Devastated: boy keeps trying to touch DD's private parts

Hi op, Im a reception teacher and only thing id add is I'd request a formal meeting with the teacher and the safeguarding lead (often a head or assistant head) as a follow up. Not just a chat.

Also, if it's the playground there may be cctv. I'd ask to see that too but Im not sure if theyll let you Im not sure of the rules.

I'd check it has been logged as a safeguarding concern (schools often use a site called cpoms to log these). They probably have but just incase. I worked for a head who didn't used to log stuff!!!

I'm sorry you're experiencing this it's awful.

This is awful. I can see why you’re so upset.

I’d honestly be reporting the family to social services.

This! As much as it's a horrible thing for your daughter to have gone through, the boy in question is Reception aged too. Don't go in guns blazing, you've alerted the school now let them handle it. They will be trained to deal with exactly this sort of situation and more commonly than you expect.

This is a really good response.

A girl in DC2's year 5 class was offering the boys blow jobs and simulating having sex.. the school didn't really deal with it sufficiently and it carried on for months..

I asked that my son was not asked to partner / sit next to her. She has been abused by her brother and was in care so it was very sad but I didn't feel the school did enough to keep the other children safe.

Eventually they all left primary and went to different secondaries. But there was a complete lack of safeguarding for the other children.. Some of the teachers were unaware of the situation..

This is massive red flag behaviour and school should be referring it to social care.

OMG OP that’s horrific. You need to go into the school and ask to speak to the safeguarding lead. I would speak to social services too, I dread to think how that boy has learned that behaviour.

Try and frame it as calmly as you can- it’s a fine line to tread between assuring her you are taking it seriously, and frightening her.

She won’t understand this the way you do so should fairly easily move past it as long as it’s handled calmly and the boy is stopped.

’we need to make sure Freddy knows that he mustn’t ask to look at people’s privates- privates are private!’

yeah she wouldn’t have been able to show him pictures thank god, but he asked her to take a picture on a phone for him. hence why i was immediately concerned because why on earth would a 4 year old even know what that is! apparently conclusion was that he has 2 teenage siblings and they think he overheard them but i still think it’s horrendous that he’s aware of the concept

The school will be all over this and get yhe relevant professionals involved. I am a little surprised yhid is happening st school az it is quite difficult to get a hand inside someone else's pants in a playground situation. If
especially as the little ones are quite closely supervised.

Absolutely this. It’s an enormous safeguarding concern for him as well as OP’s daughter. What a sad state of affairs.

This is deeply disturbing behaviour. You are right to be extremely concerned for your daughter. There is also an issue about the boy’s welfare.

Going too nuclear is likely to harm your daughter more.

This is awful for her but that little boy is in Reception. Him resorting to this behaviour is troubling for him too. It speaks of him being a victim too

The school will be all over it now. And they've already said they want to speak to you. Don't go in all guns blazing and creating a scene until you've heard what they have to say

School safeguarding lead here. This scenario is much more common than people think.

It is not unusual for Reception aged children to be highly curious about bodies and about private parts in particular. Among this age group showing/asking to see others private parts or thinking it's funny to touch another child there is quite common. When this happens, in the first instance we would talk to the children involved individually, to make sure they understand that what happened was not safe and not appropriate. The same day the class teacher would also re-cap Protective Behaviours with the whole class (teaches an ability to recognise when we are not feeling safe, seek help when needed and respect others right to feel safe) which is part of our PSHE curriculum and something we teach all children.

Parents would be spoken to, directed to resources like the NSPCC pants rule etc and asked to re-enforce the "private parts are private" message at home.

The child who had been touched would be directed to a designated person/place to go to if they had any worries or felt unsafe in any way at break times. A TA would be asked to check in with them regularly to make sure they were ok. Seating plans would be rejigged so they did not have to sit near the child in question. Their parents would also be spoken to and I would be encouraging them to contact me directly with any further concerns.

The child would be monitored and if there were repeat incidents of inappropriate touching, despite them having been given very clear messages about it being unsafe and not ok, then that would raise a higher level of concern. We would ensure the child was supervised 1:1 by a member of staff at all times, including at break times and being escorted to and from the toilet, not easy at all as there would be no additional funding, and our staff are already spread very thin, but we would make it work. We would be seeking advice from Children's Services at this point, although in my experience they would not necessarily take any action aside from advising us to do the things listed above, which we would already have done. They would most likely only get involved directly after repeated referrals, if the behaviour escalated in severity, if there were also concerns about the child's behaviour towards siblings at home, or if the child disclosed abuse or was saying things (referencing sexual acts or using explicit language for example) that suggested they were being abused.

Many posters on this thread will make assumptions that any child who inappropriately touches another child must have been sexually abused. This is not necessarily the case, although we absolutely would be vigilant to that possibility. The idea that Children's Services would automatically "look into" this child's home life based on the behaviour described in the OP is not realistic I'm afraid.

My advice OP would be to speak to the DSL at your school and hear them out. If you're not reassured after your conversation then contact Children's Services, you should be able to find the number for your local Multi Agency Safeguarding Hub via a quick Internet search.

Calling the Police is pointless in the scenario described in the OP. They will not even log it because no crime has been commited. They would tell you to speak to your child's school and if you're still concerned, contact Children's Services. They will not get involved.

I'm a teacher.
35 years experience and I have seen and dealt with this exact scenario.

Without going into detail, within 5 minutes of being alerted to the situation, all of the relevant professionals had been contacted and all of the necessary steps were taken to safeguard all of the children concerned.

I imagine your school will do exactly the same.

Happened to my dd in reception. School dealt with it immediately. As far as I know, it’s not affected her and she’s a lot older now. It hard but trust the school do the right thing. If they don’t, keep putting more pressure on.

When you next speak to the school OP, an expression that you can use is 'risk assessment'. You can ask whether a a risk assessment been in put in place in order to prevent this boy from causing harm to your daughter or other pupils and what steps is the school taking in order to safeguard your daughter from further assault.

If they say that no risk assessment is in place, then ask them why not.

Just in terms of practicality. Is she wearing a skirt or dress? The first thing I’d do is put her in a pair of trousers so this boy wouldn’t be able to touch her private parts. Secondly this is seen as very serious in my school and would flag up as a possible safeguarding/child at risk situation in regard to the boy. I would want a meeting with the head of year and I wouldn’t be fobbed off.

Also to add, is it worth getting your daughter to have a code word with the teacher? Could she say something like “I’m hungry/my foot hurts/I need help with my shoes” as code for “this boy is upsetting me again”. Maybe a strategy where she can alert an adult that something is wrong so they can take her to one side and speak to her without her having to ‘tell on’ the boy directly if he is around; lots of children don’t like ‘telling on’ others so this could be a quick way for her to get help and space

I would not want that child in the same class as mine.

I hope the school will take this very seriously, for your DDs sake and also for the little boy. I work in early years and I would be making a referral to SS as it is peer on peer abuse (and red flag for sexual abuse) so I expect the school will too. At your DDs age she won’t realise how unacceptable this behaviour is, so you will be feeling much more than her, which will hopefully be a small amount of comfort

You have told the school. They will be all over this.

Oh gosh that’s awful. I’d follow up with the school and ask to speak to the most senior Designated Safeguarding Lead (DSL). This is worrying, for your daughter of course, but also for the boy… he’s likely getting that behaviour from somewhere. Can totally understand why you’re panicking and distraught, but keep the pressure on with school and insist the boy is supervised at all times when around other children because this really could be classed as peer on peer abuse.

I used to be DSL and there were some children we never allowed to be alone with others and they were always supervised because we had concerns. Could be very innocent but could also be a sign that this boy is being sexually abused and that’s what really worries me. I dealt with two cases where that was suspected and it was harrowing

Definitely follow up and ask to speak to the DSL at drop off tomorrow. Our school office is also open during the day to call into and I imagine that they would make time for this. You shouldn't have to but as a stop gap measure cycling shorts or tights - a lot of girls wear shorts under summer dresses and tights in the winter. It's an extra layer to buy your daughter time to get adult support