stuff that you don’t, OP. You’re going to have to grow a pretty thick skin to ‘protect your mental health’ if this is going to get to you.

you’re jealous, and that’s ok. Recognise it for what it is and put your big girl pants on.

That aside, 22 is just so young. You’re barely formed. You won’t be the same person in five years time and you won’t want the same things that you want now. You certainly won’t want to be with a bloke who’s thick and unpleasant but who you’re tied to because you’ve had a baby together. And who doesn’t want to marry you because they ‘don’t see the point in it.’

He’s 22! If he was my son I’d absolutely be telling him to not even consider marriage at this stage, and I’m not as convinced as other posters it’s him who is pushing for the baby either. Of course he should not have called her a bitch, but in isolation it’s hardly the crime of the century people are making out.

My Nan had a neighbour who was very unhappy because she did not have grandkids. Daughter in law left neighbour's son and went on to have a couple of lovely kids and a very happy second marriage. Motto: You deserve so much more with or without children and you just never know that down the road just what you want is waiting for you. Look ahead, leave this man behind, and see what the future holds. Be brave and bold and look to the future. You are so young.

This all sounds very challenging - especially the other woman’s rich supportive family when your family can’t do this for you.

Your feelings are totally valid and understandable.

The FB comment was below the belt. What a rude cow.

She’s not the reason you’re not ever getting married; your boyfriend is.

Prepare for him to lead you up the garden path when it comes to starting IVF too. I have sooo many friends like you, OP- they wasted their youth on men who “didn’t believe” in marriage, or weren’t ready to settle down and have kids. The common theme was how quickly they were up the aisle and in the maternity ward with their next girlfriends.

@DisappearsIntoAnOffice you're upset and jealous but you've been denied nothing. The fact that other people's situations are different doesn't mean everyone else is entitled to the same. Life isn't equal. Saying that going to a party will damage your mental health suggests you need to work on resilience otherwise you are going to struggle with normal life challenges. You and your boyfriend sound very immature although 22 is very young these days. Definitely not mature enough to be parents at this point.

OP fully understand your feelings and thinking you are just being honest.
It is very difficult when you come from a humble background and see others 'appearing' to have things a lot easier, especially where conceiving a baby is concerned.
I would suggest stop looking on social media. If your partner's family are kind decent people I would go to the party and wish them well.
If not I would probably want to distance myself.
However, totally agree with other posters on here, your partner sounds unkind and unsympathetic and you deserve better.

This totally.

I was with a guy for years who didn't believe in marriage but wanted children
The jealous of people getting married got worse the more we got through our 20s ,so did the effect of rejection of marriage from him on my self esteem.
Dont waste your 20s like me. Meet someone with the same marriage goals

Sort your own life out and forget any jealousy.

Obviously, I'm a different generation but this particular fire seems to be stoked by SM.

Have a digital detox and think about whether your current circumstances are right tor you.

Your 22 ,not 42 ..of course you can wait 2 years for IVF .
Don't be daft
Any way ..he's not the man for you x