Devastated: boy keeps trying to touch DD's private parts

WTAF - DS is 9 and have never heard anything like this happening. Your poor daughter - school needs to protect her. And the family of the boy need looking into - that is appalling

Just in relation to your last paragraph. If it was reported to police, it would get recorded and it is a crime. However, it would get filed almost immediately as child is under the age of criminal responsibility. Police would probably just check that a Children’s Services referral had been made and that school were dealing.

doesnt sit right with me either surely running this out at first instance is a better way some authorities have a one bruise police why not extend that better to be safe then sorry surely instead of leaving a vulnerable child in an unsafe situation because traffic lights say so

and this seems to be a learned behaviour which means this boy could be being abused at home how is a slap gonna help

I actually disagree with this poster. This is not common behaviour. Also work in schools and sen schools and not common at all. Also you are talking very highly of schools and their follow up protocols. You should not give this mum reassurance that may not be met and likely not met by a school. There is no money in schools. Op needs to take care of her girl and not rely on the school.

So you think a boy chasing a girl repeatedly and trying to put his fingers down her pants repeatedly is within the range of normal do you?

As part of the above, this summary is useful. https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/media/2685/responding-to-children-who-display-sexualised-behaviour-guide.pdf

This is serious in keeping children safe. It needs keeping in context of young children. NSPCC provide information researched and written by experts. Good information for everyone.

https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/child-abuse-and-neglect/harmful-sexual-behaviour/understanding#article-top

Well you clearly know better than the expert s who devised the sexualbehaviour traffic light system im view of you having had experience of just 3 children

What's a dick pick? Is it like a toothpick, or more of an ice pick? 🤔

Wow. This is a four-year-old boy you’re talking about, not a dog.

I work in a school. This is a massive red flag for safeguarding and it would be taken very seriously in my school and hopefully yours.

You do not need to report to governors, police or social services. Start with the school DSL and let them guide you from there. They will have received extensive training on how to approach this situation and support your daughter and her family.

I'm sorry she has experienced this, it's not ok.

Oh ffs.

He clearly comes from a home where he has heard of or is aware of people sending dick picks or sexting and tried that language on a classmate.

I am amazed at the number of posters saying things like "natural curiosity" or normal for reception aged children.

I have reared three children and been a child and this is NOT normal. It really isn't so the OP's child needs to be protected and the child doing this needs to be protected because something is going on here.

I'd be so in all guns blazing on this one.

How awful for your daughter

well done her for telling you and saying no to the boy

major red flags why he thinks this is appropriate behaviour - it’s sexual assault god bless her

teachers all need to know about this boy and watch him carefully at break time and speak to his parents

💐💐 for you both

Do not let this lie. Advocate for your daughter. Go see the headteacher. Get a plan in writing in place as to what’s being done to protect your daughter. This is a safeguarding issue, not just for your daughter but also to the boy, and they need to be asking some serious questions as to where he’s learnt this

Sadly OP I have a good idea how your daughter likely feels. It is good that your daughter felt confident enough to tell you. When it happened to me the school spoke to the boy and his parents and it was enough to make it stop. I am 41 now though and even though it was over 35 years ago I have never forgotten it. I hope the school speaking to the boy and his parents and the school talking about boundaries will be enough to make it stop. All you can do is make sure your daughter knows she can continue to tell you anything and ask for the school to keep an extra special eye during playtime.

Tell her you’re speaking to the teachers and asking them to stop the boy playing with her. Then take her into school tomorrow and ask to speak to the HT, DHT or DSL because you want to know what their plan is and how they are going to make dd safe.

Sadly these things happen in most school, however what’s important is how the school handle it and make dd feel safe.

It maybe this boys natural curiosity or it may be more. The school should be contacting the appropriate safeguard leads at the LA and anyone else their procedure requires them to. When I had similar (my dd wasn’t touched though) I made the phone call and just turned up next morning, the DSL & class teacher sat with me talked things though, NB I wasn’t the first parent to make contact about him, they showed me the table they work of for age appropriate curiosity, what’s expected from child and parents what’s a concern etc. in my case there were some lines being blurred on age appropriate curiosity and concerns but not extreme concerns, the parents were extremely apologetic and engaged with the school. The child wasn’t allowed around other children unsupervised which meant sometimes he stay inside on his own at playtimes. I was fully confident the school were doing everything they could. Not that I woulnt have pulled my dd if things had gotten worse. The child has come a long way and still attends the school, I’ve not heard anyone complain about him for a long time.

i hope your dd is ok x

With a ratio of 1:30 at playtime you are generally permanently either doing first aid or talking to children, especially as they've only just started school there's always a few chatting to you or needing help with water bottles / jumpers / hairbands etc. Im only disagreeing with you as I think it'd be pointless for OP to push this aspect and much better off pushing the safeguarding incident and monitoring of the situation moving forwards.

Make up a small card and put it in her pocket so it says something like “I need teacher help” or “I am frightened”. Laminate it if possible. If she is upset at school tell her she can hand this to the yard duty teacher, or any adult employee at the school. That way if she doesn’t have the words or if she is shy she can still advocate for herself. Tell the teacher what you are going and ask them to inform all staff.

Can you speak to the safeguarding lead at the school (as well as the head - I would argue it’s so bad it should go to the top)? I’m so sorry for your daughter - this is just awful.

The teachers need to speak to all the children about their bodies being theirs and other people’s belonging to that person - a very simplified conversation about boundaries and personal privacy essentially. I have a boy the same age as yours daughter and I have spoken to him about this - they can grasp these things, I think.

I would worry where the boy has learnt this too - but that’s a question for school (and maybe social services).

I hope the school can put a stop to this immediately and that your daughter is ok.

OP, I’m glad you’re being taken seriously. Definitely stand your ground! We had a similar issue as outlined below, and as the boy had a very sad back story (not involving abuse) the school were very protective of him and it took a serious incident for them to acknowledge the issues he was causing.

One boy kept touching the other boys in my son’s school. It took years for the school to take it seriously as the teachers didn’t observe the behaviour, or when they did it must have looked like play time or roughhousing. It involved touching, pulling down pants, and the like. I know boys can get physical but you could tell this was different as many of the boys found it very difficult to talk to their parents about it. One family only found out after they took their son to a therapist for sleep issues. By the end every family with a son in his class had been to talk to the head teacher about it.

This went on from year 1 or 2 (we weren’t in the same class) until the boy left the school after year 4.

or I should say that he was made to leave. He ended up crossing a red line during a residential trip and things finally came to a head.