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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be surprised and disappointed by this man's assumption?

87 replies

BeHappySloth · 24/09/2025 13:12

Answered the door at lunchtime on a wfh day, it was a guy from ipsos wanting to do a survey. He had a proper ID etc.

I was happy to do the survey, and we went through the questions. One of them was about whether I was the primary income earner in the household. He read the question and then added, before I had an opportunity to respond, "presumably that's your husband". (I had already told him that I was married.)

AIBU to be surprised and disappointed that someone would still openly voice such an assumption in this day and age? Even if he thought it, I would have expected him to know better than to say it?

FWIW, the assumption was incorrect but that shouldn't really matter.

OP posts:
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Emiliachonk · 28/09/2025 07:13

Bizarre that a man on a very low income would presume that the OP’s husband was the primary earner.

Lolalovesroses · 27/09/2025 15:14

Sheiswaiting · 24/09/2025 14:03

Oh…. Don’t suppose he envisaged he’d be on near minimum wage doing door to door surveys in the twilight of his “career”!

He went off script, without thinking, bit daft but I wouldn’t be depressed at a >50 year old man unskilled worker making a silly presumption.

No >50 year old man in law, medicine etc would make the same stupid assumption

Show quote history

I’m hoping you are joking here, if not you’re as guilty of stereotyping as the man doing the survey.

lemonraspberry · 27/09/2025 14:51

To be fair he could just be very aware of the gender pay gap (maybe another survey he does)which does often mean men get the higher salary. And yes - really disappointing these days but the disparities in pay still do exist between male & female employees.

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 14:48

I’d have said

“pity your family if you’re the primary breadwinner”

well, not really because that would have been mean but I’d have thought it!

Original poster
BeHappySloth · 27/09/2025 14:47

PollyBell · 26/09/2025 22:17

I would presume he meant as in regards to relationship status as in you live in the same house and your husband and the word husband being a label for a male partner

Sorry, I don't understand your point?

He was presuming that my husband was the higher earner.

OP posts:
Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 14:46

BeHappySloth · 27/09/2025 14:45

That's a actually a very good question!

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Isn’t it just whomever earns more

Original poster
BeHappySloth · 27/09/2025 14:45

Morningsleepin · 26/09/2025 22:10

Does every household have a primary breadwinner?

That's a actually a very good question!

OP posts:
Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 14:31

Morningsleepin · 26/09/2025 22:10

Does every household have a primary breadwinner?

Well unless you earn exactly the same, then yes 😵‍💫

Broccolitime · 27/09/2025 14:31

Morningsleepin · 26/09/2025 22:10

Does every household have a primary breadwinner?

Well if this man was the primary earner of his family…. They’d be living very frugally given he will be bringing in a very low salary

PollyBell · 26/09/2025 22:17

I would presume he meant as in regards to relationship status as in you live in the same house and your husband and the word husband being a label for a male partner

Morningsleepin · 26/09/2025 22:10

Does every household have a primary breadwinner?

Original poster
BeHappySloth · 26/09/2025 22:05

Thanks for all the responses. I'm sorry to hear that others have encountered similar attitudes.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeHappySloth · 26/09/2025 22:04

Wegovy2026 · 26/09/2025 05:55

I would have just corrected him. It is a mistake to presume but not the crime of the century. You sound very immature.

In what way do I sound immature, exactly?

OP posts:
Original poster
BeHappySloth · 26/09/2025 22:01

implodi · 25/09/2025 15:59

I am really confused as to why anyone would answer these questions on their doorstep when a stranger knocks.

I have adhd. Any distraction is interesting for a short while!Blush

OP posts:
SeptemberIRemember · 26/09/2025 19:42

BeHappySloth · 24/09/2025 13:16

I had already told him that I was wfh when I agreed to do the survey as I wanted to know how long it would take.

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How long did it actually take compared with what he said?

I did a whole day’s training years ago to be a survey-giver. If the survey usually took 35 minutes we were told to say 20 minutes.

Foundationns · 26/09/2025 19:36

He needs proper training. I’d complain about that and ask them to help behave appropriately.

DiscoBob · 26/09/2025 12:44

That's is crap. I used to do market and social research and the number one rule is don't assume anything. You ask the question and record their answer. It's not rocket science.

Silly bastard.

You should've said 'what makes you say that?'

I mean if he'd asked both your job titles before he asked that question, and you responded that you were a part time cleaner and your husband was a CEO, then I guess he could've been putting it into context and it wasn't really a terrible assumption?

Otherwise it is just prejudice and sexism.

Potentially you could contact them and give feedback about it. If it's like all the places I know that do this stuff, he will be disciplined for saying such things.

Deliverednow · 26/09/2025 12:37

Tangled123 · 26/09/2025 12:18

It was my husband’s birthday recently and his parents came over with money in a card for him. I can’t remember exactly what FIL said, but it was along the lines of ‘quick, hide it before (I) spend it’ or ‘don’t show (me) what you got.’ It’s not the first time he’s made comments like that either. It just shows he doesn’t know his son if he thinks he’d share it with me, but I wouldn’t want it anyway, I have my own money.

Well that sounds like a happy marrisge

Deliverednow · 26/09/2025 12:37

DancingMango · 25/09/2025 15:54

I’m really pleased to hear that your teenagers are part of a peer group where this isn’t a problem.
I come across plenty of young people with the mindset you describe when they’ve been lucky enough to grow up in an egalitarian, respectful environment.
However , honestly,, sadly , yes , across the board in my experience , sexism is holding strong & has got worse in some respects over the last 5 years or so .

So much of our general culture is sexist & it insidiously slips into the way young people see themselves and is expressed when I talk with them about career choices , salary expectations etc .
Random stuff :
The slogans/ design of children’s clothing / comics / programmes ( Paw Patrol ?!! ) etc aim so much gendered tosh at small children .
It all adds up over the years unless they have people in their lives to actively counter it .

Girls still often steer away from Physics A level .At the school in which I work there are 17 boys and one girl taking it this year for example. The leadership team at the school are all male despite the majority of the teaching body being female .
Online misogyny ( Andrew Tate etc ) has a lot to answer for …PSHE classes … Students STILL aren’t taught useful stuff about how to look after and prevent the ordinary but horrible things that can beset female bodies ( cystitis / UTIs’ ).

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Are you a teacher @DancingMango ?

Tangled123 · 26/09/2025 12:18

It was my husband’s birthday recently and his parents came over with money in a card for him. I can’t remember exactly what FIL said, but it was along the lines of ‘quick, hide it before (I) spend it’ or ‘don’t show (me) what you got.’ It’s not the first time he’s made comments like that either. It just shows he doesn’t know his son if he thinks he’d share it with me, but I wouldn’t want it anyway, I have my own money.

DancingMango · 26/09/2025 11:45

The majority of people sadly do make sexist assumptions . Most adults learn to keep them to themselves .
My point is by no means just some ‘ older men ‘ who have the monopoly on sexist views and that such attitudes are very much still shaping the career choices and behaviour of girls .

From the extensive survey conducted by the Girl Guiding Association into sexism & misogyny experienced by girls aged 11-21 ( published Sept 2025 ) :

‘ Over half of girls (58%) aged 11-18 said they have experienced boys at their school making comments they would describe as toxic and 1 in 3 girls (32%) have seen a teacher or member of school staff receiving sexist or misogynistic comments or abuse. In an attempt to avoid sexist or misogynist abuse in the classroom, almost 1 in 5 girls aged 11-16 (18%) say they have pretended to be less smart than they are and 54% agree that girls have to be careful about appearing too self-confident in front of boys for fear of abuse or mean comments.
Almost 3 in 4 (72%) 11-16-year-old girls said they want more discussion about consent in schools.’

4daysoff · 26/09/2025 05:56

Pity his family if he is the primary earner of his family. Will be on not much more than NMW!

Wegovy2026 · 26/09/2025 05:55

I would have just corrected him. It is a mistake to presume but not the crime of the century. You sound very immature.

4daysoff · 26/09/2025 05:49

DancingMango · 25/09/2025 15:54

I’m really pleased to hear that your teenagers are part of a peer group where this isn’t a problem.
I come across plenty of young people with the mindset you describe when they’ve been lucky enough to grow up in an egalitarian, respectful environment.
However , honestly,, sadly , yes , across the board in my experience , sexism is holding strong & has got worse in some respects over the last 5 years or so .

So much of our general culture is sexist & it insidiously slips into the way young people see themselves and is expressed when I talk with them about career choices , salary expectations etc .
Random stuff :
The slogans/ design of children’s clothing / comics / programmes ( Paw Patrol ?!! ) etc aim so much gendered tosh at small children .
It all adds up over the years unless they have people in their lives to actively counter it .

Girls still often steer away from Physics A level .At the school in which I work there are 17 boys and one girl taking it this year for example. The leadership team at the school are all male despite the majority of the teaching body being female .
Online misogyny ( Andrew Tate etc ) has a lot to answer for …PSHE classes … Students STILL aren’t taught useful stuff about how to look after and prevent the ordinary but horrible things that can beset female bodies ( cystitis / UTIs’ ).

Show quote history

@DancingMango how old are you? What is your job?

Sexism is “across the board” is strong for teenagers? And they have traditional views on jobs and gender?

implodi · 25/09/2025 15:59

I am really confused as to why anyone would answer these questions on their doorstep when a stranger knocks.