To wonder what kind of partner would accept me being estranged from my family?

If im completely honest this would put me of a partner i would be understanding of someone going no contact with a family member but if its the whole family parents, siblings, grandparents, cousins, aunties, uncle, nephews and nieces id see you as the problem

My best friend loves the fact she married an orphan. No terrible in-laws.

I don’t see it being issue unless you also basically have zero friends. Then it would be a case of you seem to have nobody at all in your life.

I’m assuming you mean adult / sibling family rather than your kids.

tbh it’s either they take on no contact or a presumably mental awful family to spend Christmas and birthdays with. I know what I’d prefer.

everyone has their shit that they think is off putting to potential partners. This is much better than lots of the stuff you read on MN!

good luck! Don’t let it hold you back- it’s small. Focus on the stuff you have to offer x

I can totally relate to this and it’s one of the reasons I haven’t dated as I hate the thought of having to explain it to people, I know people are saying there are loads of people in the same situation but ime it’s unusual and most people I meet are close to their family and see family as a really important thing and would find it a bit of a red flag

Soke people who have great families often cant get their head round it when others don't

My sister and I haven't spoken in 6 years. I dont miss her, I dont even think about her. Her absence cases me no issues and over the years I just dont mention her. In fact most people i work with currently domt even know i have a sister.

My dh has only met her once because my mum insisted I had to invite her to the wedding. She didn't speak to either of us, showed up, look miserable, muttered under her breath and according to a friend was quite disparaging about me...her husband asked who the grumpy cunt behind him was 🤣🤣. She ate her meal and then left without saying a word.

Dh has never really asked or cared about why we dont speak. It's no great secret, we discussed it when we first got together but it has never been an issue.

If this guy cares about you he wont care.

There is a lot to be said for the adage "those who matter don't care, and those who care don't matter".

Stop giving it head room, it needs a simple, I dont have any family or I dont have anything to do with my famiky and move on. The more you get into it the more people feel they have a right to an opinion.

Honestly, in my callow youth I was quietly judgy about cutting off family members. Then I met my now-DH and completely get it. If you haven’t encountered toxic/batshit/narcissistic people in a family context it’s hard to understand it - my family has its own share of eccentricities and dysfunction but everyone is basically decent and trying their best to muddle through. My late MIL was poison and my BIL is astonishingly awful. So I get it now, and I feel bad for believing that you should never “give up on” your family. My DH is a really great husband and father, he does have non-awful (lovely actually) extended family and close friends so although he’s definitely not unscathed by his childhood, he’s very much broken that cycle.

@YourQuietOliveCourage 15 years later my husband has never met nor has any wish to meet my parents I've been estranged from them since I was 18 because they're toxic. Do what's right for you and sod the rest.

People never realise how bad it is and think you're being cruel IME. Even really close friends make comments like "surely all families are like that". There is no way of anybody understanding unless they're in the same boat.

Look on it as a simple way to sort the wheat from the chaff. A prospective partner is bound to be curious about why but once he starts trying to 'help' resolve you need to he clear about your boundaries. If he's making comments about what you should do then he is is overstepping. He may feel that he is helping you. Tell him clearly why he should stop and if he persists then he's too judgemental/is also a controlling bastard etc and finish it.

Birds of a feather. There are a huge number of people out there who aren’t on great terms with their families and will understand. Don’t be surprised if you find one of them.

Following as I could've written this post. 33, with one dd, estranged from my birth family for 5.5 years!

Solidarity, op, its a tough road but one i am okay with walking along ❤️💐.

I have no idea how I will have a romantic relationship. But I hope to one day xx