To say school went too far suspending him for a vape

I get that this is a load of stress you really could do without, especially when he’s behind on school work. Long term hopefully it will have the desired effect to deter him from any future infringements.

You say he’s a bit cheeky, is he often in trouble at school. In this situation your best bet is to get on the same team as the school. You want to help him, they want to help him, if between you could agree on a consistent strategy it will make things easier for everyone.

The 1st time 😂😂😂
As far as YOU know. I suspect he's been warned already.
But zero tolerance is just that and kids MUST learn that now - the real world will be a shock otherwise.

Support the schools stance. Your child needs you to be a PARENT - not another friend - he won't thank you for it now, but will in about 5 years and for the rest of his life.

Negligent parenting. No wonder schools have such a hard time - they're having to educate the parents of these miscreants as well!!

Never mind Mum, only 4 more years until he's officially an adult but he'll be in hospital by the time he's 20 with collapsed lungs - look it up . . .

You're nuts if you think this is too far.
Also the fact that you're going to let him sit on his Xbox for 3 days explains why he's in this situation in the first place.
Good lord

FFS - this, of course! ⬆️

Step up, back the school, be a decent parent & make sure your child does not spend 3 days lounging around at home, frying brain cells, when he's already academically behind & been caught defying both you & the school!!

Well done to the school. Remove his Xbox etc as vaping/carrying a vape is really seriously especially as they are banned for under 18s.

It doesn’t sound like your punishment did much good though, as he’s at it again. Just because you’ve been punished once, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be punished again. These are clearly different occurrences, as you said you took the vape from him, so clearly not the first time either.

You should have removed his Xbox, etc for the 3 days. He will be happily suspended if playing computer games is the alternative. Suspension should be treated as a punishment, not a day off.

my school also suspends for vapes being caught on students - they are all
under age and shouldn’t have them on them. Same as weed, fags, booze - they are bringing an illegal and unsafe substance into school. There are 11 years olds sharing the same building, it is about keeping all the students safe. We are also getting to the stage in schools where children are putting things in their vapes such as spice, zero tolerance has to be followed to try and keep the majority safe.

for the people who have no idea why suspension is a punishment - it’s about getting a child who is doing something dangerous/disruptive away from the rest of the school bd hopefully getting the parents to support the school by forcing them to be inconvenienced with their own child for a couple of days. Most parents who have put to up with their grumpy teen for a couple of days and disrupt their own working day will then be a bit more supportive than if it’s just handled in house.

I feel for you because it is really tough when your kid is the one pulled up for something that lots of kids are doing. But this gives you an opportunity to teach him that life isn’t fair and just because others have got away with something doesn’t mean he will.

not all schools will take the same line but you have to back the school or kids who want to challenge authority will feel supported in doing so.

my son got in trouble for similar and I was really angry at him and backed the school’s punishment, it didn’t make a blind bit of difference to his future behaviour- frustratingly - and he got asked to leave the second time. Schools try to avoid permanently excluding as it is a PITA and expensive for them.

son is now an adorable hard working and successful 22 year old but JFC it has been a roller coaster. If you can get through to your son to influence his behaviour do so, this is the time to be tough rather than in his side.

ps - before I get told I’m a terrible parent - I have two who have been easy - one of whom is on track for a Russell group university & head girl material. Some kids are much more challenging to raise and you’re lucky if you get an easy teen. Same as you’re lucky if you get an easy toddler- difficult teen son was an angel at that age.

Personally I’d be more concerned about my son having a vape.

I would get to the bottom of where he bought it from and report that shop to trading standards.

He definitely would not be rewarded for this by being allowed on his Xbox for three days.

If you are sincerely concerned about him missing 3 days of school, you can look up online resources like BBC bitesize and Oak Academy.

.

I think you would be in a better place to agree with the school and back up their stance. I am sure it is in their set of rules, if it is something you don’t like I would advise for anyone to not select that school. So many times parents are drawn to the better schools which generally have stricter rules, then when the rules apply to their own children they negatively react.

Vaping is a real issue in schools and they have to take a zero tolerance stance. Thing is, they pass it around to others in toilets or on the field, generally at break time and the other children esp the younger ones become quite concerned.
I imagine your DS will learn a lesson, and I think a worthy one.

What's scary and wrong is that you're excusing his behaviour. It's time to do some parenting, unless it's too much hard work for you?

No xbox.

It's hardly a new rule that the school has sprung up isn't it?

That's why there's some many problems at schools now, because parents can't be arsed to parent.

If it was in his blazer pocket, how was he caught with it?
Schools can set their own behaviour policies and in order to address vaping issues in school (if there is an issue with loads of kids doing it) your sons school may have adopted a harsher penalty for those caught.
the school should be supplying work for your son to do whilst excluded.
you can also check that the exclusion is a legal one. Has it been recorded correctly on the register? Have you been sent paperwork for the exclusion?
if you feel the exclusion is not in line with their behaviour policy then you can challenge it.
hopefully, your son will learn from this experience. Clearly he should have been expecting a punishment once he was caught- he knows he shouldn’t have a vape in school.

The fact that you think he’ll be on his Xbox for three days explains a lot…sorry

Bloody hell that's a bit harsh! 👀

Does, 'A bit cheeky in class sometimes' mean you DC is a pain for teachers because he can't behave?
Have words with your boy, he's broken a clear rule and must take the consequences. Oh, and take the X Box away and turn off the router.

He’s vaping at 14 and behind with his school work, and you’re whining that the school disciplined him? Can you hear yourself? As for your complaint that he’ll be at home on his Xbox for 3 days have you thought about parenting him and take it away?!

Also willing to bet that “A little bit cheeky in class sometimes” from a parent as permissive as you is actually “a disruptive, cheeky little shit” in real money.

If you’ve already punished him and he’s gone straight back out and done the same again I’d say he needs more punishment.

Is this a serious post? 🤦‍♀️

Ok, so I read some messages and your view.
But here's the problem, kid is vaping, you allow it, tap him on his hand and tell him off... he is found by school and gets suspended and you feel like he's being punished to harsh. It not harsh, it's a good punishment which should be followed up at home with more talks and consequences.
Here's the reality: it is illegal for children under the age of 18 to own smoke or vape tabbaco products, alcohol, etc.. . It's not a school rule, it's the law. School just has a consequence on that.

You as a parent have to ensure he doesn't find himself in this situation and rather than have a go at the school for being harsh, have a go at yourself and your child and think about another way of parenting him.
Oh no, he miserable because you took his Xbox away? Oh well... such is life... let him be bored, upset, whatever. That's the consequences of his own actions and how is he going to learn otherwise ?
He gets behind with his learning, not a problem, there's homework clubs, library, asking teachers for extra work, etc to get back on track. You don't have to show him or teach him, it is his responsibility to get himself back on track. Stop doing the work for him, stop trying to protect or excuse his bad behaviour.
You wanted advice. Here it is...

I’m a very relaxed parent and most of the time I don’t agree with schools and their ridiculous rules and punishments but on this occasion I do agree with them. You really need to come down harder on him because now it’s a vape with clearly no consequences, what will he try and what laws will he push next with no fear of the consequences. Don’t let him become an awful man with a mother who never pulled him up on his behaviour. We have enough of those

he wasn’t even using it in class or anything

wow. Just wow.
So if he had been vaping IN class you would have been ok with him being suspended? I would expect a pupil to get EXPELLED if they were vaping IN class!!

I get rules are rules but I don’t think chucking him out for 3 days is going to teach him anything except to sit at home on his Xbox.
you do realise YOU decide whether he can go on the Xbox right? Why on earth would you allow him to go on the Xbox? What do you think you’re teaching him by allowing him on the Xbox? You’re just teaching him that he has to break school rules and get suspended to do stuff he actually wants to do. Sorry op, you’re going to have to toughen up your parenting and remove the Xbox for those 3 days.

Yes, schools suspend pupils for this. This is most likely not the first time he’s been caught.
No, school has not gone too far.

I’m a very relaxed parent and most of the time I don’t agree with schools and their ridiculous rules and punishments but on this occasion I do agree with them. You really need to come down harder on him because now it’s a vape with clearly no consequences, what will he try and what laws will he push next with no fear of the consequences. Don’t let him become an awful man with a mother who never pulled him up on his behaviour. We have enough of those.