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AIBU?

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Original poster

That I could do this commute twice a week?

86 replies

gooseberryfooled · 25/09/2025 07:32

I've been WFH since 2020 but my employer has just mandated two days in the office for everyone in my department. There will be some flexibility but mostly I will be commuting twice a week, most weeks.

I am quite happy with this, I've been considering going in more for a while now and my current commute is a fairly easy 45 mins door to door (train and a bit of walking).

However, we (me, DH and DC8) have been planning to move house mid-next year. It's long planned and much wanted - we've found the exact village we want to move to and are very set on living by water and out in the country. But the move would out my commute at an hour and 20 minute train journey, plus around 15-20 minutes getting to and from train stations at either end (that might be reduced depending on how close to the village station we end up living). It would also be more expensive but manageable.

Am I being horribly unrealistic to think that's doable? There would be some weeks I could negotiate going only once to another office where more of my team sit so it might be 3 weeks out of 4. DH is a SAHP so no issues with childcare.

OP posts:
Sheiswaiting · 25/09/2025 08:02

warmapplepies · 25/09/2025 07:57

I wasn’t concluding anything 🙄 just giving my opinion.

That’s £240 a month just on travelling to work two days a week.

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But if that was in the context of £215k salary?

Original poster
gooseberryfooled · 25/09/2025 08:01

warmapplepies · 25/09/2025 07:57

I wasn’t concluding anything 🙄 just giving my opinion.

That’s £240 a month just on travelling to work two days a week.

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It's a fair point - we can afford it by cutting down on some luxuries and I think on balance it's worth it for us. I know that's a lucky position to be in.

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 25/09/2025 08:01

Yes it’s doable.

You can also speak to your employer and ask about shorter day in the proviso you work on the train etc.

employers now are really good at the hybrid model compared to pre 2020 and seem to be keen on keeping people good at their role and adjusting for that.

But lots of people do 1.5 hrs each way 5 days a week so it’s not a mad idea and if you live the job and where you’re moving too you’ll be motivated!

Original poster
gooseberryfooled · 25/09/2025 07:59

slightlyoverbaked · 25/09/2025 07:56

It’s fine, when the trains are working!

True! But that would be the case where I live now (although admittedly I could get a bus from here)

OP posts:
warmapplepies · 25/09/2025 07:57

Sheiswaiting · 25/09/2025 07:56

How on earth can you conclude that without knowing how it compares with the OP’s salary?

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I wasn’t concluding anything 🙄 just giving my opinion.

That’s £240 a month just on travelling to work two days a week.

Original poster
gooseberryfooled · 25/09/2025 07:57

Sheiswaiting · 25/09/2025 07:55

What’s the delay in him started to work for himself?

I appreciate why you are asking but there are lots of reasons that aren't mine to go into on a public forum.

OP posts:
Original poster
gooseberryfooled · 25/09/2025 07:57

ThatGladTiger · 25/09/2025 07:54

I do this three times a week. 20 mins to station then 1hr 15 to London then 10 mins other side.

I’m not going to lie it is tiring, and my husband picks up the slack in the evening on London days. But it’s so worth it to come back to my beautiful house in the country. Moved in 2019 and have not regretted it.

Factor in train ticket costs. For 2 days you can probably buy advanced tickets at a discount but then you’re on a set train. Also look at car parking fees. At my station it’s £9.20 a day!!

What works for is me getting in early. I’m on the 7am train and at my desk at 8:30. I leave around 4:20 and home by 6:30. Making up the hours when I work from home. It’s really important to ensure you get an evening!

Do it OP! You won’t regret it :)

Thank you! Good tip on the parking fees too. I'm so happy it worked out for you and it does inspire me to do the same.

OP posts:
Sheiswaiting · 25/09/2025 07:56

warmapplepies · 25/09/2025 07:55

£60 a week to commute? Fuck that.

How on earth can you conclude that without knowing how it compares with the OP’s salary?

slightlyoverbaked · 25/09/2025 07:56

It’s fine, when the trains are working!

Divebar2021 · 25/09/2025 07:56

I did a 2 hour commute and it was murder but it was walk, train, train, train, walk. So half the hassle was the constant changing and argy barge on the platform. One train and less than 2 hours is definitely do-able.

Sheiswaiting · 25/09/2025 07:55

What’s the delay in him started to work for himself?

warmapplepies · 25/09/2025 07:55

£60 a week to commute? Fuck that.

Sheiswaiting · 25/09/2025 07:55

gooseberryfooled · 25/09/2025 07:54

Yep, he is very much in charge of the domestic during the week (I do my fair share at other times). Another poster asked if he will always be a SAHP - no, but he will work for himself and while DD is a child, will work around my job.

Show quote history

And this job…. Well paid and you enjoy?

Original poster
gooseberryfooled · 25/09/2025 07:55

Sheiswaiting · 25/09/2025 07:52

Is this a fairly high earning position op that you enjoy?

Depends what you mean by high earning! I earn enough for the live we lead.

OP posts:
ThatGladTiger · 25/09/2025 07:54

I do this three times a week. 20 mins to station then 1hr 15 to London then 10 mins other side.

I’m not going to lie it is tiring, and my husband picks up the slack in the evening on London days. But it’s so worth it to come back to my beautiful house in the country. Moved in 2019 and have not regretted it.

Factor in train ticket costs. For 2 days you can probably buy advanced tickets at a discount but then you’re on a set train. Also look at car parking fees. At my station it’s £9.20 a day!!

What works for is me getting in early. I’m on the 7am train and at my desk at 8:30. I leave around 4:20 and home by 6:30. Making up the hours when I work from home. It’s really important to ensure you get an evening!

Do it OP! You won’t regret it :)

Original poster
gooseberryfooled · 25/09/2025 07:54

Sheiswaiting · 25/09/2025 07:51

Your dh is a stay at home parent to one 8 year old presumably school attending child…. As long as he’s picking up 90% of house stuff and you’re coming home to dinner prepared, laundry done etc…. Sure, totally feasible

Yep, he is very much in charge of the domestic during the week (I do my fair share at other times). Another poster asked if he will always be a SAHP - no, but he will work for himself and while DD is a child, will work around my job.

OP posts:
Notmyreality · 25/09/2025 07:53

Similar commute to many including my DH who does it once a week or so. Main
issue is the expense. All the train tickets add up.

Original poster
gooseberryfooled · 25/09/2025 07:52

Bambamhoohoo · 25/09/2025 07:43

Do you know what, I’d just do it. Who knows what’s ahead of you in life? You might just get another job or do something else. You might decide the location is more important than the job if push comes to shove. May as well try though

This is my feeling too - my parents always wanted to relocate once my dad retired but he died at 59, and that was it. I don't want to put off my life because of a bit of inconvenience.

OP posts:
Sheiswaiting · 25/09/2025 07:52

Is this a fairly high earning position op that you enjoy?

Alongthetowpath · 25/09/2025 07:51

I used to do a similar commute. It was doable at the time (because I had to), then when I moved jobs I wondered how I had managed it for so long.

I would look at - how you are going to get to the station.

If it’s walking, I would think that was more manageable.
If it’s a bus, or a second train, you might well need to add extra contingency time for if it is late, cancelled etc, which might make the journey just too long overall.
If it’s driving, can you rely on finding a parking space?
— I would look at train times, do they match up well with your work hours? And if not, is your employer flexible with you arriving late/leaving early? I had to leave at a fixed time, and so only caught the most convenient connection home once in a blue moon. An extra ten minutes at work added 40 minutes to my overall travel time.

How frequent are the trains? If one is cancelled or you miss one but there’s another in twenty minutes or half an hour, fine (though that will get you down after a while if it keeps happening) If it’s an hour, or two hours, it becomes a much bigger obstacle.

Sheiswaiting · 25/09/2025 07:51

Your dh is a stay at home parent to one 8 year old presumably school attending child…. As long as he’s picking up 90% of house stuff and you’re coming home to dinner prepared, laundry done etc…. Sure, totally feasible

Original poster
gooseberryfooled · 25/09/2025 07:51

Thanks very much for all the thoughtful replies!

To answer some questions:

  • I don't think they will ever insist on 5 days in the office but of course things do change. Even if we don't move, that sort of change would probably prompt me to consider my options anyway. They wouldn't write it into my contract.
  • I wouldn't want to stay over night if I can help it, I'd rather be on a train and then with my family. I could definitely go in early and leave early, which would help with that. It is an option though, thanks to those who mentioned it.
  • It would be considerably more expensive - current commute is circa. £5.50 a day, new commute would be around £30. Still doable but obviously a much large chunk of the household spend.
OP posts:
warmapplepies · 25/09/2025 07:50

It’s doable but I think you’d start getting pretty sick of it after a few weeks.

Doingmybest12 · 25/09/2025 07:50

If I wasn't driving it, it is only 2 days and no worries about childcare , then I would manage it I think to live in my dream location. Also would consider staying overnight.

ishimbob · 25/09/2025 07:44

I suppose the other thing to consider is whether your DH is going to be a SAHP for the long term

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