Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That I could do this commute twice a week?

86 replies

gooseberryfooled · 25/09/2025 07:32

I've been WFH since 2020 but my employer has just mandated two days in the office for everyone in my department. There will be some flexibility but mostly I will be commuting twice a week, most weeks.

I am quite happy with this, I've been considering going in more for a while now and my current commute is a fairly easy 45 mins door to door (train and a bit of walking).

However, we (me, DH and DC8) have been planning to move house mid-next year. It's long planned and much wanted - we've found the exact village we want to move to and are very set on living by water and out in the country. But the move would out my commute at an hour and 20 minute train journey, plus around 15-20 minutes getting to and from train stations at either end (that might be reduced depending on how close to the village station we end up living). It would also be more expensive but manageable.

Am I being horribly unrealistic to think that's doable? There would be some weeks I could negotiate going only once to another office where more of my team sit so it might be 3 weeks out of 4. DH is a SAHP so no issues with childcare.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Sheiswaiting · 25/09/2025 13:23

gooseberryfooled · 25/09/2025 10:40

It isn't worth anything to me - you and your family are different people to me and mine. I didn't ask for your opinion on what's best for my child, and I've no idea why you think it's your job to give it.

Show quote history

Well that’s me told! 😆

Cbamuch · 25/09/2025 10:43

Over 3 hours a day commuting, twice a week, would not work for me.

Original poster
gooseberryfooled · 25/09/2025 10:40

Sheiswaiting · 25/09/2025 10:14

Although for what it’s worth, as the parent of teens..,, rural living would be a pain in the arse for them and me!

And if I had one child, I especially wouldn’t want to be cutting them off like this

It isn't worth anything to me - you and your family are different people to me and mine. I didn't ask for your opinion on what's best for my child, and I've no idea why you think it's your job to give it.

OP posts:
yoursweetpotatoesarebland · 25/09/2025 10:17

I do this commute twice a week but a drive instead of a train and slightly longer ~1hr 45 door to door. I stay overnight otherwise I think it would be exhausting. I’m a single mum and the one night I stay over is the one night my kids stay with their dad. Tbh I find it okay - it’s a bit tiring especially if there is traffic but taking the train and with not only a partner but a non working partner I think that would be absolutely fine.

Sheiswaiting · 25/09/2025 10:14

Although for what it’s worth, as the parent of teens..,, rural living would be a pain in the arse for them and me!

And if I had one child, I especially wouldn’t want to be cutting them off like this

Sheiswaiting · 25/09/2025 10:13

gooseberryfooled · 25/09/2025 09:38

Sure, but the other 5 days a week I would be living somewhere I love. If I get early trains, I will be home roughly an hour after my "normal" time.

And yes, of course we have considered the impact on our child of rural living, not the point of this thread.

Show quote history

So decision made then

Original poster
gooseberryfooled · 25/09/2025 10:08

BadActingParsley · 25/09/2025 09:49

My DH used to do this every day - and would meet people on the train who had a ferry trip from the IOW before they got on the train. They had a Friday gin and tonic club. He's very glad not to do it anymore but he made it work.

A ferry trip added on would probably put me off! Although it sounds almost romantic, taking a boat to work. I'm glad your DH doesn't have to do the long commute anymore, five days is a different thing altogether.

OP posts:
BadActingParsley · 25/09/2025 09:49

My DH used to do this every day - and would meet people on the train who had a ferry trip from the IOW before they got on the train. They had a Friday gin and tonic club. He's very glad not to do it anymore but he made it work.

Original poster
gooseberryfooled · 25/09/2025 09:38

Throwntothewolves · 25/09/2025 09:31

I wouldn't. You are swapping 3 hours travelling to/from work a week, for around 8 hours. Your office based days would be long and tiring, and on those days you would hardly see your child. What would you do if your employer wants you in the office more in future?
What is the point of living somewhere lovely if you're too tired to enjoy it?

Also, have you thought about how rural living may impact your child growing up? Sure it is great to have nice surroundings, but if they're miles from friends, and you have to taxi them everywhere, then it could be far from the idyllic life you picture.

Is there really nowhere you would like to live nearer to work?
Are there any similar jobs near to where you would like to live?

Edited

Sure, but the other 5 days a week I would be living somewhere I love. If I get early trains, I will be home roughly an hour after my "normal" time.

And yes, of course we have considered the impact on our child of rural living, not the point of this thread.

OP posts:
Throwntothewolves · 25/09/2025 09:31

I wouldn't. You are swapping 3 hours travelling to/from work a week, for around 8 hours. Your office based days would be long and tiring, and on those days you would hardly see your child. What would you do if your employer wants you in the office more in future?
What is the point of living somewhere lovely if you're too tired to enjoy it?

Also, have you thought about how rural living may impact your child growing up? Sure it is great to have nice surroundings, but if they're miles from friends, and you have to taxi them everywhere, then it could be far from the idyllic life you picture.

Is there really nowhere you would like to live nearer to work?
Are there any similar jobs near to where you would like to live?

Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 25/09/2025 09:30

Yes, it's doable twice a week.

Lots of people do 90 minutes each way every day of the week. Where I used to live that was the norm for those who worked in London.

I thought I could do 5 hours each way just once a week. I was wrong, it was horrendous.

Original poster
gooseberryfooled · 25/09/2025 09:26

GAJLY · 25/09/2025 09:14

I used to commute 3 times a week an hour and half each way. At first I didn't mind it, but when winter came, it killed me. I managed 2 years of that before leaving. I wfh now and so happy!

I love train travel in cold and dark of winter, so hopefully I won't mind it - I'm really glad you've been able to move to something that makes you happy though!

OP posts:
MortXYZ · 25/09/2025 09:25

Definitely do able I used to commute 1hr 25mins either way for 5 days a week and did it for 6 years.

Original poster
gooseberryfooled · 25/09/2025 09:24

BeaLola · 25/09/2025 09:20

That’s £240 a month just on travelling to work two days a week.

Slightly different but my 17 years old season ticket for college is just under 3k

OP I would go for it - years ago when I worked in London I commuted from the country - was 20min drive to Station, 1hr train and 15 min walk all week - doable for the life it gave us. You are absolutely right life is too short - go for your dream now.

A benefit will be if you can work sone times at the nearer office and if work are flexible on your timings .

Thank you, that's definitely how I view it and this thread has confirmed it for me. There isn't a closer office unfortunately, but they will be flexible on timing etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
gooseberryfooled · 25/09/2025 09:23

childofthe607080s · 25/09/2025 09:12

I wouldn’t
I occasionally had to do that sort of work trip / not even once a quarter and it shattered me for the whole week and meant I lost out on activity time/ me time

I already go to London (around a 5 hour round trip if I don't stay over) several times a year and although it's tiring, I usually find it more invigorating then anything!

OP posts:
Original poster
gooseberryfooled · 25/09/2025 09:21

nutbrownhare15 · 25/09/2025 09:03

Would you be able to sit and work on the train? That would make it more doable

I could yes, and I probably will, agree it makes it easier

OP posts:
BeaLola · 25/09/2025 09:20

That’s £240 a month just on travelling to work two days a week.

Slightly different but my 17 years old season ticket for college is just under 3k

OP I would go for it - years ago when I worked in London I commuted from the country - was 20min drive to Station, 1hr train and 15 min walk all week - doable for the life it gave us. You are absolutely right life is too short - go for your dream now.

A benefit will be if you can work sone times at the nearer office and if work are flexible on your timings .

GAJLY · 25/09/2025 09:14

I used to commute 3 times a week an hour and half each way. At first I didn't mind it, but when winter came, it killed me. I managed 2 years of that before leaving. I wfh now and so happy!

childofthe607080s · 25/09/2025 09:12

I wouldn’t
I occasionally had to do that sort of work trip / not even once a quarter and it shattered me for the whole week and meant I lost out on activity time/ me time

NotableI · 25/09/2025 09:12

With a SAHD, not a problem at all! I have a longer commute twice a week and ime sitting on a train with a book is easier than wrangling a child.

nutbrownhare15 · 25/09/2025 09:03

Would you be able to sit and work on the train? That would make it more doable

warmapplepies · 25/09/2025 09:02

ishimbob · 25/09/2025 08:55

I don't want to derail the thread but fwiw I think a lot of people massively underestimate the cost of car ownership

www.cinch.co.uk/guides/ask-the-experts/tco-total-cost-of-ownership-and-why-it-matters

Show quote history

I’m including MOT, service and repairs in my costs.i put aside a chunk every month to cover them.

But even so, cars give you a certain freedom that public transport doesn’t. I don’t have to wait for a train or worry about what I’ll do if there’s a delay. I can leave early or stay late without having to plan way ahead of time. I don’t have to plan my journey so that I catch the right train for the right connecting bus service etc.

OP’s costs only get her to work and back twice a week, whereas (fuel aside) the same costs for a car would cover days out for the whole family etc.

warmapplepies · 25/09/2025 08:58

HauntedHero · 25/09/2025 08:18

My opinion is that £240 a month just on commuting is a lot of money and not something to take on lightly.

I would imagine for people using public transport that's a fairly normal commute cost. I used to do Oxford to Reading and that's over 20 quid a day if travelling at peak times for a half hour journey.

I used to do a 90 minute drive (each way) twice a week. Whilst it wasn't my favourite thing, it was perfectly manageable.

It may be normal (which is ridiculous when you think about it) but it’s the kind of thing you need to consider when taking on a new job.

I used to spend £40 on fuel and drive for almost 20 hours a week to get to/from work and that was borderline. Of course we’re all different but there is absolutely no way I would go back to that kind of commute now - it’s just absolutely not worth it.

ishimbob · 25/09/2025 08:55

warmapplepies · 25/09/2025 08:47

My car costs me less than £240 a month.

It also gives me much, much more freedom than public transport!

Show quote history

I don't want to derail the thread but fwiw I think a lot of people massively underestimate the cost of car ownership

www.cinch.co.uk/guides/ask-the-experts/tco-total-cost-of-ownership-and-why-it-matters

warmapplepies · 25/09/2025 08:47

ishimbob · 25/09/2025 08:25

I find people are a bit weird about public transport costs.

It's less than the cost of running a car which many people will cheerfully do even on a very low salary.

OP - when I used to do this kind of train commute, I found the key was having a plan for the journey. I used to do life admin on the way in while drinking coffee brought from home, my online grocery shop, any bank transfers, that kind of thing (you may have less of this with a SAHP) and then the way back was all for me - would read a book or watch a film.

Show quote history

My car costs me less than £240 a month.

It also gives me much, much more freedom than public transport!