Breast cancer clinic - a problem shared or keep schtum?

I don’t think there is any right or wrong here.
My experience has been lumps every 2yrs or so since i was breast feeding at 29, now mid 40’s, fortunately, so far all have been harmless cysts which I’m told are hormone driven but they still like to check them out. I usually tell DH but really I feel now no point worrying anyone till I know, but I did feel very nervous the first time so understand the desire to share.
Once went to see the consultant privately as we had a holiday booked and didn’t want to be worrying - they produced a comedy sized syringe and drained it there and then, so be prepared for all eventualities OP.
Best wishes.

I had a recall after a mammogram and was really scared. Turned out to be a tiny cancerous lump and I had a lumpectomy, radiotherapy and oestrogen suppressing drugs for a few years. That was fifteen years ago and all has been well ever since. I’m writing to say if you want to keep it between yourself and your husband do so. I did not tell anyone else initially as I could not cope with having to go through it all repeatedly however well meaning. In my experience you really need someone with you for the appointment when you get the results. I was completely devastated and could barely take in what I was being told. Eventually I told my sisters and over the years one or two friends - usually only if they are in a similar position and I can offer support. I never told my elderly mother as she would have been too distressed and had her own problems to cope with. It is easier to talk about once you have come to terms with it yourself. Good luck

I think it’s a personal preference thing. I went alone to my clinic appointment. Although I wasn’t formally diagnosed until the biopsy results the following week, I was left with very little doubt it was a breast cancer I was dealing with. I liked being able to absorb the news first before deciding who to tell and when.

I told someone because it felt right to to get a little bit of support, and it was my friend.

I told my friend but not my husband. He recently lost someone very close to him to cancer and I didn't want him spiralling down it just wouldn't have been helpful for either of us.

My friend on the other hand is fairly used to investigations and nothing being found and fairly pragmatic and allowed me to share without getting dramatic. I was happy that someone was thinking about me but also that she would be realistic.

It was nothing and after a couple of years of being 'kept a bit of an eye on' I'm back on regular mammogram checks.

Good luck.

I had some discharge and was put on the 2 week pathway.

I actually didn't tell my husband until after the results of the biopsy because his anxiety actually makes me more anxious (not his fault but he is a fusser and i can not stand fussing)
I ended up having a pre-cancerous lump and had a small operation.
it was all handled so quickly and I was grateful for the care.
I just prefer to quietly get on with it but that's me.

I think for me sometimes people ask questions or say the wrong thing inadvertently and I don't find it helpful.

There is def no right or wrong and you need to do what helps you the best!

good luck.

You've already shared with your DH. I can't see the point in making an announcement to others.

FWIW I didn't even tell DH so had to break it to him after the appointment. They generally know what they are looking at and told me they were 99% certain it was cancer. Which I wasn't expecting.

Best of luck

IF there is anything to worry about will they wish I'd pre-warned them? And if the boot was on the other foot I'd want them / my kids / friends to confide in me

It's not about what is most helpful to them right now. What would be most helpful to you? (Though I can understand not wanting to worry your mum unless you need to - sister is different i think).

Your choice entirely.

The only thing I would say is my mum regretted telling people as instead of support, she got lots of wacky and stupid advice and even some MLM type sales for some juice. Everyone has an opinion on cancer treatment apparently and what causes it. So only tell people you trust for now.

Statistically I'll be ok, I don't have a lump (although it feels a bit solid behind my nipple but I have v small boobs so could be muscle?) the only real issue I have is a bizarre bright orange discharge that started a while back but is now worse and drips

Entirely up to you if you want to tell people or not but I just wanted to reassure you and say I had this exact symptom and it turned out to be an intraductal papilloma - not cancer, nothing to worry about. They removed it in a very simple operation and I barely even have a scar! So chances are you’ll be all good.

This resonates with me. I've just had a recall appointment after a mammogram. I had one before and the results were benign calcifications so I'm hoping for the same again. However I have no one to come with me. My best friend is no longer here and my daughter simply couldn't find the time. By that I mean she is dealing with her mil having cancer treatment at the moment and she has two small children to deal with too. She would come with me if I asked but I won't ask. I'm fairly stoic so I'll go alone and hope for the best

Do what’s best for you, but please keep talking to us if it helps, and you don’t want to tell people in real life.

The waiting for the appointment is one of the hardest parts, as you have all the ‘what ifs’ and imagine the worst case scenario. Even people who don’t normally suffer from health anxiety will experience this.

Fingers crossed for Friday. From my experience, there can be waiting around so take a book, drink etc to keep you occupied.

I honestly can't vote on this one as I don't know how you prefer to deal with difficult situations like this - are you usually quite stoic and need support afterwards, or do you prefer to have someone with you to talk things over in advance and then maybe come with you on the day?

Neither is wrong, we are all different. I am the former, which means I would tell just one closest confidante - your husband in this case - and while I wouldn't need them to come with me, I would want them to be available to meet me afterwards and spend time with me to come to terms with whatever I found out - good or bad. I would tell others once I knew the diagnosis and the way forward.

My best friend is the latter - she needs people to talk to her so that she doesn't overthink or catastrophise in advance of the appointment, she also doesn't like going to appointments on her own as otherwise she ruminates in the waiting room. So it's either me or her partner who provides that support for her.

I wish you lots of luck and hope that there is a straightforward explanation for your symptoms and that if you need any treatment that is swift and successful.

My experience of BC was that the first appointment was to take a biopsy and that the results were not given until at least a week later.

Previous to that I had a non- cancerous lump.

In my case with cancer they told me to ensure someone was there for the second appointment. They also hinted quite strongly that it was likely to be cancer.

I was happy to be by myself for the first appointment and not to tell anyone (apart from DH) until it was actually confirmed. Then I knew enough to answer their questions.

It's up to you. Just going to one of these appointments is stressful I found. If you tell other people they may have questions or emotional needs or say unintentionally frightening things. You know them best.

I haven’t voted as I think you need to do what’s right for you, and that sounds as if it’s to keep schtum until you’ve had your appointment. I actually told my DH and by best friend who came with me so my DH could be at home for
the school run. Unfortunately mine was cancerous, but I was pleased that I hadn’t told more people and had them worrying while I waited for the appointment and we only told the kids once we know what my treatment plan would be.
I hope everything goes well for you at your appointment.