Dentist said he'd report me

I'd see if you can get a referral to community dental services/ special needs dentistry to see if they can work with him better / can refer him to a better dentist for braces.

It's unclear if he's going to cope with the implications of having braces (no hard sweets, permanent retainer afterwards, very frequent appointments, the dentist fiddling in his mouth, toothbrushing requirements, his mouth hurting after the braces have been adjusted etc).

Even if he isn't in law capable of withholding consent to the treatment, this isn't something where treating him against his wishes is reasonable if the issue is simply that he has wonky teeth / an overbite/ overjet etc.

You could do with advice from your usual dentist about whether the issue is cosmetic or one that poses risks to him - not where he falls on the IOTN but what the actual risks are of him not having fixed straighter teeth. If there's some sort of bigger problem then you have a better arguement for referral and treatment.

I have no advice beyond what's already been posted but just wanted to sympathise..
Yesterday in a meeting with a HCP my autistic DC was asked "would you want xxx"
The answer was no because "want" was not correct. DC understood the reasons behind xxx but did not "want" that

Wow! What a twat! @Shmee1988 my son is also 13 with adhd and autism spectrum. He had his braces fitted last week. He told the dentist he doesn't want them but agreed to having them. What an absolute idiot. Kick up a fuss! He needs them in before he reached adulthood.

I work in Orthodontics. It seems he is implying that you are trying to coerce ypur son. I work in a hospital setting, and we see the more complex of cases. We do ask our patients young and old what they think about wearing braces. This gives an indication of the compliance level. The respinses can often vary widely from a definate no way, no response, a shrug of shoulders or a don't mind.
Occassionaly the odd would LIKE to have braces. With neurodiverse patients its often a negative response to braces due sensory or orher difficulties and can often involve a lot of acclimatisation. As rhe aunty of autistic/adhd children. I totally get the litrral thing. The way it was phrased to your son would have been interpreted as a "like" and not a "want" or need. So yes, if erre you. I would complain about him.

It is not the dentist’s job to fit braces on a patient who doesn’t want them.

In fact, he would be in danger of losing his licence to practise if he did so.

That.

I would push and literally ask for the appt back as your son has additional needs and that it wasn’t taken into consideration. Do make it clear that you will complain for being dismissed as his primary carer. Use about everything that you can to jump the queue and get back what you should. I am sure they can fit you in in between as it was their mistake.

Of course a 13years old can’t be forced to have braces. Your son will have to state that he doesn’t like it but will have them as he needs them.

That dentist sounds like an absolute eejit . Not listening to you when u are explaining that ur son has this diagnosis & has additional support needs is an abuse of his position . You need to make a complaint & report him . Telling u that ur son would have to wait 5 years for treatment ??? Sounds like he was enjoying that power that he had over u . Horrible man

i had a similar experience when I took my daughter for her referral. After her first appointment the receptionist called to make the next appointment but asked if we even wanted it because the dentist didn’t “feel like she wanted it” at this point he hadn’t explained what she would need at all, so she was obviously nervous after friends telling her horror stories. At the next appointment he just went “do you want a brace?” Again without explaining at all what it would involve for her, what her options would be etc, so she said no not really & he went try again in 2 years. I was fuming, no teenager really wants a brace but most will understand the difference between wanting and needing it. Luckily we were able to wait a year and started the private route & when I explained our experience with the nhs orthodontist to our new one she said it sadly wasn’t the first time she’d heard a similar story about him. It felt like he didn’t want to do the nhs work & jumped on the chance to get her off his list

I have not read all the response but I suspect the answer is not clear cut. Neurodiversity alone is a reason to assume a person doesn't have capacity. However, there probably should be a process to clarify if sone is able to make a decision. I think would be unreasonable for dentist to take your word for unless it was very evident that you child has specific needs.

Haven’t rtft but if he’s got SEN could he be referred to community dentistry?

Yes this happened to my dd (14) and autistic. She said no to braces and that was that. Luckily her teeth are no awful but it is a little odd.

@Shmee1988 please refer to the Oliver McGowan policy to your son’s dentist - it’s new training compulsory for all healthcare workers, where it highlights the importance of listening to a carer/parent/guardian when treating people with learning difficulties or disabilities, as often important decisions are made without consulting the person who knows the patient best, and has had very negative outcomes. It’s outrageous that you’re expected to go back on the waiting list for your son, good luck with appealing his decision.

100% follow this up. What child 'wants braces' and the dentist clearly was not understanding of your sons position at all. I would go to my local MP and bring this to their attention and see if you can see another ortho. It would be terrible to need to wait another extensive period of time

Clearly, you have a very limited understanding of neurodiversity if you believe this.

How utterly ridiculous. Why would you willingly wait for three years on an already obscenely long waiting list to be told this? I'd get a letter sent to your MP so they can push the referral along more quickly for you - hopefully with a different dentist who isn't a monumental tool. Then you have it in writing. This is what I've done for my daughter as she's been waiting 3 years and I want to make sure she is still young enough to get treatment on the NHS.

Surely though a neurodiverse child doesn't have the capacity to understand this. My daughter is autistic and an absolute nightmare with anything from ultrasounds to the dentist.

I understand your anger, but not having braces is not life threatening and your orthodontist might have a huge list of children and teens clamouring to have braces, so I understand his position too.
13 is definitely old enough to be asked- if he hasn't even been assessed for autism yet it really can't be part of the argument.

he's probably supposed to only treat 50% of kids due to budget concerns so he asks that question to eliminate 50% of kids. My son has braces and doesnt have ADHD pr autism but he'd still answer "no" to any question related to "do you like having braces", because he doesnt, who does? can you afford to go private?

Report him to the GDC

IMO the dentist asked the wrong question. Especially if SEN is involved.

Do you want braces? No

Do you understand why braces are useful and would you like to try the treatment? Sure

It’s like asking if someone with cancer wants a mastectomy, no of course they don’t, do they understand why it’s important and would they like that treatment, well yes.

I get this when doctors ask “is there any chance you can be pregnant?” Technically I am a sexually active female in prime reproductive age. So the answer is Yes.
If the question is “is it likely you are pregnant” well I haven’t actually had sex in 6 weeks and I’ve had a period since then so no, it’s unlikely- although not impossible.

IMO words matter.

Dentist was of course an utter twat and you should take it further but OP, I think you do need to take some personal responsibility here. He’s your child and you know what he’s like, you should be talking him through social scripts before these sorts of appointments and appropriate behaviour. It sounds like there’s a bit more to this and perhaps he didn’t want to treat your son due to concerns about his behaviour.

I would also remind the dentist that as the child’s parent with PR, you have the right to consent to the treatment even if your child did say no anyway.

Also in terms of reporting you - to who and for what? Did you get into an argument with the dentist? Did the dentist feel threatened? I’m not saying this was the case, but it does feel like there are some more details here.

Virtually identical experience 20 years ago. NHS orthodontist said son 'not ready' for braces on multiple visits. Lo and behold as soon as he was 17 he was 'suitable' but wait list too.long so not eligible under NHS. 'Twas ever thus. He was a 'very eminent' orthodontist, supposedly 'one of the best' but I think he had a budget to work to and he thought we could afford to go private (we couldn't).

This is a very strange reaction. Must be something else going on.

Well my parents decided that because I didn’t want braces (they only asked once, and like op’s son I didn’t really want them) they didn’t pursue it. I have had wonky teeth that I hate all my life and I bloody well wish they had tried a bit harder to persuade me. I was 14. I was old enough to make my own decision but not old enough to make a good decision.

i would go to another orthodontist