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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving a parking space because someone else wants it

185 replies

Allisnotlost1 · 25/09/2025 08:59

I left the gym this morning about 8.15 and, as I did, saw someone arrive and drive the wrong way around the car park. It’s not huge but there’s an overflow which adds about 15-20 steps onto the walk back to the building. There’s also a second overflow which would add about 60 seconds.

I sat in my car to send a difficult emails - to do with bereavement - and I did this there so I could leave it behind and come home and focus on the day. It would have taken about 5 or 6 minutes.

So I start dealing with it and the wrong way driver an older lady, just for visualisation purposes, knocks on my window and asks me if I’m leaving. Yes, I say, it not for about 5 minutes. She asks me to ‘just pull out and wait somewhere’. I say I can’t, because you’ve driven the wrong way around the car park and now you’re blocking the exit. She insists she isn’t and she ‘needs’ the space because the car park is full. She hasn’t been to the overflow.

I look at her gobsmacked, but then ask where is it she expects me to go, and she then gets flustered and says don’t worry about. Ok I say, closing my door. When I left, there were a couple of empty spaces but by then she’d parked on the grass verge on the exit road.

AIBU?

YANBU - she should have used the overflow/s or driven around a bit like anyone else.

YABU - immediately leaving the car park at busy times is just the right thing to do.

OP posts:
BeLilacSloth · 25/09/2025 15:25

Allisnotlost1 · 25/09/2025 14:44

Now that’s ageism! She definitely wasn’t confused, or elderly, and neither of us argued.

Show quote history

You say she was driving the wrong way around the car park which would indicate confusion and YOU mentioned that she was elderly.

Elboob · 25/09/2025 15:18

KimberleyClark · 25/09/2025 09:11

It is annoying when a car park is full to see someone returning to their car only to then just sit there on their phone. Car park spaces are for you to use for as long as you use the facilities. And this woman was not to know you were doing something important to you.

What if she waited inside the building to send the emails and then return to her car?
Same thing - again NOTHING to do with anyone else. Just use the overflow and don't intrude on other people's time.

WildLeader · 25/09/2025 15:18

I’d have been “sorry, no English!” 😂

AutumnCosy2025 · 25/09/2025 15:11

ReignOfError · 25/09/2025 11:25

I was mostly not bothered until you wrote this. You don’t know if she has a mobility problem. Not all disabilities are visible. My husband has a life-limiting disease and walking any distance for him is painful and leaves him breathless, but you’d never know it to look him, or if he’d just got out of a car briefly. And yes, he does still go to the gym because it’s essential, and he doesn’t have a blue badge, btw.

Show quote history

I'm sorry to hear about your DH xx

i don't look like I have mobility issues either, but every step on my right foot is like stepping on broken glass. I go to the gym too, to try to regain some strength and some cardio on the bike as it's slightly less painful than walking.

i do have a blue badge, but I use it as infrequently as possible so that they're free for others with even greater issues/equipment they need space to get out or whatever.

Original poster
Allisnotlost1 · 25/09/2025 15:11

nomas · 25/09/2025 13:17

🤣

You were not pigeony at all.

What a great new adjective, henceforth, I will call annoying people pigeony.

Show quote history

🐦

OP posts:
Original poster
Allisnotlost1 · 25/09/2025 15:10

TulipCat · 25/09/2025 14:54

I think it's human nature to feel frustrated at people delaying leaving when you're looking for a space. Of course, it has no effect on the time the space becomes available whether you do your emails in the gym or in your car, but people are tantilized by the possibility if you're actually at your car. That's why I only return to my car when I'm ready to leave, I hate feeling rushed.

I do agree - and tantalised is the perfect description. I fully get that it’s inconvenient, but sometimes others’ convenience is less pressing than one’s own.

OP posts:
SwedeAtTheFinnishLine · 25/09/2025 15:08

HelplessSoul · 25/09/2025 09:02

I'd have told her to fuck off and drive properly.

And waited even longer just to piss her off!

And that would be a pig ignorant and unnecessarily vile response.

So sad that people like you are walking around the community looking for ways to make life more unpleasant for other people.

Original poster
Allisnotlost1 · 25/09/2025 15:06

Poirot1983 · 25/09/2025 13:58

I don't think this is a right or wrong question but one of courtesy and kindness. The situation was resolved so we can only assume that you are asking on here for honest feedback from others.

I seem to be in the minority here but I don't think that you acted kindly in your actions or in your descriptions; 'older' lady, driving the wrong way round the car park, got flustered, blocked the exit, parked badly etc..

It sounds as though she approached you politely and did not make a fuss (other than to get a bit 'flustered'). She didn't stick around to argue with you about it.

None of us, including you, OP, know what is going on in this woman's life or what her morning has been like.

I felt sad reading your post, to be honest. I think the polite thing to do would just have been to say 'no problem at all' and let her have the space.

I get that the content of your email was difficult (and I think you have mentioned that so that people will side with you on this but you could have sent it from the gym or a cafe if you didn't want to send it from home). FWIW I have had to send a similar message this morning to someone but I would not have inconvenienced or not been very kind to someone else whilst doing so.

I absolutely did ask to get honest feedback and I appreciate that’s what you’ve done. I asked for feedback because I wondered if I had been a bit harsh and wanted a range of opinions.

The only reason the content of the email was relevant is that I was very distracted by it and therefore perhaps not as generous as I might have been had it been a different day. The point of doing it in the car is that it’s a private space. Doing it in the gym would be quite odd (I would definitely be in someone’s way there and I don’t usually take my phone inside). I could have done it in the cafe before I left, which would have had the same effect of the parking space being taken up.

As I’ve explained, her age had no bearing for me but I often see people ask about that kind of detail so provided it. I’m middle aged, she was a bit older than me. I didn’t say it to elicit any reaction or act any differently towards her because of it. Her driving the wrong way was only relevant because initially she appeared to have blocked me in and she parked antisocially rather than wait five minutes - these are just facts.

You’re right that I don’t know what’s going on in her life - nor she in mine. I’m
curious that you only think I should have been kind to her, and not the other way around.

OP posts:
TulipCat · 25/09/2025 14:54

I think it's human nature to feel frustrated at people delaying leaving when you're looking for a space. Of course, it has no effect on the time the space becomes available whether you do your emails in the gym or in your car, but people are tantilized by the possibility if you're actually at your car. That's why I only return to my car when I'm ready to leave, I hate feeling rushed.

Original poster
Allisnotlost1 · 25/09/2025 14:48

Glitterandmud · 25/09/2025 13:59

OP did nothing wrong, I often duck into my car between classes to send emails. I had 20 minutes today and did just that! I also park at the gym and wait in my car (on my phone, shocker!) while I wait for my dcs to finish their activities! If you asked me to move, I'd say no and expect you to move on graciously.

If she had blocked the car park did she expect OP to drive the wrong way round to leave, I wouldn't be hapoy doing that. Surely the easiest thing for everyone would have been for her to exit and go to the overflow.

If she had blocked the car park did she expect OP to drive the wrong way round to leave, I wouldn't be hapoy doing that. Surely the easiest thing for everyone would have been for her to exit and go to the overflow.

That’s exactly what had happened - I couldn’t reverse out to face the correct way because of where she’d parked, and I thought well it doesn’t matter because I’m just doing this email quickly and hopefully she’ll have moved. It wasn’t obvious she was waiting on a space tbh, she looked like she’d parked at the edge of the painted spaces.

OP posts:
Original poster
Allisnotlost1 · 25/09/2025 14:45

mondaytosunday · 25/09/2025 14:06

I would not sit in my car doing whatever if I was aware there was someone waiting - it doesn’t matter which way she drove into the car park. I find it totally frustrating when people sit there - I don’t care how important your email was you could do it before, after or when you start work. If someone sees me walk to my car and I’m not leaving right away (occasionally if shopping I will dump my bags in the car and go off again) I would indicate this to whomever is waiting.

I didn’t know she was waiting until she knocked me, and I immediately told her I’d be five minutes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Allisnotlost1 · 25/09/2025 14:44

BeLilacSloth · 25/09/2025 13:25

Easy to solve OP. Get out the car park, go home, send email. Then this confrontation wouldn’t have happened. Can’t believe you have time in your day to argue with an elderly(and possibly confused) lady.

Now that’s ageism! She definitely wasn’t confused, or elderly, and neither of us argued.

OP posts:
spoonbillstretford · 25/09/2025 14:22

I'd have said, "I said I'm busy and I'll be five minutes. Either wait or park elsewhere." Closed the window/door and got on with what I was doing.

mondaytosunday · 25/09/2025 14:06

I would not sit in my car doing whatever if I was aware there was someone waiting - it doesn’t matter which way she drove into the car park. I find it totally frustrating when people sit there - I don’t care how important your email was you could do it before, after or when you start work. If someone sees me walk to my car and I’m not leaving right away (occasionally if shopping I will dump my bags in the car and go off again) I would indicate this to whomever is waiting.

Glitterandmud · 25/09/2025 13:59

OP did nothing wrong, I often duck into my car between classes to send emails. I had 20 minutes today and did just that! I also park at the gym and wait in my car (on my phone, shocker!) while I wait for my dcs to finish their activities! If you asked me to move, I'd say no and expect you to move on graciously.

If she had blocked the car park did she expect OP to drive the wrong way round to leave, I wouldn't be hapoy doing that. Surely the easiest thing for everyone would have been for her to exit and go to the overflow.

Poirot1983 · 25/09/2025 13:58

I don't think this is a right or wrong question but one of courtesy and kindness. The situation was resolved so we can only assume that you are asking on here for honest feedback from others.

I seem to be in the minority here but I don't think that you acted kindly in your actions or in your descriptions; 'older' lady, driving the wrong way round the car park, got flustered, blocked the exit, parked badly etc..

It sounds as though she approached you politely and did not make a fuss (other than to get a bit 'flustered'). She didn't stick around to argue with you about it.

None of us, including you, OP, know what is going on in this woman's life or what her morning has been like.

I felt sad reading your post, to be honest. I think the polite thing to do would just have been to say 'no problem at all' and let her have the space.

I get that the content of your email was difficult (and I think you have mentioned that so that people will side with you on this but you could have sent it from the gym or a cafe if you didn't want to send it from home). FWIW I have had to send a similar message this morning to someone but I would not have inconvenienced or not been very kind to someone else whilst doing so.

3678194b · 25/09/2025 13:53

Next time you'll just know to say 'no' when asked if you're leaving. That was your error!

Dearg · 25/09/2025 13:48

Well Op, I don’t think you were being unreasonable, but lesson learned.

Next time, sit in Reception and send your email, that way you are not visible to those who would harass you to vacate a space.

Ultimately, they are no better off, but less hassle for you.

Gall10 · 25/09/2025 13:41

What’s her age got to do with it?

catSlaveToTwo · 25/09/2025 13:41

knocks on my window and asks me if I’m leaving. Yes, I say, it not for about 5 minutes. She asks me to ‘just pull out and wait somewhere’. I say I can’t, because you’ve driven the wrong way around the car park and now you’re blocking the exit. She insists she isn’t and she ‘needs’ the space because the car park is full. She hasn’t been to the overflow.

The asking was fine - trying to get you to leave before your ready is where the overstepping is - less so if there were no other options.

Isobel201 · 25/09/2025 13:39

chunkybear · 25/09/2025 09:19

She’s perhaps got a mobility issue and wants to park as close as possible to the gym ?

that's what the yellow disabled spaces are for - if she has a blue badge, she can use them.

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 25/09/2025 13:37

No idea why that posted 3x.

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 25/09/2025 13:37

If there’s an easy to reach overflow then it’s fine. If it was the only car park - then I’d have moved.

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 25/09/2025 13:37

If there’s an easy to reach overflow then it’s fine. If it was the only car park - then I’d have moved.

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 25/09/2025 13:37

If there’s an easy to reach overflow then it’s fine. If it was the only car park - then I’d have moved.