Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving a parking space because someone else wants it

185 replies

Allisnotlost1 · 25/09/2025 08:59

I left the gym this morning about 8.15 and, as I did, saw someone arrive and drive the wrong way around the car park. It’s not huge but there’s an overflow which adds about 15-20 steps onto the walk back to the building. There’s also a second overflow which would add about 60 seconds.

I sat in my car to send a difficult emails - to do with bereavement - and I did this there so I could leave it behind and come home and focus on the day. It would have taken about 5 or 6 minutes.

So I start dealing with it and the wrong way driver an older lady, just for visualisation purposes, knocks on my window and asks me if I’m leaving. Yes, I say, it not for about 5 minutes. She asks me to ‘just pull out and wait somewhere’. I say I can’t, because you’ve driven the wrong way around the car park and now you’re blocking the exit. She insists she isn’t and she ‘needs’ the space because the car park is full. She hasn’t been to the overflow.

I look at her gobsmacked, but then ask where is it she expects me to go, and she then gets flustered and says don’t worry about. Ok I say, closing my door. When I left, there were a couple of empty spaces but by then she’d parked on the grass verge on the exit road.

AIBU?

YANBU - she should have used the overflow/s or driven around a bit like anyone else.

YABU - immediately leaving the car park at busy times is just the right thing to do.

OP posts:
JJZ · 27/09/2025 13:37

Imlyingandthatsthetruth · 25/09/2025 09:14

You're nice, aren't you?

Show quote history

I wouldn’t have told her to FO, but I definitely would have made her wait longer.

I’m aware I’m not that nice though sometimes! I own it.

Soontobe60 · 27/09/2025 13:36

GiantTeddyIsTired · 25/09/2025 09:31

There's nothing wrong with using a parking space that you've paid for to do something in the car. If you did it in the gym reception then no-one would have been any the wiser.

She shouldn't have driven the wrong way around, and she should have just gone to the overflow parking. Wanting a certain parking spot that someone else is using is unreasonable.

Sitting in your car in a busy car park to send emails that could be done absolutely anywhere else is just a dick move.

Airspice · 27/09/2025 13:31

I’d say YANBU. You weren’t sat in the car for half an hour, just a few minutes. She drove the wrong way blocking your exit and could have quite easily parked in the overflow. Annoying for her but tough luck really.

HelplessSoul · 27/09/2025 12:14

SwedeAtTheFinnishLine · 27/09/2025 11:42

Eh? what are you on about @HelplessSoul

My inherent bias? Because I thought your response would be abusive and petty? That I think it's sad that people like you are walking around verbally abusing and deliberately inconveniencing people?

You absolutely did not "merely" use what the OP wrote in her post.
The woman didn't hassle anyone. That's your messed up perspective because clearly you're walking around like some sort of emotional time bomb, looking to take offence to the slightest interaction. How dare someone talk to you and ask you if you're moving, what a cunt, right?
And yes, those were absolutely the only two options...you definitely didn't make that part up either did you?

I suggest you go back to bed because clearly, reading comprehension is WAY above your pay grade.

Cherryicecreamx · 27/09/2025 12:10

Is it presumptuous of me to think if they're using the gym they're able to walk those few extra steps in? If she parked on the grass bit, is it possible she didn't know about the overflow car park?
I don't think it's unreasonable to spend 5 minutes in the car before driving off. Sometimes I need that time to decompress from one activity to another. If someone told me they'd be 5 minutes and I really needed that spot then I would just wait 5 minutes, not have the audacity to tell them to leave immediately!

GoldOP · 27/09/2025 12:09

yanbu, I go to the gym with my dd sometimes and if she finishes before me she goes and sits in the car so is this now allowed?
When I go shopping I sometimes stop off at my friends for a catch up on the way home so beforehand I buy a sandwich at the supermarket and sit in the car and eat it, is this not allowed either?
If no other spaces were available for parking I’d suggest it’d have been better to leave but as there were I don’t get why she even bothered you.

Hallywally · 27/09/2025 11:53

I think overall it’s a minor occurrence. I think she was unreasonable for driving the wrong way around a car park and you were unreasonable for blocking a car park space for something you could’ve done at home.

SwedeAtTheFinnishLine · 27/09/2025 11:50

"You said you objected to my posting about here - bitching, you called it. "

Come on OP you know that bitching ≠ posting. I'm not going to waste my time explaining that.

"There were places for her to park, she just chose not to go there, for whatever reason.

There were places to park when you left at least 5 mins later.

She certainly did not indicate that she ‘needed’ the space, just that she wanted it. You’ve chosen to imagine that it was health related, based on nothing at all.

No, I chose to consider the possibility that someone who asked for a spot might genuinely need it. I personally wouldn't expect proof of anything, if someone needed something and I didn't, and my use was inconveniencing someone unnecessarily then I'd just move. Why make someone's day a little more difficult when it's possible to help them out a little.

I chose not to leave immediately, for reasons I’ve explained. You don’t need to agree with those reasons but asking why seems defunct at this point."

Yes, I know you chose not to leave. I just disagree with that choice and think it was selfish. The parking spaces are there for people to use the facilities, not for general admin and there was literally no reason not to do that at home or somewhere more appropriate.

SwedeAtTheFinnishLine · 27/09/2025 11:42

Eh? what are you on about @HelplessSoul

My inherent bias? Because I thought your response would be abusive and petty? That I think it's sad that people like you are walking around verbally abusing and deliberately inconveniencing people?

You absolutely did not "merely" use what the OP wrote in her post.
The woman didn't hassle anyone. That's your messed up perspective because clearly you're walking around like some sort of emotional time bomb, looking to take offence to the slightest interaction. How dare someone talk to you and ask you if you're moving, what a cunt, right?
And yes, those were absolutely the only two options...you definitely didn't make that part up either did you?

TheSaltedCaramelPath · 27/09/2025 11:20

You were fine.
Take what time you need.
You could have been waiting for your passenger who was still in the changing rooms

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 27/09/2025 10:08

Allisnotlost1 · 26/09/2025 23:38

😆 Yes a lot of my responses are bunched up aren’t they? What can I say, I responded when I could.

Show quote history

Not bunched up, just 2 whole pages of OP's posts of you arguing.

eastegg · 27/09/2025 09:50

Allisnotlost1 · 25/09/2025 20:23

I think it’s just as reasonable to expect her to notice I was concentrating as it is to expect me to notice she was flustered. But it sounds like your view is to always inconvenience yourself first and that’s totally valid.

Maybe more people are like you than I’d have imagined. I might try knocking on windows to get spaces I want in future, rather than what I usually do which is drive further away.

Show quote history

Ha! It would be very interesting to see what reaction you’d get. Very negative would be my strong suspicion. Because the reaction on MN doesn’t, I believe, reflect how wonderfully generous people are, always assuming the other person to be in the right no matter how impatiently or rudely their request is made, but rather the tendency to stick the boot into an OP.

Original poster
Allisnotlost1 · 26/09/2025 23:38

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 26/09/2025 20:49

Good point!

Bit seems OP thinks she was right and that's that.
2 whole pages of her own posts going back and forth with anyone who sees it differently.

Show quote history

😆 Yes a lot of my responses are bunched up aren’t they? What can I say, I responded when I could.

OP posts:
ImGoneUnderground · 26/09/2025 22:46

3456DDF · 25/09/2025 09:40

This is why I always sit in the passenger seat if I go back to my car but am not intending to drive off straight away.

Can't be doing with feeling rushed to leave.

Agree - OP is NBU - Great suggestion / idea, I will remember & do this if i am in this situation - the OP obviously had very important issues that she had to deal with there & then - ie bereavement in this case - this was not out of spite, just her situation at the time. If I was just 'lingering' I may have moved, but this does not appear to be the case here.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 26/09/2025 20:49

Poirot1983 · 25/09/2025 13:58

I don't think this is a right or wrong question but one of courtesy and kindness. The situation was resolved so we can only assume that you are asking on here for honest feedback from others.

I seem to be in the minority here but I don't think that you acted kindly in your actions or in your descriptions; 'older' lady, driving the wrong way round the car park, got flustered, blocked the exit, parked badly etc..

It sounds as though she approached you politely and did not make a fuss (other than to get a bit 'flustered'). She didn't stick around to argue with you about it.

None of us, including you, OP, know what is going on in this woman's life or what her morning has been like.

I felt sad reading your post, to be honest. I think the polite thing to do would just have been to say 'no problem at all' and let her have the space.

I get that the content of your email was difficult (and I think you have mentioned that so that people will side with you on this but you could have sent it from the gym or a cafe if you didn't want to send it from home). FWIW I have had to send a similar message this morning to someone but I would not have inconvenienced or not been very kind to someone else whilst doing so.

Good point!

Bit seems OP thinks she was right and that's that.
2 whole pages of her own posts going back and forth with anyone who sees it differently.

sidebirds · 26/09/2025 20:24

HelplessSoul · 25/09/2025 09:02

I'd have told her to fuck off and drive properly.

And waited even longer just to piss her off!

👍🏾

LLM21 · 26/09/2025 20:22

I think it depends on whether it's a pay and display car park really. If you have paid and have time left on your ticket, carry on! If its a free car park and full then send the email outside your house and start fresh once your inside .

Chinsupmeloves · 26/09/2025 18:38

If in a busy car park I would drive to a quieter location to send the e mail or wait until I got home. It is actually quite annoying when people sit in their cars when spaces are few, like those who take up spaces to pick someone up. Read the room so you don't get others knocking on the window. Xx

BeLilacSloth · 25/09/2025 21:36

Allisnotlost1 · 25/09/2025 20:14

Of course older does not imply elderly, that’s your own interpretation! Just like I didn’t say that she was confused and I didn’t say anyone argued.

Show quote history

Well you feel strongly enough to write about this ‘older but not elderly’ woman on the internet when you were clearly in the wrong. Please have more consideration for others going forward.

HelplessSoul · 25/09/2025 20:26

SwedeAtTheFinnishLine · 25/09/2025 18:12

"So the woman hassling the OP to move, when the OP was not done with the space - what do you call that?

I'd call that woman an awful and impatient cunt.

I'd much rather the OP safely do whatever was needed on her phone while parked vs doing while driving. The OP did nothing wrong.

Your ire is sorely fucking misplaced."

Now now pottymouth 😂

@HelplessSoul I see you've made up a load of nonsense to justify your over the top reaction. Asking someone if they're leaving is hardly hassling.
But yes, you're completely right, the only options here were to hog a space in a busy car park or to drive with her eyes glued to a screen. In fact, OP probably saved lives today 😉

I've made up nothing.

I merely used what the OP wrote in her OP.

Amazed you cannot see that - mind you, with the inherent bias you have - pot, meet kettle.... SMH 🤦‍♂️

Original poster
Allisnotlost1 · 25/09/2025 20:23

Poirot1983 · 25/09/2025 17:44

I suppose in summary, nobody came away feeling good. Maybe the other woman would have expressed gratitude and thanks to you, had you moved. And you may have felt good for doing something that wasn't ideal for you but that helped her out.

Appreciate that from your POV she was inconveniencing you by interrupting you whilst writing a sensitive email. She was flustered, you were concentrating. You could see that she was flustered and perhaps not familiar with the car park. She could see that you were on your phone/device however she could not have been aware of what exactly you were writing - probably just assumed you were sending a quick text message.

And therefore... I still think you should have moved. 🙂

Show quote history

I think it’s just as reasonable to expect her to notice I was concentrating as it is to expect me to notice she was flustered. But it sounds like your view is to always inconvenience yourself first and that’s totally valid.

Maybe more people are like you than I’d have imagined. I might try knocking on windows to get spaces I want in future, rather than what I usually do which is drive further away.

OP posts:
Original poster
Allisnotlost1 · 25/09/2025 20:17

TappyGilmore · 25/09/2025 17:56

Ironically, I’ve noticed that it’s always people going to the gym that have got to have the closest car park and can’t possibly walk a few steps!

My DD used to attend a dancing school that was next door to a gym. The dancing school had about 12 parking spaces in total, which obviously didn’t go very far at busy after school times. The gym had about 5 parking spaces at street level and then a large car park (maybe 40 spaces) down the back. The dancing school parents would constantly get threatening emails about not parking in gym spaces, so generally didn’t do it. But the gym goers would constantly park in the dancing school spaces - their own big car park down the back would be practically empty but of course they couldn’t possibly walk round from behind the building, they had to park as close as possible to the door.

Ha, threatening emails jeez. There’s about five other kids clubs as well as the gym (and it’s a leisure centre really so there’s also sports hall, fields and swimming) so I never go in the evening because it’s terrible trying to park. Mornings are usually chill. Might just go running in future 😭

OP posts:
Original poster
Allisnotlost1 · 25/09/2025 20:14

BeLilacSloth · 25/09/2025 19:57

Older implies elderly, what else would you mean by that 😅 in no way did I say that all old people are confused. Please have more consideration in the future and choose more appropriate places to send emails

Show quote history

Of course older does not imply elderly, that’s your own interpretation! Just like I didn’t say that she was confused and I didn’t say anyone argued.

OP posts:
Original poster
Allisnotlost1 · 25/09/2025 20:12

SwedeAtTheFinnishLine · 25/09/2025 18:02

"I definitely don’t think considerate is mollycoddling, and I think I’ve made that clear.

I don't think you have made that clear. I commented about having consideration for other people and remembering that as people age there will be a higher likelihood of having certain issues and you took your response to the extreme, doing so means mollycoddling and patronising anyone with grey hair.

You referred to me as a twat and now want to talk about attitude and consideration so it’s hard to take you seriously to be honest."

Well tbh I didn't actually intend to call you a twat outright, I was referring to the behaviour being twattish and was replying to a comment about a specific detail, pointing out the lack of awareness that as people age they might appreciate a little more compassion. But you're right, it's was rude so fwiw I'm sorry for that.

"I wonder what you think a forum is for if you object to people chatting about the minutiae of their lives."

I don't object to that at all? I objected to lack of consideration.

"I told her I’d be gone in five minutes and I was. By that time she’d already parked and closer spaces were empty. So I don’t think a couple of minutes inconvenience warrants quite your level of antipathy, but here you are wilfully being so."

Eh? What level of antipathy? I don't think a couple of comments on MN exhibits anything of the sort. And yes, five minutes isn't much in a general sense, but in the context of sitting in the road with your car running without somewhere to park, it's long enough..and it was unnecessary.

"Everyone has their reasons, and of course they don’t need to be explicit, but if they are not obvious then being explicit does make it easier, particularly if there’s no reason their needs trump someone else’s and no-one is harmed by one or the other taking precedence."

Maybe it's baby brain, but I can't make sense of that last part. But my point was, lots of people aren't comfortable sharing private information with people. Especially if it's health related. She made it clear that she needed the space by going to you and asking for it. I just think the decent thing to do would be to let her have it. You had finished with the facilities and were leaving, you didn't actually need it anymore. Why inconvenience someone when you could so easily avoid it?

You said you objected to my posting about here - bitching, you called it.

There were places for her to park, she just chose not to go there, for whatever reason. She certainly did not indicate that she ‘needed’ the space, just that she wanted it. You’ve chosen to imagine that it was health related, based on nothing at all. I chose not to leave immediately, for reasons I’ve explained. You don’t need to agree with those reasons but asking why seems defunct at this point.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/09/2025 20:09

GiantTeddyIsTired · 25/09/2025 09:31

There's nothing wrong with using a parking space that you've paid for to do something in the car. If you did it in the gym reception then no-one would have been any the wiser.

She shouldn't have driven the wrong way around, and she should have just gone to the overflow parking. Wanting a certain parking spot that someone else is using is unreasonable.

This 100%