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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be surprised and disappointed by this man's assumption?

87 replies

BeHappySloth · 24/09/2025 13:12

Answered the door at lunchtime on a wfh day, it was a guy from ipsos wanting to do a survey. He had a proper ID etc.

I was happy to do the survey, and we went through the questions. One of them was about whether I was the primary income earner in the household. He read the question and then added, before I had an opportunity to respond, "presumably that's your husband". (I had already told him that I was married.)

AIBU to be surprised and disappointed that someone would still openly voice such an assumption in this day and age? Even if he thought it, I would have expected him to know better than to say it?

FWIW, the assumption was incorrect but that shouldn't really matter.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeHappySloth · 24/09/2025 13:31

LadyKenya · 24/09/2025 13:28

I would have terminated the survey, then, and there citing the need to go back to work🙄.

Tbh, I wish I had done that, or called him out on it in some way. I regretted it afterwards but just couldn't think what to say at the time.

OP posts:
SilenceInside · 24/09/2025 13:29

There is a difference between making an assumption, hopefully based on something factual like the existing disparity in wages between women and men, and actually voicing it out loud.

If this chap was doing a survey, he should not be making any assumptions about any of the data he is trying to gather, as that's rather the point of collecting data in the first place. How simple would it be to just have asked "who in the household is the primary income earner?" - no need for his opinions as well.

LadyKenya · 24/09/2025 13:28

I would have terminated the survey, then, and there citing the need to go back to work🙄.

Original poster
BeHappySloth · 24/09/2025 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I suppose I should be grateful for the fact that you're incapable of believing that this actually happened. I'm happy for you that you haven't ever been exposed to this kind of thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeHappySloth · 24/09/2025 13:22

MidnightPatrol · 24/09/2025 13:19

How did you react?

On maternity leave (and now tbh) I was / am often asked ‘do you work’ or ‘do you think you’ll go back to work’.

No one ever asked my husband.

Most annoying was people we knew doing, family friends etc.

I am in quite a serious industry which is competitive to get into, have a senior role etc - and yes am the ‘breadwinner’. The assumption id just be leaving… argh!

Pregnant again now so looking forward to this ramping up again over the next 12 months.

My DH finds it v funny and we have mused as to what exactly people’s assumptions are about our set up - that I have a job for a bit of fun and he’s funding everything. Shows absolutely no one listens when they ask about your job…!

Edited

I didn't really react, I'm afraid, other than to tell him that it was me. I was quite taken aback at the time and couldn't think what to say. I wish now that I had said something.

OP posts:
Ellebelieve · 24/09/2025 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MidnightPatrol · 24/09/2025 13:19

How did you react?

On maternity leave (and now tbh) I was / am often asked ‘do you work’ or ‘do you think you’ll go back to work’.

No one ever asked my husband.

Most annoying was people we knew doing, family friends etc.

I am in quite a serious industry which is competitive to get into, have a senior role etc - and yes am the ‘breadwinner’. The assumption id just be leaving… argh!

Pregnant again now so looking forward to this ramping up again over the next 12 months.

My DH finds it v funny and we have mused as to what exactly people’s assumptions are about our set up - that I have a job for a bit of fun and he’s funding everything. Shows absolutely no one listens when they ask about your job…!

Original poster
BeHappySloth · 24/09/2025 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Well, yes, he did. You can believe I'm making it up if you want, but what would be the point?

Are you accusing me of being a troll? If so, please follow the talk guidelines and report to MNHQ rather than adding pointless comments to my thread.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeHappySloth · 24/09/2025 13:16

NaranjaDreams · 24/09/2025 13:15

Eh he was doing a shit job of surveying, he's not supposed to make presumptions, and you could complain to IPSOS.

But I don't think it's an uncommon assumption that if you're home in the middle of the day in casual clothes, you're not working, especially if you're in an area with a lot of SAHMs. It shouldn't be - with the prevalance of remote jobs, different shift patterns, etc, but it tends to be.

I had already told him that I was wfh when I agreed to do the survey as I wanted to know how long it would take.

OP posts:
Ellebelieve · 24/09/2025 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NaranjaDreams · 24/09/2025 13:15

Eh he was doing a shit job of surveying, he's not supposed to make presumptions, and you could complain to IPSOS.

But I don't think it's an uncommon assumption that if you're home in the middle of the day in casual clothes, you're not working, especially if you're in an area with a lot of SAHMs. It shouldn't be - with the prevalance of remote jobs, different shift patterns, etc, but it tends to be.

OrangeCrushes · 24/09/2025 13:13

He's a dick